Senior Citizen Job Application

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen

submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas.

They hired him because he was so funny…..

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will

cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously,

whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying

here in the first place ?

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style

severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it

notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m . Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more

intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO

50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you

have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner

of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job – no!

On my breaks – yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a

fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing

since sliced bread.

Actually, I’d like to be doing that now

NEAREST RELATIVE.7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR

KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.