John on July 21st, 2010

A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches
I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”

“No more headaches?”
The husband asks, ”What happened?”

His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to
stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat “I do not Have
a Headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache..”

It Worked! The headaches are all gone.”

The husband replies, “Well, that is wonderful.”

His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of
Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don’t you go see the
Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”

The husband agrees to try it

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his
clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.

He puts her on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

He goes into the Bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and
jumps into bed and makes Passionate love to his wife like never
before.

His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful!”

The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.” He goes back
into the bathroom, Comes back and round two was even better than The
First time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
“She’s not my Wife.
She’s Not my wife.
She’s not my wife…”

That's hypnotism!

and that’s when the fight started…

Continue reading about That’s hypnotism!

John on July 19th, 2010

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It’s one of those ‘evolutionary things’ that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…”

Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch?
A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

Q: When will women will be equal to men?
A: When they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Fact: In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Fact: I married a Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Fact: Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%. It’s called a Wedding Cake.

jay-and-silent-bob- men compared to women

and that’s when the fight started…

Continue reading about Men compared to women

My wife and I operate an expanding business and we needed to hire a new employee. I through this application in the garbage. My wife (without me knowing) replied to Bryan!
****************
To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,
Pepole really seam to respond
to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
BRYAN
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short – below is a pickture of me.
My wife’s response:
Dear Bryan ,
It’s OK honey, we’ve got spell check.
See you Monday.
AND THAT’S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED…


Maxine and I operate a small but growing business and we needed to hire a new employee. I threw this application in the garbage. Maxine (without me knowing) replied to Bryan!

****************

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..

I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,

Pepole really seam to respond

to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.

I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.

My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,

BRYAN

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short – below is a pickture of me.

Maxine’s response:

Dear Bryan ,

It’s OK honey, we’ve got spell check.

See you Monday.

Maxine

Maxine -job interview

AND THAT’S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED…

Marvin - job interview -joke

What does she see in Bryan? I bet he doesn’t even drink beer!

Continue reading about Maxine and the Job Interview -Speling doesnt mattor

John on July 13th, 2010
A married couple are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks
up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. “What do you think you’re
doing?” asks the wife.
“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies.
“Put them back! We can’t afford them,” orders the wife.
They carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts
it in the basket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.
“Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, “So does 24 cans of Budweiser, and it’s half the price.”

A married couple are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks
up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. “What do you think you’re
doing?” asks the wife.

“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies.

“Put them back! We can’t afford them,” orders the wife.

They carry on shopping.

A few aisles farther on the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts
it in the basket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.

“Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

Her husband retorts, “So does 24 cans of Budweiser, and it’s half the price.”

Marvin (Maxine’s husband) “I like that joke!”

Marvin -$10 for 24 cans-I like this joke

Continue reading about 24 Cans of Beer for $10 or???

John on June 29th, 2010

I asked my wife, “Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? When a woman wears a leather dress,

a man’s heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and

he begins to think irrationally.”

My wife asked, “Why?”

I said,”It’s because she smells like a new golf bag.”

golf bag joke1

golf leather dress

and that’s when the fight started…

Continue reading about Leather Dresses

John on June 7th, 2010

An elderly couple Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, ‘Notice anything different about me?’ Margaret looked him over. ‘Nope.’  Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.  Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, ‘Notice anything different NOW?’  Margaret looked up and exclaimed, ‘Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!’  Furious, Bert yelled, ‘AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?’  ‘Nope’, she replied..  ‘IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!’  Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,  ‘Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.

cowboy boots joke

and that’s when the fight started…

Continue reading about New Cowboy Boots

John on May 26th, 2010

Who’s the Boss?

While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, “Daddy, you’re the boss in our family, right?” The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, “Yes my little princess.” The girl then continued, “Mommy told me you were the boss because she put you in charge, right?”

AND THAT’S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED…

Continue reading about Who’s the Boss – Father’s Day Joke

John on May 23rd, 2010

Fight 1

“Whenever I get mad at you, you never seem to get upset. How do you manage to control your temper?”

“I just go and clean the toilet.”

Fight 2

“How does that help?”

“I use your tooth brush!”

and that’s when the fight started…

Continue reading about I clean the toilet!

John on May 19th, 2010
THE LOVE DRESS

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house..

She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

‘What are you doing?’ she asked.

‘I’m waiting for Justin to come home from work.’ the daughter-in-law answered.

‘ But you’re naked!’ the mother-in-law exclaimed.

‘This is my love dress,’ the daughter-in-law explained.

‘Love dress? But you’re naked!’

‘Justin loves me to wear this dress,’ she explained.

‘Every time he sees me in this dress he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.’

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

‘ What are you doing?’ he asked..

‘This is my love dress,’ she whispered sensually.

‘Needs ironing,’ he said, ‘What’s for dinner?

and that’s when the fight started…

The Love dress old age humor

Continue reading about THE LOVE DRESS -Funny Email Joke about Old Age

John on May 12th, 2010

*A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

‘Not a chance,’ says the husband, ‘it is 3:00 in the morning!’

He slams the door and returns to bed.

‘Who was that?’ asked his wife.

‘Just some drunk guy asking for a push,’ he answers.

‘Did you help him?’ she asks.

‘No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!’

‘Well, you have a short memory,’ says his wife. ‘Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!’

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, ‘Hello, are you still there?’

‘Yes,’ comes back the answer.

‘Do you still need a push?’ calls out the husband..

‘Yes, please!’ comes the reply from the dark.

‘Where are you?’ asks the husband.

‘Over here on the swing,’ replied the drunk.*

and that’s when the fight started…

Continue reading about Drunk Stranger