funny email forward, funny dog video
Continue reading about Breakfast at Ginger’s- golden retriever dog eats with hands – Great Video
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
since I’m going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the cup of coffee I’d been drinking.
I’m going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the coffee aside
so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.
The coffee is getting cold,
and I decide to put it in the microwave to reheat it.
As I head toward the kitchen with the coffee,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye–they need water.
I put the coffee on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I’m going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I’ll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn’t washed
the bills aren’t paid
there is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter
the flowers don’t have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
and, I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I’m really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
and I’ll try to get some help for it,
but first I’ll check my e-mail….
(How long until I remember I left the hose running all this time?.)
Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don’t remember who the heck I’ve sent it to.
Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!
funny email forward, memory loss joke, old age and memory loss
Continue reading about A.A.A.D.D. Memory Loss -Getting Old Humour
Robert Green and Oil Spill Jokes
At least that’s one British spillage the Americans won’t be moaning about…
funny email forward, oil spill jokes satire humour, cartoons
funny email forward
COMMENTARY Â 2009 G20 meeting:
The cartoon shows a battered Gordon Brown and Barack Obama dressed as Supermen. They’ve clearly been in a fight—their tunics are torn and Obama has a plaster on his head. Gordon Brown is holding a small piece of paper with ‘Summit’ written on it (the size of the paper suggests that the summit agreement was not a spectacular success). He’s saying “… From nuffink!”
Why?
To show everyone that we are stimulating our economy by spending over a billion dollars on security. Great long lasting program!
To show other countires how to print more money. The US is an expert!
Why not give the money to Greece?
G20 stands for Greedy 20
How to allow the rich to get richer and the poor to get poorer!
To show the world how to build an artificial lake (for 2 million dollars).
Just unbelievable!!!
Continue reading about G20 Summits Toronto Canada 2010 – WHY??? What a Joke!
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me. “Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.” Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked. “To get my teeth!”
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her night gown and say “Supersex.” She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, “Supersex.”
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll take the soup.”
Remembering Dad
When I was:
Four years old: My daddy can do anything.
Five years old: My daddy knows a whole lot.
Six years old: My dad is smarter than your dad.
Eight years old: My dad doesn’t know exactly everything.
Ten years old: In the olden days, when my dad grew up,
things were sure different.
Twelve years old: Oh, well, naturally, Dad doesn’t know
anything about that. He is too old to remember his
childhood.
Fourteen years old: Don’t pay any attention to my dad. He is
so old-fashioned.
Twenty-one years old: Him? My Lord, he’s hopelessly out of
date.
Twenty-five years old: Dad knows about it, but then he
should, because he has been around so long.
Thirty years old: Maybe we should ask Dad what he thinks.
After all, he’s had a lot of experience.
Thirty-five years old: I’m not doing a single thing until I
talk to Dad.
Forty years old: I wonder how Dad would have handled it. He
was so wise.
Fifty years old: I’d give anything if Dad were here now so I
could talk this over with him. Too bad I didn’t appreciate
how smart he was. I could have learned a lot from him.
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas.
They hired him because he was so funny…..
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will
cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying
here in the first place ?
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style
severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it
notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m . Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more
intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO
50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you
have a car that runs?â€
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner
of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job – no!
On my breaks – yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing
since sliced bread.
Actually, I’d like to be doing that now
NEAREST RELATIVE.7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
The Doctor told me, I should start an exercise program. Not Wanting
to harm this old body, I’ve devised the following:
Monday
Beat around the bush
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls
Wade through the morning paper
Tuesday
Drag my heels
Push my luck
Make mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head
Wednesday
Bend over backwards
Jump on the Band Wagon
Run around in circles
Thursday
Advise the President on how to run the country
Toot my own horn
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire
Friday
Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth
Start the ball rolling
Go over the edge
Saturday
Pick up the pieces.
Sunday
Kneel in prayer
Bow my head in thanksgiving
Uplift my hands in praise
Hug someone and encourage them.
Whew! What a workout!
Continue reading about Weekly Fitness Routine – My Version of a Workout