Little Johnny was sad and sitting on the back bench. His teacher came in the class, and she found Little Johnny sitting at the back, where he never sat earlier.

Teacher asked, “What is wrong with you Johnny.”

Little johnny said, “Mam, you tell me, whether it is right to punish someone for not doing something?”

The teacher thought for a while, and said, “No, of course not.”

Little Johnny said, “Then, Mam, I have not done my homework.”

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Teacher: Why have you come so late in the class?

Little Johnny: Sir I saw a signboard down the road.

Teacher: That is fine that you saw a signboard down the road, but what does a signboard have to do with your being late?

Little Johnny The signboard said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”

Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.

Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!”

Continue reading about Why Teachers Drink – If you had a Little Johnny in your class, you would drink too!

I may be mistaken, but these Elephant statues that guard the entrance to the Carlsberg brewery in Copenhagen, look a little drunk!!!

Elephant statues guard the entrance to the Carlsberg brewery in Copenhagen tipsy

Workers at the Carlsberg brewery in Denmark are on strike after management handed down new rules about drinking on the job. Now, employees are allowed to drink beer only while at lunch:

The strike in Denmark followed the company’s April 1 decision to introduce new rules for employees on beer drinking at work, said Jens Bekke, spokesman at the world no.4 brewer.

“There has been free beer, water and soft drinks everywhere,” he said. “Yesterday, beers were removed from all refrigerators. The only place you can get a beer in future is in the canteen, at lunch.”

Bekke said drivers retained an old right to three beers per day outside lunch hours, and warehouse workers claimed the same right.

“Because of that, the warehouse staff went on strike yesterday, with other staff striking in sympathy,” he said.

I believe the strike ended by noon because the workers were thirsty!!!!!!!!

Drivers can have three beers per day outside lunch hours???????????????????

Maybe teachers should strike for free beer at lunch to help cope with the stress!

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John on May 27th, 2010


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  • Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies, and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert, where the climate was so hot that the inhabitants had to live elsewhere. Certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation.

  • The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. The Eqyptians built the pyramids in the shape of huge rectangular cubes.

  • The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible — Guinesses — Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”

  • Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

  • Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.

  • In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran the races, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

  • Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was about to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee, hee, Brutus.”

  • Then came the Middle Ages, when everyone was middle aged. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the age of Shivery, and Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak. She was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.

  • Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

  • In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses, but also literature. During this time people put on morality plays about ghosts, goblins, virgins, and other mythical creatures.

  • The Renaissance was an age when more and more people felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to a church door for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull.

  • Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen, she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “Hurrah!” Afterward her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

  • It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removeable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is an historic figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

  • Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

  • The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Shakespeare was born in the year 1564 on his birthday. He never made much money, and is today remembered only for his plays. He wrote comedies, tragedies, and hysterectomies. In one of Shakespeare’s most famous plays, Hamlet figures out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy.

  • Later on, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and it was called Pilgrim’s Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers — many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all of this.

  • The big reason for the Revolutionary War was that the English put tacks in their tea. Also, colonists were sending their parcels through the post without stamps.

  • Benjamin Franklin was a singer of the Declaration of Independence. He invented electricity by rubbing two cats backward, and declared, “A horse divided against itself will not stand.”

  • Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution, the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

  • Abraham Lincoln was America’s greatest precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while travelling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.

  • On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the movies and got shot in his seat. The believed assassinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

  • Meanwhile in Europe, the Enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltair invented electricity and also wrote a book called “Candy.” Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton.

  • Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster he kept in the attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world, but so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. Beethoven wrote very loud music because he was deaf. He took long walks in the forest, even when everyone was calling for him.

  • The sun never set on the British Empire because Britain is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

  • The 19th Century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions: People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machines. The invention of steamboats caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Charles Darwin wrote, “Organ of the Species”; Madman Curie discovered radio; and Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
  • Continue reading about Why teachers drink -having to read answers like these is one reason!

    John on May 2nd, 2010


    “If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere” – anonymous
    Why teachers drink
    These are actual answers to test questions in the classroom!

    That means this material has been studied for a period of time before the test questions were asked (just so you non-teachers know)!

    funny exam answers - 02

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    Teacher: Who had a worldwide hit with “It’s A Wonderful World”?

    Student: I don’t know.

    Teacher: I’ll give you a couple of clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

    Student: Arm.

    Teacher: Correct. And if you’re not weak, you’re …?

    Student: Strong.

    Teacher: Correct: And what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name?

    Student: Louis.

    Teacher: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song “It’s A Wonderful World”?

    Student: Frank Sinatra?

    We taught these Contestants.

    From Late Show (BBC Midlands):

    Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?

    Contestant: France.

    Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.

    Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.

    Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

    Same contestant: Sorry, I don’t know.

    Trelinski: Just guess a country then.

    Contestant: Paris.

    A few more dumb people:

    1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

    2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children,Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”

    3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

    4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

    Maxine and dumb exam answers
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    John on December 22nd, 2009



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