What do you call a Frenchman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
The REFEREE! 🙂
* Today: France meet South Africa in Bloemfontein. Wednesday: England meet Slovenia in Port Elizabeth. Thursday: England meet France in the departure lounge.
* The French have a lot of tall players who all play in a similar style. It was like there were 11 big Cisses out there.
* Raymond Domenech knew there was revolt in the ranks when the team barbecue turned out to be a burning live sheep.
* If the French get their packing done quickly, they might just run into Nicolas Anelka in duty-free.
* France and England have never been so united. Now we both hate the French national team.
* There were tears on the streets of Paris as France’s players prepared to fly home. One teenage prostitute said: “I can’t stop crying with joy, it’s been ages since we saw Franck Ribery.”
* France have renamed one of Paris’ most famous landmarks. It’s now called the I-Can’t-Believe-They-Were-Ever-Champs Elysees.
* France are going home early from the World Cup again. If only there was a French term for ‘deja vu’.
* The French are remaking a popular American sitcom. It’s now called ‘Nobody Loves Raymond’.
What’s the difference between a Toothpick and the French national team? A toothpick has two point’s
The toothfairy Santa Claus A good french football player and a homless dude player were walking down the street when they come across $50 note who gets it first? The homless dude because none of the other’s exist.
What do you call a good football player in France? A Tourist
DINNER WITH THE SOCCER MOMS
A group of 40 year old soccer moms discussed where they should meet
for dinner. Finally it was agreed upon that they should meet at the
Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and
nice buns.
10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was
very good and the wine selection was good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed
where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should
meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in
peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the
ocean.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was
wheelchair Accessible and they even had an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been
there before.
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal.
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick.
A man went off to a football match one Saturday afternoon, and while he was away his wife was ‘visited by a ‘friend’ who just happened to be jogging past her house and was dressed in shorts and singlet.
The wife was happily entertaining him on the sofa when suddenly they heard her husband coming through the front door.
Quick as a flash, the visitor hid behind the large television set in the corner.
The husband came in and said…
‘It’s started to pour with rain so I thought I’d come home and watch the second half on telly.’
He switched on the television and settled down to watch the game. After about twenty minutes the wife’s visitor started to get severe cramp so, casting caution to the winds, he calmly got up from behind the set and walked out of the room.
The husband turned to his wife and said…
‘That’s funny – I didn’t see the ref send him off.’
The French manager at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa won’t stand for any nonsense. Last Saturday he caught a couple of fans climbing over the stadium wall.
He was furious. He grabbed them by the collars and said,
“Now you just get back in there and watch the game till it finishes.”
In what some say was a terrible game, England defeated Slovenia  1 – 0 to advance to the next round. I can imagine that many English Fans don’t care if it was a terrible game. All that matters is that England is not eliminated.
US Victory: Donovan was left open on the right and he cuts to the left fooling the keeper, to score the game’s only goal. Algeria eliminated!
The US win might generate some more excitement in the Unites States. I hope!!!
The US moves on in style.
The Ability to Make and Understand Puns Is the Highest Level of Language
Development
Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
“Dam!”
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your
kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my Electron.” The
Other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But
why?” they asked, as they moved off he said: “Because, I can’t
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
Spain , they name him “Juan”; the other went to a family in Egypt and is
named “Ahmal.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
The World Cup is heating up. Who are the best players so far?
Best: Â Attacking Midfield – Lionel Messi (Argentina) – no goals but so explosive, exciting to watch and creates opportunities for teammates.
Centre Back – Ryan Nelsen (New Zealand)
Centre Back – Antolin Alcaraz (Paraguay)
Defensive Midfield – Rafael Marquez (Mexico)
Central Midfield – Michael Bradley (USA)
Left Forward – Diego Forlan (Uruguay)
Centre Forward – Gonzalo Higuain (Argentina)
Goalkeeper – Mark Paston (New Zealand)
Right Back – Maicon (Brazil)
Left Back – Fabio Coentrao (Portugal)
Right Forward – Valter Birsa (Slovenia)
To qualify as winners:
England must beat Slovenia and hope that the USA doesn’t win by a bigger margin against Algeria. If they finish with the same points and same goal difference as the USA they must have scored more goals than the Americans. If they are still tied it will go to a lottery as the head-to-head result was a draw.
To qualify as runners -up:
A draw with Slovenia will only be good enough for England to qualify in second place if the USA also has a draw in their last game against Algeria and England scores three more goals than the Americans i.e. if the USA draw 0-0 England would have to draw 3-3. (If England draw 2-2 it would go to the lottery.)
England wil be out if:
They lose to Slovenia, or they draw and Algeria beat the USA or vice versa.
Bottom line:
England needs to win!
Can be a great day back home in England or a very depressing day depending on the outcome. Should be one of the best matches of the World Cup to date!
- Slovenia lead a group containing England, the USA and Algeria. A draw against England is all they need to go through. Even defeat would be enough if Algeria and the USA draw.
-
Team MP W D L GF GA PtsSlovenia 2 1 1 0 3 2 4USA 2 0 2 0 3 3 2England 2 0 2 0 1 1 2Algeria 2 0 1 1 0 1 1DetailsNewsAnalysisMatches
Team MP W D L GF GA Pts 
Slovenia2 1 1 0 3 2 4 
USA2 0 2 0 3 3 2 
England2 0 2 0 1 1 2 
Algeria2 0 1 1 0 1 1 16:0016:0023/06 PREVIEW 16:0016:0023/06 PREVIEW 20:3020:3023/06 PREVIEW 20:3020:30
FINA has just handed the Italian football team an official invitation to complete in the World Aquatic Championships in Shanghai in 2011. They are assured success in the diving.
After a great deal of debate (and thought) there is only one possible reason why the US and England did not make it to the final 8 in the 2010 World Cup.
Blame it on the Fans. These are typical American and British Fans!
and these are typical fans of the remaining eight teams in the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.
Obvious, right? Now we can all settle down and put the debate to rest!
