Damn Vuvuzelas!!!!

**

BRING BACK THE RATTLE!

Comedian Jason Manford , “I’d ban the bands, drums, horns, bagpipes, brass instruments, bells, whistles, foghorns, comb and paper, sitars, didgeridoos… “

However England’s famed supporters’ band told South Africa’s horn-honking crowds:

“Anything vu can do, we can vu better.”

2010 South Africa World Cup Theme Song:

Killing me softly with their vuvuzelas

Songs about Vuvzelas:

1	Noise Noise Noise	The Damned	Mark 68
2	Bring The Noise	Public Enemy, Anthrax & Ice T	jasonaparkes
3	Queens Of Noise	The Runaways	ShivSideCar
4	Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Noise?	Age Of Chance	ireallylovemusic
5	Boom Boom	Hooker, John Lee	webcorewebcore
6	Boom Bang-a-Bang	Lulu	tincanman
7	Beautiful Noise	Diamond, Neil	Dee Sawdeley
8	Eardrum Buzz	Wire	ShivSideCar
9	Lazy Sunday Afternoon	Small Faces	gordonimmel
10	Turn That Noise Down	Chas ‘n’ Dave	Jegard

My Favourite South African Vuvuzela Song:

Silence is Golden

Commentators have compared the noise to stampeding elephants, a swarm of locusts, a goat on the way to slaughter and “a giant hive of very angry bees”.

The 144 decibel din can equal a jet taking off and has been criticised by stars including Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo, Argentina’s Lionel Messi and French captain Patrice Evra.

The Germans have been among the biggest complainers, despite beating Australia 4-0 on Sunday.

Defender Arne Friedrich said the noise was “bloody loud”. Politicians claimed it could mask emergency announcements.

Pro-ban websites have been set up across Europe. And celebrities have joined the call.

TV presenter Jonathan Ross said: “It’s a horrid noise. Someone please make it stop. Bring back the rattle.”

I didn’t know South Africa had weapons of mass destruction.

It’s taking all the attention away from the World Cup matches. The only thing rivalling the vuvuzela is Robert Green’s howler against the USA.

If Vuvuzelas are banned, security’s most common question will be, “Is that a Vuvuzela in your pants?”

I have nothing against South Africans, it’s just that there are so many of them and  do they really have to be so aggressive

with all the singing and smiling and hand-shaking?”

” I have no problem with Africans “if they only tried to be more European”.

“We’re not asking for a lot,”  “Just perhaps a little

hair relaxant, some cigarettes, and an overwhelming sense of the

futility of hope.”

Meanwhile, a delegation of South Africans has asked visiting Spaniards

to stop lisping.

“For goodness sake, English is our sixth language and we can still say

‘s’, ” “It’s not Nelthon Mandela, okay? It’s Nelson.

Nelssssson.”

“think long and hard” before asking

locals for directions to Thanton Thquare and the thocker thtadium at

Thocker Thity.

“Spanish is just such a freaking ugly language,”  “It’s all

just ‘eth eth eth eth’. FIFA should do something about it.”

Football and the World Cup is on. I have tried to watch a few games, but the spectators’ blowing of vuvuzelas (those damn plastic trumpets) has made them unwatchable.

It feels like these Vuvuzela things are invading the world

Undoubtedly, there is something loveable about the vuvuzela, i own one, although i cant blow it..:-(. However, I have a little beef with the vuvuzela especially when it comes to the conflict it creates.

I hate hearing it from morning to the following morning. It is just not fair, its inconsiderate for people to go on and on with it as they do. I hate that when you complain about it you are accused of not being patriotic. I feel that some people are using it to deliberately annoy people and disturb peace using the soccer celebration as an excuse.Its comparable to young boys who join strikes whose causes they do not really understand, just so that they can bunk school and cause chaos.

Can’t these idiots expend some energy in a more orthodox manner? I don’t know, maybe by clapping, cheering, chanting…… or streaking.

By William Langley

Published: 10:45AM BST 13 Jun 2010

Ah, the glorious sounds of an English sporting summer; the whack of willow on leather, the thundering hooves of thoroughbreds, the screams of abuse as I opened up with a vuvuzela at Queens Club.

Be very afraid. The fearsome soundtrack to the World Cup is on its way to a sports event near you. Trees will be stripped of their leaves.

Grandstands will creak and shudder. Supposedly invented to scare baboons away from remote African villages, the mass-produced vuvuzela makes the kind of noise you’d expect to hear if you had a hippo in a headlock.

Practised players can generate an awesome 127-decibels, a level humans rarely encounter outside war zones or Twisted Sister concerts.

All this from a simple plastic trumpet? The secret, apparently, is hitting the raucous “BAAARRRP” note – an operation that requires careful concentration and stupendous amounts of puff.

“Loud and proud,” boast the massed South African football fans who – to the dismay of the game’s stiffer elements – intend to fill every stadium with a racket that makes “Ing-er-lund” sound like Ave Maria.

But how would the ‘vuvu’ play, so to speak, at other sports events? I set off on a trip around some quintessentially English venues to find out.

“They’ll never let you take that in, old boy,” a chap in a Panama hat told me as we stood in the queue outside Queen’s Club, West London, where some of the world’s best tennis players were engaged in the annual pre-Wimbledon grass court tournament. Ahead was an ominous sign which said: ‘Bag Search’.

This required some fast thinking. You can’t conceal a three-foot trumpet in your trouser leg without the risk of someone saying: “Is that a vuvuzela in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?”

What else could I do? Maybe claim it was a hearing aid, or that I was an entrant for the Queen’s Club ‘Yard of Pimm’s’ competition.

In fact, all I got was nods and smiles, and helpful directions to my £80 seat. Great. I couldn’t wait to see the effect on top seed Rafa Nadal’s 130mph serve as I let loose with what the prominent South African sportswriter Jon Qwelane calls: “an instrument of hell”.

First though, I thought I’d have a little warm up outside the refreshment tent. And that was when the problems started.

The prevailing sound in this reassuringly recession-proof corner of the world was the civilised slurping of champagne and strawberries, and the low burble of cultivated conversation.

One blast on the vuvu changed all that. Flags that had been merely fluttering in the breeze stood straight out. The prawns in the cocktails got up and started dancing. Then the shouts began. “Put it away!” “Ghastly!” “Learn how to play.”

“At point blank range, a blast to the ear with the Vuvzela causes the red blood cells in your brain to ignite”.

However, a solution is in sight – a set of Vuvuzela-shaped earplugs for Zela-haters. “A prototype, high-quality vuvuzela-shaped earplug, which comes in various colours, is in the final stage of completion,”

On Twitter:

Less than two honking hours before kick off. Stretch it out and let’s get warmed up….==========<() Hhhhoooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnlkkkkkk

Is it just me, or is this the equivalent of giving a fully-loaded nail gun to a lobotomised chimp? May God have mercy on us all…

And I’m not sure what ‘igniting’ red blood cells in your brain means but it sounds not entirely dissimilar to a seizure.

Oh, South Africa. First apartheid and now this?

BLASTER OF CEREMONIES … Japanese fan enjoys the atmosphere

Giant Vuvuzela erected on unfinished highway in Green Point.

It’s going to make a noise every time a goal is scored.

Very, very lucky local residents.

From Wikipedia

The vuvuzela (English pronunciation: /vuːvuːˈzeɪlÉ™/) , sometimes called a “lepatata” (its Tswana name) or a stadium horn, is a blowing horn up to approximately 1 m (3 ft 3 in) in length. It is commonly blown by fans at football matches in South Africa.^[1] The instrument is played using a simple brass instrument technique of blowing through compressed lips to create a buzz, and emits (from the standard shorter horn of about 60–65 cm) a loud monotone (Bâ™­3). A similar instrument (known as corneta in Brazil and other Latin American countries) is used by football fans in South America.^[2] Very similar plastic horns have also been a tradition at the Quebec Winter Carnival for many years.^[3]

Vuvuzelas have been controversial.^[4] They have been associated with permanent noise-induced hearing loss,^[5] cited as a possible safety risk when spectators cannot hear evacuationannouncements,^[6] and potentially spread colds and flu viruses on a greater scale than coughing or shouting.^[7][8] Vuvuzelas have also been blamed for drowning the sound and atmosphere of football games.^[9][10] Commentators have described the sound as “annoying” and “satanic”^[11] and compared it with “a stampede of noisy elephants“,^[12] “a deafening swarm of locusts”,^[13] “a goat on the way to slaughter”,^[14] and “a giant hive full of very angry bees”.^[15]

The sound level of the instrument has been measured at 127 decibels^[16][5] contributing to football matches with dangerously high sound pressure levels for unprotected ears.^[17] A new model, however, announced on 14 June 2010, has a modified mouthpiece which is claimed to reduce the volume by 20 dB.^[16]

^{FUNNY EMAILS TO FORWARD}

Continue reading about Vuvuzela Jokes and Funny Quotes Origin, Meaning and Funny Pictures