‘Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . .. . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers..’
The lanky-legged striker, whose fiancee is lads’ mag pin-up and lingerie model Abi Clancy (pictured above), topped a survey to find the best one liners and comedy football moments of all time.
The 6ft 7in beanpole responded to the question, “What would you be if you weren’t a footballer?” by saying: “A virgin”, winning him nearly a quarter of the votes in the poll.
His famous “robot dance” goal celebration – which he has promised to repeat if England win the World Cup in South Africa – also added to his appeal.
Manchester United legend George Best features at number two in the vote for his comment: “I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars – the rest I just squandered.”
Even if you aren’t a sports fan this is very interesting!
36 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly  bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 repeat 71cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting21Â currently are defendants in lawsuits,
and
84Â have been arrested for drunk driving
in the last year
Can
you guess which organization this is?
NBA Or NFL
?
Give up yet?Scroll down,
Neither,
it’s the MEMBERS OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS IN OTTAWA
The same group of Idiots that crank out
hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.
You gotta pass this one on!
Every day, Seamus O’Malley goes down to the pub and orders three pints.
After a number of weeks, Mickey Flynn, the proprietor asks why the three pints.
Seamus explains that his brothers Patrick and Donald have moved to  Australia and  Canada but before they left, they promised each other that they would have a symbolic pint together each day. So each of them, heads to their local pub each day for their three pints for the three brothers.
This goes on for months.
One day, Seamus orders two pints. Mickey is a bit concerned by says nothing. Seamus orders two pints again the next day.
With a long face and a heavy heart, Mickey brings Seamus his two pints and tells Seamus that he is sorry for his loss.
Seamus is surprised by the message and asks Mickey to explain.
“You’re only ordering two pints. I assumed one of your brothers diedâ€, explained Mickey.
“Oh no. Sorry to worry you Mickeyâ€, replies Seamus, “it’s just that the doctor told me to give up drinkingâ€.
“But you’ve still ordered two pints†says Mickey, to which Seamus explains, “My brothers haven’t stopped drinking, only meâ€
Happy  St. Paddy’s Day
A golf story:
Subject: 90 years old
Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25
years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.
“That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten
so bad that once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says,
“Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”
“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother’s a hundred and three. He
can’t help.”
“He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is
perfect.”
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his
brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the
fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?”
“Of course I did!” replies the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”
They walk down the fairway a little ways, then Arthur asks, “Where did it go?”
“I don’t remember.”
Soon, the desktop computer will be a thing of the PAST.
Things are changing so quickly!!!
The first WiMAX-capable smartphone is said to be slated for introduction next week by Sprint Nextel.
The phone will be the widely rumored HTC Supersonic, according to a report in Wednesday’s Wall Street Journal citing the ever-loquacious “people familiar with the matter.”
The introductory honors will be borne by Sprint Nextel chief executive Dan Hesse at next week’s CTIA Wirelessshow in Las Vegas, Nevada, perhaps in a presentation during the The Path to 4G all-day session on Tuesday. Hesse is also expected to pump the Supersonic during his keynote presentation on Wednesday.
As The Reg has repeatedly reported, the race to 4G between WiMAX and LTE continues to accelerate. WiMAX may have a head start – Sprint partner Clearwire is busily building out its WiMAX network, with the goal of covering 120 million potential customers by the end of this year – but LTE is rapidly gaining support from such mobile-service heavyweights as AT&T, Verizon, Orange, Sony Ericsson, Nokia, and others.
Sprint is betting heavily on Clearwire. Witness not only its $7.4bn stake in a $14.5bn Clearwire joint venture in May of 2008, but also the additional $1.18bn it pumped into the company last November.
It can be argued that the introduction of the HTC Supersonic now – it had originally been rumored to appear later this year – is an effort to entice customers hungry for high-speed mobile broadband to sign long-term contracts before the LTE tsumani swamps the market late this year and into 2011.
If so, the Supersonic appears to be a good phone upon which to bet the farm – at least if leaked deails turn out to be correct. The smartphone is reported to have a 4.3-inch 480×800 display, a 1GHz Snapdragon processor running the HTC Sense UI on top of Android 2.1, and to be equipped with such now-standard smartphone niceties as a touch interface, compass, accelerometer, Bluetooth, five-megapixel camera, and GPS.
We’ll find out more next week – that is, if those “people familiar with the matter” prove to be correct.
That was vicious. Pope gets him down like he was Muhammad Ali and Cohadarevia was Sonny Liston. It’s as dirty a play as you’ll see in college basketball.
Tiger Woods will be back for the Masters.
Mike Weir wouldn’t be surprised to see the name Woods on the leaderboard at Augusta National next month.
The Canadian lefty fully expects Tiger Woods to make a strong return to competitive golf at the Masters, not buying into the theory that the world’s top player has erred by jumping straight into a major championship.
“He’s proven a lot of people wrong (in the past) and taken time off and been able to come back and be sharp,” Weir said in an interview Wednesday. “I know he’s probably working extremely hard right now on his game. He can draw on a lot of great memories there, the course obviously suits him really well, all of those things kind of play in his favour.
“I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if he’s competitive there. He’s been the most dominant player for the last 10, 15 years – I wouldn’t put it past him to be right in contention.”
Woods has won four green jackets and posted a top-10 finish 10 of the 13 times he’s competed in the Masters as a professional.
