FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog . . Able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $!00.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
And the best one:
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $50 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.
FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to
it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
ABC is reporting that the words from Earl Woods came from a 2004 documentary, and they weren’t aimed at Tiger at all, but were spoken in terms of Earl’s philosophical differences from Kutilda Woods, Earl’s wife and Tiger’s mother.
Tiger staunchly defended the use of the ad. “I think it’s very apropos. I think that’s what my dad would say,” he said after Thursday’s round. “It’s amazing how it — how my dad can speak to me from different ways, even when he’s long gone. He’s still helping me. I think any son who has lost a father and who meant so much in their life, I think they would understand the spot.”
Nearly two-thirds of those who voted in a Yahoo! Sports poll approved of the ad.
A collection of documentation statements actually found on patient’s charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including (we are afraid) a doctor or two at several major hospitals:
-
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
-
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
-
The skin was moist and dry.
-
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
-
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
-
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
-
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
-
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
-
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
-
She is numb from her toes down.
-
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
-
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
-
While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
-
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
-
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
-
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
-
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
-
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
-
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
-
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
-
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
-
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
-
On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
-
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
-
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
-
Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
-
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
-
The patient refused autopsy.
-
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
-
Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
-
Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
-
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
-
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
-
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
-
Skin: somewhat pale but present.
-
The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
-
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
-
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
-
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
