| THE LOVE DRESS
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house.. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked. ‘I’m waiting for Justin to come home from work.’ the daughter-in-law answered. ‘ But you’re naked!’ the mother-in-law exclaimed. ‘This is my love dress,’ the daughter-in-law explained. ‘Love dress? But you’re naked!’ ‘Justin loves me to wear this dress,’ she explained. ‘Every time he sees me in this dress he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.’ The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. ‘ What are you doing?’ he asked.. ‘This is my love dress,’ she whispered sensually. ‘Needs ironing,’ he said, ‘What’s for dinner? and that’s when the fight started…
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Continue reading about THE LOVE DRESS -Funny Email Joke about Old Age
- Sometime this year, we taxpayers will receive an ‘ HST Compensation” payment.
- This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:
- Q. What is an ‘HST Compensation’ payment ?
- A. It is money that the provincial government will send to taxpayers.
- Q.. Where will the government get this money ?
- A. From taxpayers.
- Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
- A. Only a smidgen of it.
- Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
- A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
- Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
- A. Shut up.
- Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the economy by spending your compensation cheque wisely:
- * If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka …
- * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
- * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .
- * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..
- * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
- * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
- * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go
- to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
- Instead, keep the money in Canada by:
- 1) Spending it at yard sales, or
- 2) Going to hockey games, or
- 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
- 4)Â Beer or
- 5) Tattoos.
- (These are the only Canadian businesses still operating in Canada. )
- Conclusion:
- Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard
- sale and drink beer all day !
- No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.
Continue reading about “HST Compensation” payment – Joke or It’s a Joke?
Rep. Mark Souder is a 14-year, eight-term House of Representatives veteran a person (who pretends to be what he is not)Â who campaigned on a “family values” ethic, campaigned against the Obama Health Care Reform Plan, and said he was interested in preserving the idea of traditional marriage, has resigned after revealing that he’d cheated on his wife with a female staff aide.
While liberal blogs like The Huffington Post point to Mark Souder’s commitment to the idea of one man and one woman, technically, Mark Souder didn’t say he was opposed to having a mistress in a marriage for himself, just Democrats. Souder attacked Pres. Clinton and called for his resignation after the Monika Lewinsky Affair, but not Clinton’s impeachment.
Happy Father’s Day Mark! Â What a Jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Continue reading about Why teachers drink -having to read answers like these is one reason!
Portugal has been placed in the FIFA 2010 World Cup’s Group of Death, alongside Brazil, Ivory Coast and North Korea.
A group of death in a multi-stage tournament is a preliminary group which is unusually competitive, because the number of strong competitors in the group is greater than the number of qualifying places available for the next phase of the tournament. Thus, in the preliminary round, one or more strong competitors in the “group of death” will necessarily be eliminated, who would otherwise have been expected to progress further in the tournament. The informal term was first used for groups in the FIFA World Cup finals. It is now used by also in other association football tournaments and other sports.
A tongue twister is a phrase, sentence or rhyme that presents difficulties when spoken because it contains similar sounds -Â Whistle for the thistle sifter, for example. To get the full effect of a tongue twister you should try to repeat it several times, as quickly as possible, without stumbling or mispronouncing.
Here are a few Tongue Twisters  for you. Try to read them aloud as fast as you can 🙂
1. If you understand, say “understand” . If you don’t understand, say “don’t understand”. But if you understand and say “don’t understand”. How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won’t wish the wish you wish to wish.
3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.
5. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
7. I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn’t the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn’t have thought so much.
8. Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, “If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?”
9. Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to Mr Outside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said “NO”, and told Mr Outside to come outside. Mr Outside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
12. If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
“When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor’s the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctorthe doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor’s way”
13. We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We’ll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.
14. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
15. A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly “Oh what should we do” Said the flea” Let us fly Said the fly”Let us flee” So they flew through a flaw in the flue
16. If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.
17. Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See’s saw Before See sawed Soar’s seesaw, See’s saw would not have sawed Soar’s seesaw. So See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw.
18. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
19. I saw Susie sitting in a shoe shine shop.
Where she sits she shines, and where she shines she sits.
20. You cuss, I cuss, we all cuss, for asparagus!
21. If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
22. One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.
23. How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.
24. How much wood could Chuck Woods’ woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods’ woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods’ woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods’ woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods’ woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood.
25. Bobby Bippy bought a bat.
Bobby Bippy bought a ball.
With his bat Bob banged the ball
Banged it bump against the wall
But so boldly Bobby banged it
That he burst his rubber ball
“Boo!” cried Bobby
Bad luck ball
Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball
Now to drown his many troubles
Bobby Bippy’s blowing bubbles.
Continue reading about Funny Tongue Twisters – Some of the Best and Most Difficult Tongue Twisters
Someone had to remind me, so I’m reminding you too. Don’t laugh…..it is all true…
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run–anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won’t wear out
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19.You can’t remember who sent you this list.Â
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Forward this to everyone you can remember right now!
And Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Continue reading about Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!