Funny Emails: According to the email, these are all true.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.
This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
Would you please send a man to repair my downspout? I am an old-age pensioner and need it straight away.
Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife’s new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.
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With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and
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‘Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . .. . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers..’
Continue reading about The Best Explanation for the Theory of Intelligence!
A golf story:
Subject: 90 years old
Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25
years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.
“That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten
so bad that once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says,
“Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”
“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother’s a hundred and three. He
can’t help.”
“He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is
perfect.”
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his
brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the
fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?”
“Of course I did!” replies the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”
They walk down the fairway a little ways, then Arthur asks, “Where did it go?”
“I don’t remember.”
- I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing I ever do with it. It is never of any use to oneself – Oscar Wilde
- He who can does. He who cannot, teaches – George Bernard Shaw
- Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning – George Bernard Shaw
- Work is the curse of the drinking classes – Oscar Wilde
- [Dancing is] a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire – George Bernard Shaw
- A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it – George Moore
- There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about – Oscar Wilde
- In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs – John Pentland Mahaffy
A Croatian man has admitted that he has not gone outside when it’s thundering for three years since lightning struck his penis.
Zoran Jurkovic of Vukovar was hit by lightning on his penis while riding his bicycle near the village of Perkovici during a thunderstorm in 2007, the  Croatian Times reports.
Jurkovic, who friends have nicknamed “Thunderous,†was hit by thousands of volts that melted his bike. The rubber tires saved his life, doctors said.
To get back at his friends for their teasing, Jurkovic tells them his lightning-struck penis now has extraordinary abilities. In actuality, he says he just happy it’s functioning properly.
Jurkovic lives with his mother and is not married. (What a shock)
No stealing this guy’s thunder.
WARNING!
GRAPHIC BOATING Â PHOTO.
![[death.JPG]](https://i0.wp.com/3.bp.blogspot.com/_kPwFvUVenpM/S5VtxlptzcI/AAAAAAAAx9w/o2LQFgVDAnQ/s1600/death.JPG)
and that’s when the fight started…
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