Mother Doesn’t Want a Dog  by Judith Viorst
Mother doesn't want a dog.
Mother says they smell,
And never sit when you say sit,
Or even when you yell.
And when you come home late at night
And there is ice and snow,
You have to go back out because
The dumb dog has to go.
Mother doesn't want a dog.
Mother says they shed,
And always let the strangers in
And bark at friends instead,
And do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor,
And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.
Mother doesn't want a dog.
She's making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog, I think
She will not want this snake.
Continue reading about Mother doesn’t want a Dog for Mother’s Day -very funny poem
Maybe I’ll stop watching, baseball, hockey, and football for a few hours on Mother’s Day.
Maybe not!
Continue reading about Happy Mother’s Day from Maxine and Maxine’s Husband- Great Gift idea!
A toaster – never
Or any Household Appliances
Exercise Equipment – sends the wrong message!
Breakfast in Bed – Bad, messy idea!
Lottery Tickets – $2 ticket not too thoughtfull. Chance of winning-nill!
Email card – can’t replace the good old real card.
Bath sets – don’t you just hate how they pile up under the sink!?
Yard Tools – no way!
New BBQ – it’s the only break a woman gets when the guy cooks. Who is the gift rreally for?
Pets – can you believe it?
A list of things you will do for her. – never happens!
A Mug – how many does she need?
Toilet Bowl Brush – can you imagine?
New dust mop or vacuum cleaner – just as bad
Nothing, Â because,”You”re not my Mother .” and that’s when the fight started…
ANY ideas, please email them to me. Thanks
Continue reading about Maxine’s Worst Gifts for your Mother or Wife for Mother’s Day
** What to get my mother for Mother’s Day????
1. What is the meaning of life?
2. Is there a God?
3. Will I get laid tonight?
4. Why is there suffering and death?
5. Is there life on other planets?
6. Which are better, dogs or cats?
7. How can I lose weight and keep it off?
8. Do I really have a soul Mate?
9. When will the world end?
10. Why do men lose their hair?
Answers to follow when I get them!!!
funny emails to forward
Head of the Household
My husband, Jeff, and I incurred several problems while assembling our new computer system, so we called the help desk. The man on the phone started to talk to Jeff in computer jargon, which confused us even more.
“Sir,” my husband politely said, “please explain what I should do as if I were a four-year-old.”
“Okay,” the computer technician replied. “Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?”
Your Biggest Fan
While waiting in a bookstore for a guest author to sign her latest book, I leafed through some of the Civil War novels she had written. The woman in line behind me commented, “Those are the best books I’ve ever read. I couldn’t put them down.”
Before I could reply, the author looked over and said, “Oh, cut it out, Mom!”
Wonder Chef
To help a busy mother get away for a two-week vacation (Mother’s Day Gift), my sister agreed to stay with the woman’s three children. On the first evening, she cooked one of their favorite meals. To the youngsters’ delight, dinner after dinner, she “guessed” what they liked. When my sister returned home, we asked her what the secret of her success was. “Each afternoon I would flip through the cookbook until I found a page that was ripped, smudged and food-splattered,” she explained. “Then I would make that recipe. It worked every time!”
Funny Jokes for Mother’s Day
After putting her children to bed, Jacqui changes into her old jeans and a worn out blouse and proceeds to wash her hair. As she hears the children getting more and more noisy in their bedroom, her tolerance grows thin. At last Jacqui wraps a towel around her wet head and storms into their room, putting them back to bed and giving them severe warnings. While leaving the room, she overhears her three-year-old say in a shaky voice, ‘Who was “that”?’
Good Bye Mother
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
“Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who I haven’t seen in a long time.”
“That’s a shame,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes,” she said, “as I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother!’ It would make me feel so much better.”
“Sure,” answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Good bye, Mother!” As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. “How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!”
“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.
Continue reading about Jokes and cute stories for Moms and About Moms for Mother’s Day
Mother’s Dictionary of Meanings
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-Minute Warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar-grunting noises.
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Continue reading about Funny Mother’s Dictionary of Meanings for Mother’s Day
