A teacher asked Little Johnny ,
“Can people predict the future with cards?”
His response was, “My mother can.”
The teacher replied, “Really?”
Little Johnny was quick to explain,
“Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.”
The teacher once asked the class to make a sentence with the phrase pistol too.
Little Jimmy raised his hand, and after being recognized, said
“The lone Ranger tamed the wild west with his faithful Indian companion and his pistol too”.
“Very good”, says the teacher.
Little Johnny raised his hand, and after being called on said
“Down at our house we make homebrew, drink till twelve and piss till two”.
Little Johnny’s at it again…… A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, ‘Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Little Johnny quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, ” Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture ? ”
(this is my favorite)
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, ‘Dad, why are you doing that?’ His father replied, ‘Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, ‘Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..’
If this brightened your day, don’t let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends! They like Johnny too ya know!
Many of us need to really think about our health and daily routines. A little bit less food or a little more exercise every day is the key. A combination of the two every day is even better. Fad diets (or any diets) don’t work. The key is a little change to our regular routine for the rest of our short time on this planet.
Comments, please!
Be My Valentine
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.
These pictures are incredible. They certainly demonstrate the power (and beauty) of nature! I remember the day so clearly. We had high winds
where I live , but the path of the storm passed about 10 km from our house. It left a path of destruction just over a 100 yards wide.
If you have any photos similar to these, I would really appreciate it if you could post them.
Thanks John
