G20 continues to be an incredible Joke on Canadian Tax payers.
I love the millions spent in and around Huntsville for the G8 on potable toilets. Some miles away from any delegats. What a waste!
Category Archives: 1. Funny Email Forwards
Funny Football Soccer Quotes – World Cup Fever 2010
“When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1” – Lawrie McMenemy, Manager of Southampton FC
“And Farmer has now scored 19 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season” – Gary Lyon an Australian Commentator, finding multiplication difficult!
“Winning doesn’t really matter as long as you win” -Vinny Jones!
“Is the Pope Catholic. No I’m serious, is he? I really need to know”– David Beckham.
“Diego Maradona – a flawed genius who has now become a genius who is flawed” – Bob Wilson
“Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose.”– Kevin Keegan
“Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins.” – Brian Moore
“I spent 90 percent of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted!” – The legendary George Best, RIP
“This is an unusual Scotland side because they have good players”– Javier Clemente
“The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23!†– Kevin Keegan!
“We lost because we didn’t win”– Ronaldo
“Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side”– David Beckham after being asked if he is ‘volatile’, obviously thinking that this meant ‘versatile’
Reporter:-Â “It looked like you were outplayed in certain area’s of the field in today’s game.” Gordon Strachan:-Â “Yes, we were outplayed in certain parts of the field today, the big green area of it…”
FUNNY EMAILS TO FORWARD
Why Teachers Drink – If you had a Little Johnny in your class, you would drink too!
Little Johnny was sad and sitting on the back bench. His teacher came in the class, and she found Little Johnny sitting at the back, where he never sat earlier.
Teacher asked, “What is wrong with you Johnny.”
Little johnny said, “Mam, you tell me, whether it is right to punish someone for not doing something?”
The teacher thought for a while, and said, “No, of course not.”
Little Johnny said, “Then, Mam, I have not done my homework.”
Teacher: Why have you come so late in the class?
Little Johnny: Sir I saw a signboard down the road.
Teacher: That is fine that you saw a signboard down the road, but what does a signboard have to do with your being late?
Little Johnny The signboard said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
Little Johnny was sad and sitting on the back bench. His teacher came in the class, and she found Little Johnny sitting at the back, where he never sat earlier.
Teacher asked, “What is wrong with you Johnny.”
Little johnny said, “Mam, you tell me, whether it is right to punish someone for not doing something?”
The teacher thought for a while, and said, “No, of course not.”
Little Johnny said, “Then, Mam, I have not done my homework.”
Teacher: Why have you come so late in the class?
Little Johnny: Sir I saw a signboard down the road.
Teacher: That is fine that you saw a signboard down the road, but what does a signboard have to do with your being late?
Little Johnny The signboard said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!”
Funny things not to say in an Interview
Hahahaha how much !!?
“I’m not wanted in this state.”
“How many young women work here?”
“I didn’t steal it; I just borrowed it.”
“You touch somebody and they call it sexual harassment!”
“I’ve never heard such a stupid question.”
You look just like my old boss. I hated my old boss!
Have you got a light?
You want me to do WHAT!!?
Do you mind if I take my clothes off ?
Do you mind if I remain standing ?
Do you cover Viagra?
What not to do in an Interview – Resume Blunders
From Ask Annie’s article about resume blunders:
- “an applicant ghosted a headshot as the background to her resumeâ€
- Other Interests: “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)â€.
- “One applicant used colored paper and drew glitter designs around the borderâ€
- Hobbies: “getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking potâ€
- Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jailâ€
- A woman had attached a picture of herself in a mini mouse costume
- Hobbies: “Drugs and girlsâ€.
- Under “job related skills†– for a web designer – “can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feetâ€.
- My sister-in-law misspelled the word “proofreading†in her skill set.
- The objective on one recent resume I received stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.
- Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highwayâ€
- Experience: “Stalking, shipping & receivingâ€
- “I am great with the pubic.â€
- A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com
- The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.
- One candidate’s electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.
- “…sent out my resume on the back side of a draft of a cover letter to another firm…â€
- “My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.â€
- One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn’t like dealing with blood or needles.
- Achievements: “Nominated for prom queenâ€
- I once received a resume with a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the first page. The picture was of a lion’s head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie.
- a resume… was printed on the back of the person’s current employer’s letterhead.
- One resume that came across my desk stated how the individual had won a contest for building toothpick bridges in middle school.
- A resume… had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it
- Hobbies: “Having a good timeâ€
What to do and not do in an Interview
What not not to do and What to Say in a Job Interview
Don’t look at your watch every 10 minutes.
Don’t play with things like a pen or a knickknack sitting on the interviewer’s desk.
Don’t get too comfortable.
Don’t promise to fix the company’s two years of losses and cure all the problems in the world.
Don’t assume that you have the job until it’s offered to you.
What to Say and do in a Job Interview
1. The art of listening
One of the first skills of a conversation is the art of listening.
2. When to speak
Keep in mind when to speak and when not to. Â This is doubly important when you are facing more than one interviewer.
3. The information you provide
Quality over quantity Concentration and focus are quite important.
4. Provide Facts
5. Relevancy
focus on relevancy.
6. A team player
Make it clear to the  interviewers that you are a team player.
8. Future plans
9. Honest answers
Proof Read your resumeeee:
“Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detailâ€
Woman who sent her résumé and cover letter without deleting someone else’s editing, including such comments as “I don’t think you want to say this about yourself hereâ€
What not not to do in an Interview
Don’t chew gum.
Don’t drink before the interview (alcohol).
Don’t look at your watch every 10 minutes.
Don’t be late.
Don’t play with things like a pen or a knickknack sitting on the interviewer’s desk.
Don’t get too comfortable.
Don’t promise to fix the company’s two years of losses and cure all the problems in the world.
Don’t assume that you have the job until it’s offered to you.
What to Say and do in a Job Interview
1. The art of listening
One of the first skills of a conversation is the art of listening.
2. When to speak
Keep in mind when to speak and when not to. Â This is doubly important when you are facing more than one interviewer.
3. The information you provide
Quality over quantity Concentration and focus are quite important.
4. Provide Facts
5. Relevancy
focus on relevancy.
6. A team player
Make it clear to the  interviewers that you are a team player.
8. Future plans
9. Honest answers
10 . Know your strengths
Proof Read your resumeeee:
A Computer error message I don’t mind getting!
Now, finally a computer error message I can understand.
England – Car Crashes and the World Cup – Humour
Car insurance companies in the UK will be pleased if England crashes out of the 2010 World Cup in the early stages.
Based on information collated from the 2004 European championships it appears that England’s drivers crash their cars more often on England match days. In 2004 crashes leapt by some 14% generally during the whole tournament. Accident figures when England played against Portugal and lost on penalties rose by over 51%.
World Cup Soccer / Football Referee Joke
It was the World Cup dinner and dance held in the evening, after the final. The festivities were in full swing when three newcomers arrived without tickets. ‘It’s all right,’ said one, ‘we’re friends of the referee.’
‘Whoever heard of a referee with three friends?’, said the bouncer, as he threw them out.
New Cowboy Boots
An elderly couple Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, ‘Notice anything different about me?’ Margaret looked him over. ‘Nope.’ Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, ‘Notice anything different NOW?’ Margaret looked up and exclaimed, ‘Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!’ Furious, Bert yelled, ‘AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?’ ‘Nope’, she replied.. ‘IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!’ Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,  ‘Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.
