Senior Citizen Job Application

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen

submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas.

They hired him because he was so funny…..

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will

cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Companyâ€s President or Vice President. But seriously,

whateverâ€s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldnâ€t be applying

here in the first place ?

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style

severance package. If thatâ€s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than Iâ€m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it

notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m . Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but theyâ€re better suited to a more

intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO

50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you

have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner

of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job – no!

On my breaks – yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a

fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks Iâ€m the greatest thing

since sliced bread.

Actually, Iâ€d like to be doing that now

NEAREST RELATIVE.7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR

KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.