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South Africa to bid for 2020 Olympics But what about Vuvuzelas?

3:39pm 3:39 pm / Leave a Comment /
South Africa to bid for 2020 Olympics But what about Vuvuzelas?
After successfully hosting Africa’s first World Cup, South Africa will attempt to land the continent’s first Olympics, too.
However, the Vuvuzela may not be welcomed at the games.
While visiting South Africa during the 2010 World Cup, London Mayor Boris Johnson made it clear that he doesn’t want the horns to catch on back home.
“I’m not convinced that we are going to need an Olympic vuvuzela,” Johnson said  “It’s a wonderful thing. It’s a beautiful instrument. It’s very easy to master, but I don’t think we’ll necessarily be issuing them to the crowds.”
“I’m very impressed with the vuvuzelas and,” but he added, “we’re thinking of not having them.
Vuvuzelas were not allowed at the 2010 Wimbledon Tennis Championships
“Out of courtesy to the players and their fellow spectators, we make a point of asking spectators not to bring items which could either cause a distraction or interfere with the enjoyment of the occasion,” All England Club chief executive Ian Ritchie said in a statement Thursday.
“Rattles, klaxons and vuvuzelas all fall into that category and they will not be allowed into the grounds. Our message is do not bring them in the first place.”
England still upset over World Cup Performance, or lack of…

Spoof-photo-of-Sepp-Blatter-banning-the-vuvzela-33

What will the Olympic Organizing Committee decide???

After successfully hosting Africa’s first World Cup, South Africa will attempt to land the continent’s first Olympics, too.
However, the Vuvuzela may not be welcomed at the games.


While visiting South Africa during the 2010 World Cup, London Mayor Boris Johnson made it clear that he doesn’t want the horns to catch on back home.

“I’m not convinced that we are going to need an Olympic vuvuzela,” Johnson said  “It’s a wonderful thing. It’s a beautiful instrument. It’s very easy to master, but I don’t think we’ll necessarily be issuing them to the crowds.”

“I’m very impressed with the vuvuzelas and,” but he added, “we’re thinking of not having them.


Vuvuzelas were not allowed at the 2010 Wimbledon Tennis Championships


“Out of courtesy to the players and their fellow spectators, we make a point of asking spectators not to bring items which could either cause a distraction or interfere with the enjoyment of the occasion,” All England Club chief executive Ian Ritchie said in a statement Thursday.
“Rattles, klaxons and vuvuzelas all fall into that category and they will not be allowed into the grounds. Our message is do not bring them in the first place.”
England still upset over World Cup Performance, or lack of…

Posted in: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Email Delanteros Humor Interesante

Unusual Puzzle – When you need a break!

2:58pm 2:58 pm / Leave a Comment /

Unusual Puzzle – Pretty neat!

When you need a time out, try this!


Just  a tip……..take all of the pieces
 Out  of the box  first.

This is not your usual jigsaw puzzle! But it’s amazing,
 The picture has movement in it the entire time you are
 Working on it. Drag the pieces together to make a picture,
 It can be done!

Click below:

Unusual  Puzzle <http://www.brl.ntt.co.jp/people/hara/fly.swf>

Unusual Puzzle
When you need time out try this!
Just  a tip……..take all of the pieces
Out  of the box  first.
This  is not your usual jigsaw puzzle! But  it’s  amazing,
The  picture has movement in it the entire time you  are
Working  on it. Drag the pieces together to make a  picture,
It  can be done ! Click Here :   Unusual  Puzzle <http://www.brl.ntt.co.jp/people/hara/fly.swf>


Posted in: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Email Delanteros Humor Interesante

A Mother’s Dictionary From A to Z

10:34am 10:34 am / Leave a Comment /
AIRPLANE: What Mum impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained veggies.
ALIEN: What Mum would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.
BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mum’s youngest child, even if he’s 42.
BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mum) to be self-cleaning
BECAUSE: Mum’s reason for having kids do things which can’t be explained logically.
BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.
CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.
CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mum always winds up going the furthest, with the biggest bunch of kids, who have had the most sugar.
CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love leftover vegetables.
COOK: 1) Act of preparing food for consumption. 2) Mum’s other name.
COUCH POTATO: What Mum finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.
DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mum can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
DUST: Insidious interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle zone.
DUST RAGS: See “DAD’S UNDERWEAR.”
EAR: A place where kids store dirt.
EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them.
EMPTY NEST: See “WISHFUL THINKING.”
ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something.
EXCUSE ME?: One of Mum’s favourite phrases, reportedly used in past times by children.
EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mum, can be “put out” by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.
FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.
FOOD: The response Mum usually gives in answer to the question, “What’s for dinner tonight?” See “SARCASM”
FROZEN: 1) A type of food. 2) How hell will be when Mum lets her daughter date an older guy with a motorcycle.
GARBAGE: A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which Mum assigns to a different family member each week, then winds up doing herself.
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mum’s kids.
GUM: Adhesive for the hair.
HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.
HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.
HANDS: Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with volcanic soap and sterilized in boiling water immediately prior to consumption of the evening meal.
HINDSIGHT: What Mum experiences from changing too many nappies.
HOMEMADE BREAD: An object of fiction like the Fountain of Youth and the Golden Fleece.
ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the darn things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty.
INSIDE: That place that will suddenly look attractive to kids once Mum has spent a minimum of half an hour getting them ready to go outside.
I SAID SO: Reason enough, according to Mum.
JACKPOT: When all the kids stay at friends’ homes for the night.
JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals.
JOY RIDE: Going somewhere without the kids.
JUNK: Dad’s stuff.
KETCHUP: The sea of tomato-based goop kids use to drown the dish that Mum spent hours cooking and years perfecting to get the seasoning just right.
KISS: Mum medicine.
LAKE: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so.
LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mum buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.
LIE: An “exaggeration” Mum uses to transform her child’s papier-mâché volcano science project into a Nobel Prize-winning experiment and a full-ride scholarship to Harvard.
LOSERS: See “Kids’ Friends.”
MAKEUP: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush, etc. which ironically make Mum look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”
MAYBE: No.
MILK: A healthful beverage which kids will gladly drink once it’s turned into junk food by the addition of sugar and cocoa.
MUMMMMMMMY!: The cry of a child on another floor who wants something.
MUSH: 1) What a kid loves to do with a plateful of food . 2) Main element of Mum’s favourite movies.
NAILS: A hard covering on the end of the finger, which Mum can never have a full set of due to pitching for batting practice, opening stubborn modelling clay lids and removing heat ducts to retrieve army men and/or doll clothing.
PANIC: What a mother goes through when that darn wind-up swing stops.
OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats, cars and animals.
OPEN: The position of children’s mouths when they eat in front of company.
OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mum’s alternative nickname for Dad.
PENITENTIARY: Where children who don’t eat their vegetables or clean their rooms eventually end up, according to Mum.
PETS: Small, furry creatures which follow kids home so Mum will have something else to clean up after.
PIANO: A large, expensive musical instrument which, after thousands have been spent on lessons and constant harping by Mum, kids will refuse to play in front of company.
PURSE: A handbag in which Mum carries the chequebook and keys she can never find because they’re buried under tissues, gum wrappers, a plastic container full of cereal, toys from a fast-food restaurant, a teddy bear, a football, wallpaper samples, a grocery list and several outdated coupons.
QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.
RAINCOAT: Article of clothing Mum bought to keep a child dry and warm, rendered ineffective because it’s in the bottom of a locker stuffed in a book bag or because the child refuses to wear “the geeky thing.”
REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen.
ROOM MOTHER: A position of great honour and responsibility bestowed on a Mum who inadvertently misses a PTA meeting.
SCHOOL PLAY: Sadistic ritual in which adults derive pleasure from watching offspring stumble through coarse re-enactments of famous historic events.
SCREAMING: Home P.A. system.
SNOWSUITS: Warm, padded outer garments that, when completely zipped and snapped, performs two important functions: protecting children from the cold and reminding them that they have to go to the bathroom.
SOAP: A cleaning agent Mum puts on the sink on the off-chance one of her kids will accidentally grab it while reaching for the towel.
SPIT: All-purpose cleaning fluid especially good on kids’ faces.
SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma.
SWEATER: Magically charmed article of clothing that can ward away colds, flu and even pneumonia.
SUNDAY BEST: Attractive, expensive children’s clothing made of a fabric which attracts melted chocolate and grape juice.
TEACHER CONFERENCE: A meeting between Mum and that person who has yet to understand her child’s “special needs.”
TERRIBLE TWO’S: Having both kids at home all summer.
THAT WAY: How kids shouldn’t look at Mums if they know what’s good for them. Also applies to how they talk.
TOWELS: See “FLOOR COVERINGS”
TRAMP: A woman with two kids and no stretch marks.
TROUBLE: Area of nonspecific space a child can always be sure to be in.
UMPTEENTH: Highly conservative estimate of the number of times Mum must instruct her offspring to do something before it actually gets done.
UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident.
UTOPIA: See “BUBBLE BATH”
VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.
VITAMINS: Tiny facsimiles of cave people Mum forces you to swallow each morning as part of her sinister plot to have you grow up to be “just like Daddy.”
WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.
WASHING MACHINE: Household appliance used to clean blue jeans, permanent ink markers, loose change, homework, tissues and wads of gum.
WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME: Standard measurement of time between crime and punishment.
XOXOXOXO: Mum salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid’s lunch box even more mortifying.
XYLOPHONE: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long! See also “DRUMS”
YARD SALE: Heart-wrenching emotional process wherein Mum plans to sell kids’ outdated toys and clothing that she decides at the last minute are treasured mementos she can’t bear to part with.
YIPPEE!: What Mum would jump up and shout if the school year was changed to 12 months. See also “YAHOO!”
ZILLION: Amount of times Mum must have gone to the supermarket already this week.
ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

AIRPLANE: What Mum impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained veggies.
ALIEN: What Mum would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.
BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mum’s youngest child, even if he’s 42.
BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mum) to be self-cleaning
BECAUSE: Mum’s reason for having kids do things which can’t be explained logically.
BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.
CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.
CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mum always winds up going the furthest, with the biggest bunch of kids, who have had the most sugar.
CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love leftover vegetables.
COOK: 1) Act of preparing food for consumption. 2) Mum’s other name.
COUCH POTATO: What Mum finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.
DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mum can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
DUST: Insidious interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle zone.
DUST RAGS: See “DAD’S UNDERWEAR.”
EAR: A place where kids store dirt.
EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them.
EMPTY NEST: See “WISHFUL THINKING.”
ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something.
EXCUSE ME?: One of Mum’s favourite phrases, reportedly used in past times by children.
EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mum, can be “put out” by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.
FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.
FOOD: The response Mum usually gives in answer to the question, “What’s for dinner tonight?” See “SARCASM”
FROZEN: 1) A type of food. 2) How hell will be when Mum lets her daughter date an older guy with a motorcycle.
GARBAGE: A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which Mum assigns to a different family member each week, then winds up doing herself.
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mum’s kids.
GUM: Adhesive for the hair.
HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.
HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.
HANDS: Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with volcanic soap and sterilized in boiling water immediately prior to consumption of the evening meal.
HINDSIGHT: What Mum experiences from changing too many nappies.
HOMEMADE BREAD: An object of fiction like the Fountain of Youth and the Golden Fleece.
ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the darn things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty.
INSIDE: That place that will suddenly look attractive to kids once Mum has spent a minimum of half an hour getting them ready to go outside.
I SAID SO: Reason enough, according to Mum.
JACKPOT: When all the kids stay at friends’ homes for the night.
JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals.
JOY RIDE: Going somewhere without the kids.
JUNK: Dad’s stuff.
KETCHUP: The sea of tomato-based goop kids use to drown the dish that Mum spent hours cooking and years perfecting to get the seasoning just right.
KISS: Mum medicine.
LAKE: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so.
LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mum buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.
LIE: An “exaggeration” Mum uses to transform her child’s papier-mâché volcano science project into a Nobel Prize-winning experiment and a full-ride scholarship to Harvard.
LOSERS: See “Kids’ Friends.”
MAKEUP: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush, etc. which ironically make Mum look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”
MAYBE: No.
MILK: A healthful beverage which kids will gladly drink once it’s turned into junk food by the addition of sugar and cocoa.
MUMMMMMMMY!: The cry of a child on another floor who wants something.
MUSH: 1) What a kid loves to do with a plateful of food . 2) Main element of Mum’s favourite movies.
NAILS: A hard covering on the end of the finger, which Mum can never have a full set of due to pitching for batting practice, opening stubborn modelling clay lids and removing heat ducts to retrieve army men and/or doll clothing.
PANIC: What a mother goes through when that darn wind-up swing stops.
OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats, cars and animals.
OPEN: The position of children’s mouths when they eat in front of company.
OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mum’s alternative nickname for Dad.
PENITENTIARY: Where children who don’t eat their vegetables or clean their rooms eventually end up, according to Mum.
PETS: Small, furry creatures which follow kids home so Mum will have something else to clean up after.
PIANO: A large, expensive musical instrument which, after thousands have been spent on lessons and constant harping by Mum, kids will refuse to play in front of company.
PURSE: A handbag in which Mum carries the chequebook and keys she can never find because they’re buried under tissues, gum wrappers, a plastic container full of cereal, toys from a fast-food restaurant, a teddy bear, a football, wallpaper samples, a grocery list and several outdated coupons.
QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.
RAINCOAT: Article of clothing Mum bought to keep a child dry and warm, rendered ineffective because it’s in the bottom of a locker stuffed in a book bag or because the child refuses to wear “the geeky thing.”
REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen.
ROOM MOTHER: A position of great honour and responsibility bestowed on a Mum who inadvertently misses a PTA meeting.
SCHOOL PLAY: Sadistic ritual in which adults derive pleasure from watching offspring stumble through coarse re-enactments of famous historic events.
SCREAMING: Home P.A. system.
SNOWSUITS: Warm, padded outer garments that, when completely zipped and snapped, performs two important functions: protecting children from the cold and reminding them that they have to go to the bathroom.
SOAP: A cleaning agent Mum puts on the sink on the off-chance one of her kids will accidentally grab it while reaching for the towel.
SPIT: All-purpose cleaning fluid especially good on kids’ faces.
SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma.
SWEATER: Magically charmed article of clothing that can ward away colds, flu and even pneumonia.
SUNDAY BEST: Attractive, expensive children’s clothing made of a fabric which attracts melted chocolate and grape juice.
TEACHER CONFERENCE: A meeting between Mum and that person who has yet to understand her child’s “special needs.”
TERRIBLE TWO’S: Having both kids at home all summer.
THAT WAY: How kids shouldn’t look at Mums if they know what’s good for them. Also applies to how they talk.
TOWELS: See “FLOOR COVERINGS”
TRAMP: A woman with two kids and no stretch marks.
TROUBLE: Area of nonspecific space a child can always be sure to be in.
UMPTEENTH: Highly conservative estimate of the number of times Mum must instruct her offspring to do something before it actually gets done.
UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident.
UTOPIA: See “BUBBLE BATH”
VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.
VITAMINS: Tiny facsimiles of cave people Mum forces you to swallow each morning as part of her sinister plot to have you grow up to be “just like Daddy.”
WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.
WASHING MACHINE: Household appliance used to clean blue jeans, permanent ink markers, loose change, homework, tissues and wads of gum.
WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME: Standard measurement of time between crime and punishment.
XOXOXOXO: Mum salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid’s lunch box even more mortifying.
XYLOPHONE: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long! See also “DRUMS”
YARD SALE: Heart-wrenching emotional process wherein Mum plans to sell kids’ outdated toys and clothing that she decides at the last minute are treasured mementos she can’t bear to part with.
YIPPEE!: What Mum would jump up and shout if the school year was changed to 12 months. See also “YAHOO!”
ZILLION: Amount of times Mum must have gone to the supermarket already this week.
ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

Posted in: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 3. MOTHER'S DAY FUN, 5. Email Delanteros Humor Interesante

New LOGO for British Petroleum – BP Minimize Footprint Fail

10:19am 10:19 am / Leave a Comment /

  • On BP’s web site.
  • BP and sustainability

  • Overview of our approach and performance in sustainability

  • How we operate

    Governance and management systems that help us conduct our business responsibly

  • Energy challenges and climate change

    Delivering secure, affordable energy while addressing the global issue of climate change

  • Alternative energy

    Developing large-scale businesses towards a low-carbon future

  • Safety

    Our framework for achieving the safe, reliable operations integral to our success

  • Environmental management

    The systems, standards and technologies we apply to minimize our environmental footprint

    • Greenpeace UK have launched a competition and are inviting designers to create a new logo for BP, which stands for “Beyond Petroleum”. BP is pursuing ‘unconventional oil’ – the Canadian tar sands and deepwater drilling and causing massive damage as they go, not to mention the total disaster in the Gulf of Mexico.

    Old Logo BP logo

    New LOGO ideas

    BP-logo -new 1BP-logo-new -2

    Your brief is to create a logo for BP which shows that the company is not ‘beyond petroleum’ – they’re up to their necks in tar sands and deepwater drilling.

    Posted in: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Email Delanteros Humor Interesante

    A sensitive Man

    5:49pm 5:49 pm / Leave a Comment /



    THE  ROOM WAS FULL OF PREGNANT WOMEN WITH THEIR
    PARTNERS. THE CLASS WAS  IN FULL SWING.

    THE  INSTRUCTOR WAS TEACHING THE WOMEN HOW TO
    BREATHE PROPERLY AND  WAS TELLING THE MEN HOW TO
    GIVE THE NECESSARY ASSURANCE TO THEIR PARTNERS AT
    THIS STAGE OF THE  PREGNANCY.

    SHE  SAID “LADIES, REMEMBER THAT EXERCISE IS GOOD
    FOR YOU. WALKING IS  ESPECIALLY BENEFICIAL. IT
    STRENGTHENS THE PELVIC MUSCLES AND WILL  MAKE
    DELIVERY THAT MUCH EASIER!” JUST TAKE SEVERAL STOPS

    AND STAY ON A SOFT SURFACE LIKE GRASS OR A PATH.

    SHE  LOOKED AT THE MEN IN THE ROOM, “AND GENTLEMEN,
    REMEMBER — YOU’RE IN THIS TOGETHER — IT WOULDN’T
    HURT YOU TO GO  WALKING WITH HER.”

    THE  ROOM SUDDENLY GOT VERY QUIET AS THE MEN
    ABSORBED THIS  INFORMATION.

    THEN  A MAN AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM SLOWLY RAISED
    HIS  HAND.

    “YES?”  ANSWERED THE TEACHER.

    “I  WAS JUST WONDERING. IS IT ALL RIGHT IF SHE
    CARRIES A GOLF BAG  WHILE WE WALK?”

    Golf Swing Animation-sensitive man


    Posted in: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Email Delanteros Humor Interesante

    Best 2010 World Cup Quotes and Famous Soccer Quotes from the Past

    7:16am 7:16 am / Leave a Comment /

    “Better than Messi: Schweinsteiger completes his masterpiece,” the paper published, adding that it was his “best game of the World Cup”.

    German newspaper -Welt

    Joachim Low has insisted that he will continue to wear his trademark blue sweater throughout the finals, and will not be washing it.

    “The thing with the sweater is that I am not driven by superstition,” he said today. “The other coaching staff said I should be wearing the sweater now because every time I wear it we score four goals.

    “I am not even allowed to wash it now and I think I will wear it again.”

    About Suarez — who won’t play Tuesday owing to a red-card suspension — HAND BALL!!

    Dutch goalkeeperMaarten Stekelenburg is Suarez’s teammate at Amsterdam’s Ajax FC. Stekelenburg sent his buddy a text message telling him he was the “best goalkeeper in the tournament.”


    Dunga and Maradona : “A couple of idiots”…

    Sneijder

    “It feels like I have been punched by Muhammad Ali”

    When Maradona was asked about his new beard. “I grew it because my dog almost ate my mouth and left me a big scar.” It later emerges he had startled his Chinese shar pei, Bela, by trying to kiss it, and had to undergo plastic surgery. “My daughters tell me I look good with a beard, so I’m keeping it.”

    Later confirms his newfound body confidence by revealing a plan to streak through Buenos Aires if it all goes well in South Africa. “If we win the World Cup, I’ll get naked and run around the Obelisk.”

    Argentina secure a group-topping finish with a 2-0 win over Greece. Diego’s happy, but not with the ball.

    “I would ask all Fifa directors to stop talking about me and to start working on having a proper football. This ball is useless. It’s impossible to control.”

    “I am as sad as anyone, but I want to thank the whole Argentina team. I want these boys to stay strong, to keep showing who they are. I want them to continue debunking the myths that millionaire footballers don’t care.”

    He defended goalless Lionel Messi (“anyone saying he didn’t have a great World Cup is an idiot”) and said he would now talk to his family before deciding whether to carry on.

    “I could walk away tomorrow, but I don’t know. I’m going to be 50 on 30 October, and this is the hardest thing I have had to go through since the day I retired from football. It was like a smack in the face from Muhammad Ali. I am drained of strength, but will I leave? I really don’t know. We will see what the future holds.”


    Diego Maradona


    “FIFA officiating does not meet North American standard as set in NHL, MLB, NFL.”

    “Bush league Refs, with no instant reply.”


    “Players who take dives should be thrown out of entire competition”

    (Many) unknown authors


    “I prefer a calm coach on the bench like Van Marwijk, rather than an idiot like Maradona or Dunga.”
    Wesley Sneijder.


    “There’s no reason to fear England.”
    Lukas Podolski.


    “What’s apartheid?”
    Joan Capdevila


    “I can’t say what my granny said about the referee when he sent me off but they were some harsh words”
    Kaka’s


    “I’m not in favour of technology in football or a chip in the ball. The best thing about football is the controversy. But as for that England goal [against Germany] … even my granny could see that it was in. And she wears super-thick glasses.”
    Luis Fabiano

    “God never sleeps, he knows who deserves success.”
    Cristiano Ronaldo


    “I like the Jabulani it’s very pretty.”
    FIFA boss Sepp Blatter


    “It’s going to take us 25 years to win again if we carry on like this.”
    Fabio Cannavaro (Italy)


    “Maradona is a nice guy but he can be a bit pesado [a pain, boring] . And I mean pesado in the nicest possible way.”
    Vicente del Bosque


    “Luis Suarez’s hand was the Hand of God … and the Virgin Mary.”
    Uruguay coach Oscar Tabarez


    “What I saw from the English in their 1-1 draw against the United States had very little to do with football. English have gone backwards into the bad old times of kick and rush.”

    Franz Beckenbauer


    “We beat Germany two years ago and they will not be happy to meet us again. But we also have to forget that match. If we finish without the World Cup, it will be as if we have not done anything.”

    David Villa

    Image

    By Chris YoungSports Reporter

    Life is unfair.

    Soccer is life. Football is life. It must be so. The T-shirts insist, whichever nomenclature and whatever size you order.

    Ergo, soccer/football is unfair.

    Think about it. Luis Suarez was being toasted in Montevideo on Friday night, while he was being hoisted on the shoulders of his Uruguay teammates, while he was roasted with a side order of rueful regret across Africa. The Uruguayan’s blatant cheating, and Asamoah Gyan’s overexcited, overcooked penalty following, was the pivot point of this lesson.

    Unfair? Of course it was.

    On the topic of handballs.

    Associated Press sports columnist John Leicester’s take was short and sweet:

    Uruguay forward Luis Suarez escaped with a one-match suspension from FIFA on Saturday for deliberately using his hands to slap away what would have been a certain match-winning goal for Ghana.

    …

    That is so wrong. FIFA should have sent him packing from the World Cup, deterred cheats by making an example of this one.

    “Foot” and “ball.” It couldn’t be any simpler. The most basic rule is no handling by anyone other than the goalkeeper, and Suarez slapped it in the face.

    Atta Mills seems to think so when i interviewed him. “There is no reason why we cannot win the World Cup, we can do it if we believe we can.”

    FromBill Bailey on Twitter: “Mournful chumps in grey M+S suits – is that how Team England will be remembered?”

    What is Holland’s secret to such a successful 2010 World Cup? (so far) Well the answer is….a bracelet!

    Most Oranje starters have one. A bracelet with two round holograms. Balancing Bracelets, they’re called. And who ever wears them wins power, balance and agility. They restore the electromagnetic balance, according to the supplier.

    “Wesley Sneijder introduced them to the lads,” says Rafael van der Vaart. “It’s actually a hype in Spain, where a lot of people use them. Does it work? I’m not sure, but it doesn’t hurt to wear them.”

    Sneijder: “I thought it was nonsense, but in all honesty: they work. I feel much better with them, more in balance.”

    Recently, Sneijder demonstrated how he can easily put his hand flat on the ground without bending his knees. “Without the bracelet I wouldn’t be able to.”

    *******************************************************************

    Some of the Best Soccer Quotes from the Past

    Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I’m very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.

    Bill Shankly

    English soccer manager.

    Football’s a difficult business and aren’t they prima donnas. But it’s a wonderful game.

    Queen Elizabeth II

    To Premier League Chairman David Richards, November 2006.

    Every time I went away I was deceiving my mum. I’d tell her I was going to school but I’d be out on the street playing football. I always had a ball on my feet.

    Ronaldo

    Brazilian soccer player.

    If a team wants to intimidate you physically and you let them, they’ve won.

    Mia Hamm

    American World Cup Soccer champion.

    I’m here to score a lot of goals. It’s my speciality, that’s what I’ve been brought here to do, and I want to score plenty ; like I did with Barcelona. And here, there’s every reason to think I can do it.

    Ronaldo

    Brazilian soccer player.

    The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn’t move, kick it until it does.

    Phil Woosnam

    Welsh soccer player and manager.

    To say that these men paid their shillings to watch twenty-two hirelings kick a ball is merely to say that a violin is wood and catgut, that Hamlet is so much paper and ink.

    J. B. Priestley

    The Good Companions.

    In football everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team.

    Jean Paul Sartre

    French philosopher.

    Every single day I wake up and commit to myself to becoming a better player.

    Mia Hamm

    American female soccer player.

    I fell in love with football as I would later fall in love with women: suddenly, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain it would bring.

    Nick Hornby

    Opening sentence from English writer’s book Fever Pitch.

    The vision of a champion is someone bent over, drenched in sweat, to a point of exhaustion, when no one else is watching.

    Anson Dorrance

    American women’s soccer coach.

    I loathed the game, and since I could see no pleasure or usefulness in it, it was very difficult for me to show courage at it. Football, it seemed to me, is not really played for the pleasure of kicking a ball about, but is a species of fighting.

    George Orwell

    English writer.

    Every kid around the world who plays soccer wants to be Pele. I have a great responsibility to show them not just how to be like a soccer player, but how to be like a man.

    Pele

    Brazilian soccer player, considered possibly world’s greatest.

    Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

    Roy Keane

    Irish soccer player and English football club manager.

    I’m sure sex wouldn’t be so rewarding as this World Cup. It’s not that sex isn’t good but the World Cup is every four years and sex is not.

    Ronaldo

    Brazilian soccer player, after winning 2002 World Cup.

    Pele called me the greatest footballer in the world. That is the ultimate salute to my life.

    George Best

    Northern Ireland soccer player, from his autobiography, The Good, The Bad and the Bubbly.

    The goal was scored a little bit by the hand of God, another bit by the head of Maradona.

    Maradona

    Argentinian soccer player, on goal against England in 1986 World Cup.

    Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys.

    Oscar Wilde

    Irish writer.

    I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.

    Mia Hamm

    American female soccer player.

    Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentlemen’s game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts.

    Henry Blaha

    The goalkeeper is the jewel in the crown and getting at him should be almost impossible. It’s the biggest sin in football to make him do any work.

    George Graham

    Scottish soccer player and manager.

    Italians can’t win the game against you, but you can lose the game against the Italians.

    Johan Cryuff

    Dutch soccer player.

    Some people tell me that we professional players are soccer slaves. Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence.

    Bobby Charlton

    English soccer player and 1966 World Cup winner.

    Whoever invented football should be worshipped as a God.

    Hugo Sanchez

    Mexican soccer player and coach.

    Five days shalt thou labour, as the Bible says. The seventh day is the Lord thy God’s. The sixth day is for football.

    Anthony Burgess

    English writer.

    In Latin America the border between soccer and politics is vague. There is a long list of governments that have fallen or been overthrown after the defeat of the national team.

    Luis Suarez

    Mexican journalist, quoted in The Soccer War by Ryszard Kapuscinski (1969).

    At a football club, there’s a holy trinity the players, the manager and the supporters. Directors don’t come into it. They are only there to sign the checks.

    Bill Shankly

    English soccer manager.

    If you are first you are first. If you are second, you are nothing.

    Bill Shankly

    English soccer manager.

    The person that said winning isn’t everything, never won anything.

    Mia Hamm

    American female soccer player.

    Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it.

    Mia Hamm

    American female soccer player.

    When I go to the press conference before the game, in my mind the game has already started.

    Jose Mourinho

    Portuguese soccer manager.

    We lost because we didn’t win.

    Ronaldo

    Brazilian soccer player.

    You can have the top stars to bring the attention, you can have the best stadium, you can have the best facilities, you can have the most beautiful project in terms of marketing and all this kind of thing. But if you don’t win… All the work these people are doing is forgotten.

    Jose Mourinho

    Portuguese soccer manager.

    Well the answer is….a bracelet!
    Most Oranje starters have one. A bracelet with two round holograms. Balancing Bracelets, they’re called. And who ever wears them wins power, balance and agility. They restore the electromagnetic balance, according to the supplier.
    “Wesley Sneijder introduced them to the lads,” says Rafael van der Vaart. “It’s actually a hype in Spain, where a lot of people use them. Does it work? I’m not sure, but it doesn’t hurt to wear them.”
    Sneijder: “I thought it was nonsense, but in all honesty: they work. I feel much better with them, more in balance.”
    Recently, Sneijder demonstrated how he can easily put his hand flat on the ground without bending his knees. “Without the bracelet I wouldn’t be able to.”

    Posted in: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Email Delanteros Humor Interesante

    Spanish commentator celebrates goal by convulsing celebración de Camacho gol de Villa a Paraguay 2010

    8:11am 8:11 am / Leave a Comment /

    Posted in: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Email Delanteros Humor Interesante

    Maxine and Maxine cartoons: Her “Crabby” Story Explained – Maxine History and Sayings

    9:07am 9:07 am / Leave a Comment /

    Maxine is a comic character featured on Hallmark greeting cards and other products. She first appeared on greeting cards when Hallmark launched the Shoebox line of cards in 1986. Hallmark artist John Wagner created the character. She is known for her cantankerous and cynical attitude.

    Maxine currently has two books published by Hallmark: It’s Not Menopause … I’m Just Like This and her newest book, And Another Thing: Maxine on Life, Love, and Losers, which was released fall 2007. Maxine.com offers more than 20 free e-cards featuring Maxine and her dog, Floyd. Maxine will celebrate her 25th anniversary in 2011.

    John Wagner, Hallmark artist since 1970, says Maxine was inspired by his mother, his maiden aunts and his grandmother, the woman who bought him art lessons when ‘fill in the pumpkins’ was about the extent of his art classes at St. John’s Catholic School in Leonia N.J.

    She also makes you think – and makes you want to say, ‘So what?’ to what the world thinks.

    Maxine’s cartoons would be some of the most eagerly awaited ones in over one hundred newspapers. Online, you can find her daily dose of crabbiness here.

    Her husband, Marvin, has also become very popular and a great target for Maxine.

    Maxine -revenge

    Maxine’s Maxims76
    rate or flag this page
    By Shalini Kagal
    An International Women’s Day tribute to Maxine – may her caustic humour keep us in splits for years!
    Who wouldhave thought that a grey-haired, cantankerous old woman would have everyone insplits with her acerbic wit? And even stranger – who would have thought thatshe could have been created by a man? This sourpuss of a woman who iscrabbiness personified looks straight at you from the cartoon she’s in andgives you the laughs you need for the day. It doesn’t stop there however. Shealso makes you think – and makes you want to say, ‘So what?’ to what the worldthinks.
    She was‘born’ in 1986 and her creator John Wagner, an artist working with Hallmarkcreated her for a smaller greeting card line in Hallmark called ShoeboxGreetings. She was a character inspired by his mother, his grandmother and hismaiden aunts. The staff at Hallmark was concerned – would the world accept her?Would the older audience out there take it amiss? They really had no cause toworry – everyone just welcomed her and she became an icon for the older woman.In fact, she made it fashionable to be crabby! No topic is too sacrosanct forMaxine to sneer at – no one is above the line of her direct hitting barbs ofsarcasm. And the nastier she is, the more you love her!
    Fromgreeting cards to comic books to all kinds of licensed merchandise – you’llfind Maxine’s scowl peering at you and you can’t help but smile. For JohnWagner, if he could put a smile on the face of an older woman who was lonelyand felt out of sorts with the rest of the world, he was happy. What no oneexpected was that Maxine would grow to become a cult and that her cartoon stripwould be one of the most eagerly awaited ones in over one hundred newspapers. Online,you can find her daily dose of crabbiness here. Who better than Maxine tohonour this International Women’s Day?

    Marvin - Maxine's Husband England jokes

    The wisdom of Maxine:

    As I’ve Matured…

    I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

    I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

    I’ve learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

    I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

    I’ve learned that I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

    I’ve learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

    I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

    Life isn’t like a box of chocolates, it’s more like a jar of jalapenos — you never know what’s going to burn your ass.

    Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing them again.

    I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

    Everyone is someone else’s weirdo.

    Never argue with an idiot.. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

    Be careful . . .a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

    The more Shit you put up with, the more Shit you are going to get.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

    What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it!

    Training means learning the rules. Experience means learning the exceptions

    metaphors

    * She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

    * McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

    * The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

    * The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

    * The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

    * Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

    * The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    * Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on “All-you-can-Drink” night.

    * He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    * Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

    * She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

    * The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lightpost.

    * It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

    * He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a refusetruck reversing.

    * She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Texas beef.

    * It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming… ‘Wow! What a ride!’

    Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says… “Oh shit…she’s awake!!”

    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

    Life is sexually transmitted.

    If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

    Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

    Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

    Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

    In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    Maxine on….

    “Driver Safety” – “I can’t use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.”

    “Lawn Care” – “The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless.”

    “the Perfect Man” – “All I’m looking for is a guy who’ll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed.”

    “the Technology Revolution” – “My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice.”

    “Aging” – “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita.”

    FUNNY EMAILS TO FORWARD AND JOKES

    Posted in: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 2. FUNNY EMAILS, 4. Old Age or Golden Years Jokes, 5. Email Delanteros Humor Interesante

    Maxine and Enjoying a Glass of Wine

    7:10am 7:10 am / Leave a Comment /

    To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine…
    And those who don’t and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand.


    As Ben Franklin said:
    In wine there is wisdom,
    In beer there is freedom,
    In water there is bacteria.



    In a number of carefully controlled trials,
    Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
    1 liter of water each day,
    At the end of the year we would have absorbed
    More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) – bacteria
    Found in feces.
    In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop…



    However,
    We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
    (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
    Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
    Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
    Remember:
    Water = Poop,
    Wine = Health .
    Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid,
    Than to drink water and be full of shit.


    Maxine advice

    There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
    I’m doing it as  a public service

    Posted in: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Email Delanteros Humor Interesante

    World Cup 2010 Agony for Brazil and Argentina Ecstasy for Holland and Germany

    2:59pm 2:59 pm / Leave a Comment /

    Agony for Brazil-Ecstasy for HollandDutch Fans 2010

    Posted in: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Email Delanteros Humor Interesante