John on August 16th, 2010

Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?

Sarah: HIJKLMNO

Teacher: What are you talking about?

Student: Yesterday you said it is H to O

Teacher: Now Sam tell me frankly do you say your prayers before eating?

Sam: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.

Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

Willy: Me

Teacher: Tommy why do you always get so dirty?

Tommy: Well, I am a lot closer to the ground than you are.

Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.

George: Here it is

Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

Class: George

Silvia: Daddy can you write in the dark?

Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?

Silvia: Your name on this report card.

Teacher: How do you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

Jose: Don’t bite any

Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I”.

Ellen: I is

Teacher: No Ellen, always say, “I am”

Ellen: Alright, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Teacher: Can anybody give an example of a “COINCIDENCE”?

Johnny: “Sir, my mother and father got married same day same time.”

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree but admitted doing it. Do you know why his father did not punish him?

Johnny: Because George still has the axe in his hand.

Teacher: Why are you late?

Johnny: Because of the sign

Teacher: What sign?

Johnny: School Ahead! Go Slow

why teachers drink

FUNNY EMAILS TO FORWARD

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John on August 7th, 2010

During an art class, Little Johnny’s teacher asked Little Johnny what he was going to draw. He answered, “God!”

She said, ” Oh Johnny, no one knows what God looks like!”

Little Johnny answered, “They will in a minute.”

Little Johnny

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John on July 30th, 2010

CBR001025

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said:

‘Let me see if I’ve got this right.

‘You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

‘You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

‘You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.

‘You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams

‘You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

‘You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

‘You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . .

I CAN’T PRAY?

Also:

without support from many parents ( When I was a student, If I got in trouble at school I got in more trouble at home)

with dwindling budgets and support

with the threat of losing my job if students perform poorly on state, federal or provincial tests (which  are a waste of money and time)

with a great deal of stress

with a huge workload

with low status

after 5 years of College or University Education

No wonder there are so many emails making the rounds about, WHY TEACHERS DRINK!


Continue reading about NOMINATED FOR ” BEST EMAIL OF THE YEAR 2010”

Another reason “Why Teachers Drink!” Can’t believe the parents have sued the school!

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John on July 19th, 2010

why teachers drink -22

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

psycho -why teachers drink

Continue reading about Why Teachers Drink – Four more reasons!

John on June 29th, 2010

The children had all been photographed, and
the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a
doctor.'” And Little Johnny, at the back of the room, yelled out, “And there’s
the teacher; …she’s dead.”

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John on June 23rd, 2010
you have no time for a life from August to June.
you want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!”
when out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.
you refer to adults as “boys and girls.”
you encourage your spouse by telling them they are a “good helper.”
you’ve ever had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.
meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question, “Why is this kid like this?”
you believe “extremely annoying” should have its own box on the report card.
you know hundred good reasons for being late.
you don’t want children of your own because there isn’t a name you can hear that wouldn’t elevate your blood pressure.

why teachers drink 33

you have no time for a life from August to June.

you want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!”

when out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.

you refer to adults as “boys and girls.”

you encourage your spouse by telling them they are a “good helper.”

you’ve ever had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.

meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question, “Why is this kid like this?”

you believe “extremely annoying” should have its own box on the report card.

you know hundred good reasons for being late.

you don’t want children of your own because there isn’t a name you can hear that wouldn’t elevate your blood pressure.

Continue reading about Why Teacher’s Drink

Dept of Statistics:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept of Psychology:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept of History:
All students get the same grade they got last year.
Dept of Religion:
Grade is determined by God.
Dept of Philosophy:
What is a grade?
Law School:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
Dept of Logic:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
Dept of Computer Science:
Random number generator determines grade.
Music Department:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and – would be sharp and flat respectively).
Dept of Physical Education:
Everybody gets an A.

Dept of Statistics:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept of Psychology:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The prof opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept of History:
All students get the same grade they got last year.
Dept of Religion:
Grade is determined by God.
Dept of Philosophy:
What is a grade?
Law School:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
Dept of Logic:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
Dept of Computer Science:
Random number generator determines grade.
Music Department:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and – would be sharp and flat respectively).
Dept of Physical Education:
Everybody gets an A.

Continue reading about Why Teachers Drink – Because Grading is so difficult!!!

Little Johnny was sad and sitting on the back bench. His teacher came in the class, and she found Little Johnny sitting at the back, where he never sat earlier.

Teacher asked, “What is wrong with you Johnny.”

Little johnny said, “Mam, you tell me, whether it is right to punish someone for not doing something?”

The teacher thought for a while, and said, “No, of course not.”

Little Johnny said, “Then, Mam, I have not done my homework.”

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Teacher: Why have you come so late in the class?

Little Johnny: Sir I saw a signboard down the road.

Teacher: That is fine that you saw a signboard down the road, but what does a signboard have to do with your being late?

Little Johnny The signboard said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”

Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.

Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!”

Continue reading about Why Teachers Drink – If you had a Little Johnny in your class, you would drink too!

I may be mistaken, but these Elephant statues that guard the entrance to the Carlsberg brewery in Copenhagen, look a little drunk!!!

Elephant statues guard the entrance to the Carlsberg brewery in Copenhagen tipsy

Workers at the Carlsberg brewery in Denmark are on strike after management handed down new rules about drinking on the job. Now, employees are allowed to drink beer only while at lunch:

The strike in Denmark followed the company’s April 1 decision to introduce new rules for employees on beer drinking at work, said Jens Bekke, spokesman at the world no.4 brewer.

“There has been free beer, water and soft drinks everywhere,” he said. “Yesterday, beers were removed from all refrigerators. The only place you can get a beer in future is in the canteen, at lunch.”

Bekke said drivers retained an old right to three beers per day outside lunch hours, and warehouse workers claimed the same right.

“Because of that, the warehouse staff went on strike yesterday, with other staff striking in sympathy,” he said.

I believe the strike ended by noon because the workers were thirsty!!!!!!!!

Drivers can have three beers per day outside lunch hours???????????????????

Maybe teachers should strike for free beer at lunch to help cope with the stress!

why teachers drink,  funny email forward


Continue reading about Only allowed beers at Lunch leads to strike -Was it an April Fools Joke?