A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLDER:
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I forgot what it was…..
Shit …
Category Archives: 1. Funny Email Forwards
Growing Older Message
My Private Part Died Today! Very Funny Joke
An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living
the last of his life in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
“Yes, Nurse Tracy ,” said Mr. Wallace,
“My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.”
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes
a little crazy, she replied, “Oh, I’m so sorry,
Mr. Wallace, please accept my condolences.”
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down
the hall with his Private Part hanging
out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
“Mr. Wallace,” she said, “you shouldn’t be walking
down the hall like that. Please put your
Private Part back inside your pajamas.”
But, Nurse Tracy,” replied Mr. Wallace,
” I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.”
“Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it
hanging out of your pajamas?”
You gotta love this.
“Well, he replied, ‘Today’s the viewing.
Click on the following for many more Jokes for
The Golden Years
http://goldenyearshumor.blogspot.co
Doctor’s Office Advertising…
You may have seen incidental pharmaceutical advertising in doctor’s offices printed on everything from tissue boxes to exam
table cover paper. This one should get 1st prize….
One of our doctor buddies e-mailed back:
‘If the light stays on for more than 4 hours, call your erectrician.’
Witch Way do I go! Funny picture
Click on the following links for some great music, stories, and sound effects for Halloween:
http://halloweenfun4us.blogspot.com/
These are not as I remember Funny changes to common nursery rhymes
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Hope they are running out of Instructors!
Everyone  seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide . .. Let’s see  now…
No  Jesus
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No Nude Women
No car races
No  football
No baseball
No  golf
No tailgate  parties
No Wal-Mart
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No  burgers
No chocolate chip  cookies
No  lobster
No  shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No nachos
No Beer nuts
No Beer !!!!!!!!
Constant  wailing from the guy next-door because he’s sick and there are no  doctors..
More  than one wife.
You  can’t shave.
Your  wives can’t shave.
You  can’t shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel  dung.
The women  have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your  bride is picked by someone else.
She  smells just like  your donkey.
But your  donkey has a better disposition.
Then they  tell you that when you die it all gets better!
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No Nude Women
No car races
No  football
No baseball
No  golf
No tailgate  parties
No Wal-Mart
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No  burgers
No chocolate chip  cookies
No  lobster
No  shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No nachos
No Beer nuts
No Beer !!!!!!!!
Constant  wailing from the guy next-door because he’s sick and there are no  doctors..
More  than one wife.
You  can’t shave.
Your  wives can’t shave.
You  can’t shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel  dung.
The women  have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your  bride is picked by someone else.
She  smells just like  your donkey.
But your  donkey has a better disposition.
Then they  tell you that when you die it all gets better!
Proofreading is Important!
Ads that Should Have Been Proofread
• For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
• Dinner Specials: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
Confucius Says:
Confucius Says:
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in
Front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind
Car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one
Chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch butt
Should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many
Prunes get good run for money..
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong:
Man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not
Determine who is right, war determine who is
Left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put
Husband in doghouse soon find him in
Cathouse..
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with
Wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails
To build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like
Hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in
Glass house should change clothes in
Basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in
Other man’s well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator
Smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Person who deletes this has no humor!!!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Now send it to 1
Or more people.
Nothing will
Happen but 1 or more people laughing due to these
FUNNY EMAILS
Little Johnny Joke —One of my favourite new Jokes!
Little Johnny Joke
Just before the holidays started, Johnny’s teacher told the class that she was going to have a trivia contest. Students who correctly answered the questions would be allowed to leave early. This got Johnny’s attention.
His teacher asked the first question “Who said, I have a dream?â€
Johnny knew this one and his hand was up before anyone else.
The teacher picked Sally and Sally answered Matin Luther King, Jr.
The teacher said, “Right, you may leave. Have a nice holiday.”
â€Next question.â€
“Who said, Ask not what your country can do for you, but…?â€
Little Johnny was super excited because he knew this one, too. He waved his hand furiously so that his teacher would pick him.
But the teacher chose Andrea.
Andrea said, “That was John F Kennedy.†Of course she was right and she was allowed to leave early.
Little Johnny was getting quite upset. He knew the answers and his hand was up first.
“Next question.â€
“Who said, That’s one small step for man, one giant…?”
Johnny couldn’t believe his luck because he knew this one, also.
His hand shot up like a rocket.
The teacher looked around and finally picked another little girl, Susan.
Susan said Neil Armstrong and the teacher told her she could leave and hoped she enjoyed the holidays.
By this time Little Johnny was fuming. He wanted to go home early. It wasn’t fair and he whispered, a little too loudly, “Christ, I wish those bitches would just shut up!â€
The teacher yelled, “Who said that?â€