A Senior Citizen

– I’m the life of the party… even when it lasts ’till 8pm.

– I’m very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

– I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I’m going.

– I’m good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid…

– I’m the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

– I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

– I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you’re saying.

– I’m very good at telling stories…over and over and over and over.

– I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

– I’m so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

– I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, children, politicians…

– I’m positive I did housework correctly before the Internet.

– I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

– I’m wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

– I’m having trouble remembering simple words like… uh…

– I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.

– I’m walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.

– I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.

– I’m in the *initial* state of my golden years: SS, CD’s, IRA’s, AARP.

– I’m wondering, if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

– I’m anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.

– I’m a walking storeroom of facts… I’ve just lost the key to the storeroom.

– I’m a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life… Aren’t I?