BOB & THE BLONDE
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a
sports bar around 9:58 pm.
He sat down next to a blonde at the
bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 pm news was coming on.
The news crew was covering the story
of a man on the ledge of a large building
preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said,
“Do you think he’ll jump?”
Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and
said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money
on the bar, the guy on the ledge did
a swan dive off the building, falling
to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly
handed her $20 to Bob, saying,
“Fair’s fair. Â Here’s your money.”
Bob replied, “I can’t take your money.
I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news,
and so I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did too, but
didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money…
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a
sports bar around 9:58 pm.
He sat down next to a blonde at the
bar and stared up at the TV for World Cup 2010 Highlights.
The 10 pm news was coming on.
The news crew was covering the story
of a man on the ledge of a large building
preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said,
“Do you think he’ll jump?”
Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and
said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money
on the bar, the guy on the ledge did
a swan dive off the building, falling
to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly
handed her $20 to Bob, saying,
“Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”
Bob replied, “I can’t take your money.
I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news,
and so I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did too, but
didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money…
Poor Baby (Blonde)
Jun
9
John on June 9th, 2010
Schedule and Opening Ceremony: The FIFA World Cup is about to begin. In just two days, all the preparations done by host Country South Africa will soon be realized as the FIFA World Cup starts its grand opening ceremony on June 10, 2010.
This year’s FIFA World Cup in South Africa will have a “2-day opening†that would start on Thursday night at 8:00 p.m. local time (GMT+2) at the newly-renovated Orlando Stadium in Soweto/Johannesburg. Various artists are expected to perform in the opening ceremony. Shakira will perform the official 2010 World Cup song entitled “Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)â€. She will be joined with a local South African group Freshlyground.
Soccer fever is spreading around the world.
The first match scheduled to kickoff on June 11, 2010 will be South Africa VS Mexico at 10:00 EDT. The game will be held in Johannesburg while Uruguay VS France will be held in Cape Town at 14:30 EDT. The title match will be held on July 11, at 1:30 PM ET from the Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg.
The total prize money on offer for the tournament confirmed by FIFA as $420 million. Round 16 qualifiers will receive $9 million, $18 million for the Quarter-finalist, $20 million in Semi-finals, $24 million for the runner up and $30 million for the Winner.
According to the FIFA World Cup 2010 schedule, the first match will kick off on June 11, 2010 at exactly 4:00pm. In this football match, South Africa will be facing Mexico. This will then be followed by a second football match the following day at 8:30 pm between Uruguay and France.
Jun
9
John on June 9th, 2010
Jun
9
John on June 9th, 2010
He has Football soccer fever!
Artist Nathan Wyburn decided on an Italian theme when he planned a portrait of England’s World Cup manager Fabio Capello.
So the 20-year-old University of Wales Institute student paid tribute to the Italian coach using some of the ingredients from Italy’s cuisine, pasta sheets as canvas and bolognese sauce for paint.
The finished 5 foot portrait bears a striking resemblance to the man who carries England’s hopes on his shoulders at the tournament in South Africa.
“He’s got quite an interesting face compared with some of the other celebrities I’ve done because he’s got his glasses and he’s older than some of the other celebrities as well, he’s got an iconic face,” said Nathan.
“My mother always told me not to play with my food when I was younger, so it’s taken that to another level I suppose.”
Nathan based his portrait on a photograph of the manager, whose side began their World Cup campaign against the USA on June 12.
And the artist is confident Capello will lead England to glory.
“He’ll definitely bring the World Cup back to England this year, I think he’s going to do a great job,” he said.
Jun
9
John on June 9th, 2010
A pub boss has instilled some World Cup spirit in his staff by convincing them to change their names to Wayne Rooney.
Ten staff at the Shakespeare Inn in Manchester city centre made the switch by deed poll to show their support for the striker and the England squad.
Boss Chris Hilditch hopes his stars behind the bar will enthuse customers during the tournament.
But asked whether he had led by example and followed suit, he replied: “No, I’m the boss – Fabio Capello.”
The staff all applied for a change of name through the UK Deed Poll Service and were granted their new names on Friday.
They will all wear T-shirts bearing their new names during the tournament to make sure customers know what to call them.
One Wayne Rooney, formerly Joanne Hill, 23, kitchen staff at the Bay Horse, said they had all decided to change their names in a show of support for the England squad during the tournament in South Africa.
She said: “The managers wanted to do something so we all sat down and decided to do this. It’s to show our support for England and show how much we’re behind them.”
Barmaid Wayne Rooney, aka Katie Hyett, told the BBC her family had yet to hear about her new moniker.
“I haven’t told them yet, it’s still a surprise,” the 24-year-old said.
“But my boyfriend is a bit shocked I’m now Wayne. He’s a Liverpool fan so he’s been sleeping on the sofa in protest.”
It is a sentiment shared by Andy Wilkinson, managing director of pub owner Clover Taverns, who has replicated the idea across the country – after changing his name to Sepp Blatter.
“We have over 100 Wayne Rooneys working throughout the country for the whole of the World Cup and I’m glad to say that we have 10 Fabio Capellos keeping them in control,” he said.
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,
raised a glass of water and asked, “how heavy is this glass of water?â€
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, “The
absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold
it.â€
“If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it
for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day,
you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it’s the same weight,
but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.â€
He continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden
becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. As with the
glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before
holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the
burden.â€
“So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work
down. Don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens
you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.†“Relax;
pick them up later after you’ve rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!
And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of
life:
* Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re
the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have
to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in
the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by
their maker.
* If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
a warning to others.
* Never buy a car you can’t push.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because
then you won’t have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep
late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you
live.
* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be
the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are
pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different
colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a
detour.
Have an awesome day!
Jun
8
John on June 8th, 2010
Hudson River Plane Landing (US Airways 1549) Animation with Audio
PASSAGE OF TIME LEAVES OUT NO ONE !!!
Seeing these pictures made me feel better!
Ian Torpe
Val Kilmer
Mickey Rourke
Brendan Fraser
More after the break
Russel Crowe
Alec Baldwin
Richard Gere
Roger Moore
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Pierce Brosnan
Clint Eastwood
Rod Stewart
ARE YOU FEELING BETTER TOO???
Take care.
We are in trouble…
The population of the United States is approx. 310 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons
That leaves just two people to do the work
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your ass,
At your computer, reading jokes.
