Category Archives: 4. Old Age Or Golden Years Jokes
Maxine -Nothing really changes
Do you know what happened 160 years ago this fall….. back in 1850?
California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically nothing has changed except the women had real breasts and the men didn’t hold hands.
I clean the toilet!
“Whenever I get mad at you, you never seem to get upset. How do you manage to control your temper?”
“I just go and clean the toilet.”
“How does that help?”
“I use your tooth brush!”
and that’s when the fight started…
Getting Old -1977 compared to 2010 Interesting and Funny email Forward
|
Not Feeling Old Today – Too bad!
Just in case you weren’t feeling too old today, this Will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to Try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year’s incoming freshmen. Here’s this year’s list:
The people who are starting college this fall across The nation were born in 1993
They are too young to remember the 1st space
Shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering! Machine
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: ‘Where’s the Beef?’ , ‘I’d walk
A mile for a Camel’, or ‘de plane, Boss, de plane.’
They do not care who shot J. R. And have no idea who J. R. Even is.
McDonald’s never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don’t have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. Notice the larger type, that’s For those of you who have trouble reading…Â 
So have a nice day!!!!! It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!!
THE LOVE DRESS -Funny Email Joke about Old Age
| THE LOVE DRESS
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house.. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked. ‘I’m waiting for Justin to come home from work.’ the daughter-in-law answered. ‘ But you’re naked!’ the mother-in-law exclaimed. ‘This is my love dress,’ the daughter-in-law explained. ‘Love dress? But you’re naked!’ ‘Justin loves me to wear this dress,’ she explained. ‘Every time he sees me in this dress he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.’ The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. ‘ What are you doing?’ he asked.. ‘This is my love dress,’ she whispered sensually. ‘Needs ironing,’ he said, ‘What’s for dinner? and that’s when the fight started…
|
A real man…
A real man is a woman’s best friend. Â He will never stand her up and never let her down. Â He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. Â He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. Â He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.
No wait… sorry I’m thinking of wine!
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
Someone had to remind me, so I’m reminding you too. Don’t laugh…..it is all true…
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run–anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won’t wear out
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19.You can’t remember who sent you this list.Â
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Forward this to everyone you can remember right now!
And Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Red Skelton’s recipe for the perfect marriage
Red Skelton’s recipe for the perfect marriage
1.  Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.  She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2.  We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is  in California ,  and mine is in Texas .
3. Â I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4.  I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  ’Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said.  So I suggested the kitchen.
5. Â We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. Â She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said ‘There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!’ So, I bought her an electric chair.
7.  My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor.   I asked where the car was. She told me,  ’In the lake.’
8. Â She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Â Then the mud fell off.
9.  She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, ‘Am I too late for the garbage?’ The driver said, ‘No, jump in!’
10. Â Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11.  I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
12.  I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.   I don’t like to interrupt her.