Olympic Games History
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2500 years ago a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa’-me) was attending the first athletic festival in Greece. This festival had no name.
  In those days the athletes performed naked and to prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on a drink containing saltpeter.
Olympic Games History
 At the opening ceremonial parade of this first great event, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked athletic males marching toward her and she exclaimed: “Oh! Limp pricks!”.
 Over the next two and a half millennia that expression morphed into “Olympics”.
 Now you know….
Olympic History Humor
 Don’t bother to thank me, I enjoy discussing history.
Morals
Are you as moral as you think you are?
This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one.
By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest.
THE SITUATION:
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific.
There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.
This is a flood of biblical proportions.
You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless.
You’re trying to shoot career-making photos.
There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.
.
THE TEST:
Suddenly you see a man in the water.
He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.
You move closer.
Somehow the man looks familiar.
You suddenly realize who it is.
It’s Donald Trump!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.
YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS:
You can save the life of Donald Trump or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world’s most powerful Republican men hell bent on the destruction of America.
THE QUESTION:
Here’s the question, and please give an honest answer.
“Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?”
Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word murgatroyd?
  Lost Words from our childhood: Words gone as fast as the buggy whip! Sad really! The other day a not so elderly (65) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy and he looked at her quizzically and said what the heck is a Jalopy? OMG (new) phrase! He never heard of the word jalopy!! She knew she was old but not that old… Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle…
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About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included “Don’t touch that dial,” “Carbon copy,” “You sound like a broken record” and “Hung out to dry.
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Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We’d put on our best bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right. Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers! Jumping Jehoshaphat!   Holy moley! We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn’t accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China !
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Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when’s the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers. Oh, my aching back. Kilroy was here, but he isn’t anymore.
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We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!, or, This is a fine kettle of fish!, We discover that the words we grew up with,- the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards. Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we’ve left behind. We blink, and they’re gone.
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Where have all those phrases gone? Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It’s your nickel. Don’t forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I’ll see you in the funny papers. Don’t take any wooden nickels’ Heavens to Murgatroyd! It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills. This can be disturbing stuff!
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We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeful times. For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age. We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory. It’s one of the greatest advantages of aging. See ya later, alligator!
RAMBLINGS OF A RETIRED MINDÂYou know you are old when…
I found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young sales lady walks over and asks, “What brings you in today?”  Â
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I looked at her, and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.â€Â She didn’t quite know how to respond.Â
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Am I getting to be that age?ÂYou know you are old when…
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I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can’t afford one. So I’m wearing my garage door opener instead.Â
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I was thinking about old age and decided old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too damn tired to bounce it.Â
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I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it “Pumping Rust.”
 You know you are old when…When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?†Just once I want to reply, “No, it’s just for company!â€Â
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Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency.  I think you should write, “An ambulance.”Â
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Birds of a feather flock together and then potty on your car.Â
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The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have  gotten to be really close friends.Â
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy its replacement.Â
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Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL?Â
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The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’sreally in trouble..Â
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Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘ The’  and ‘ IRS ‘ together it spells  ‘Theirs…’?
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Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.Â
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Some people try to turn back their “odometers.” Not me. I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.Â
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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Mother Doesn’t Want a Dog  by Judith Viorst
Mother doesn't want a dog. Mother says they smell, And never sit when you say sit, Or even when you yell. And when you come home late at night And there is ice and snow, You have to go back out because The dumb dog has to go. Mother doesn't want a dog. Mother says they shed, And always let the strangers in And bark at friends instead, And do disgraceful things on rugs, And track mud on the floor, And flop upon your bed at night And snore their doggy snore. Mother doesn't want a dog. She's making a mistake. Because, more than a dog, I think She will not want this snake.
One day, long, long ago there was this man who, surprisingly, was not full of BS…
But this was a long, long time ago…
And it was just one day.
The End
funny emails to forward, maxine jokes
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room—the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It’s a breeze.”
The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?” The first kid says, “A circumcision.”
“Whoa!” the second kid replies. “Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a year.”
