Semi-finals:
Uruguay vs. Netherlands 6 Jul 3:30pm (AT)
Germany vs. Spain 7 Jul 3:30pm (AT)
Match for third place:
TBD vs. TBD 10 Jul 3:30pm (AT)
Final:
TBD vs. TBD 11 Jul 3:30pm (AT)

John on July 4th, 2010

I thought the small town Czech tennis player, Tomas Berdych, would win the 2010 Wimbledon Championship. He sure looks like he has a great future!

Tomáš Berdych
Tomáš Berdych - 2009 US Open.jpg
Nickname(s) Berda, Pertikos[citation needed]
Country Czech Republic
Residence Monte Carlo, Monaco
Date of birth September 17, 1985 (age 24)
Place of birth Valašské Meziříčí,Czechoslovakia
Height 1.96 m (6 ft 5 in)
Weight 91 kg (200 lb)
Turned pro 2002
Plays Right-handed; two-handed backhand
Career prize money $5,248,981
Singles
Career record 239–138
Career titles 5
Highest ranking No. 8 or 7 (July 5, 2010)
Current ranking No. 13 (June 21, 2010)
Grand Slam results
Australian Open 4R (2007, 2008, 2009)
French Open SF (2010)
Wimbledon F (2010)
US Open 4R (2004, 2006, 2007)
Doubles
Career record 60–79
Career titles 1
Highest ranking No. 54 (April 10, 2006)

Maxine is a comic character featured on Hallmark greeting cards and other products. She first appeared on greeting cards when Hallmark launched the Shoebox line of cards in 1986. Hallmark artist John Wagner created the character. She is known for her cantankerous and cynical attitude.

Maxine currently has two books published by Hallmark: It’s Not Menopause … I’m Just Like This and her newest book, And Another Thing: Maxine on Life, Love, and Losers, which was released fall 2007. Maxine.com offers more than 20 free e-cards featuring Maxine and her dog, Floyd. Maxine will celebrate her 25th anniversary in 2011.

John Wagner, Hallmark artist since 1970, says Maxine was inspired by his mother, his maiden aunts and his grandmother, the woman who bought him art lessons when ‘fill in the pumpkins’ was about the extent of his art classes at St. John’s Catholic School in Leonia N.J.

She also makes you think – and makes you want to say, ‘So what?’ to what the world thinks.

Maxine’s cartoons would be some of the most eagerly awaited ones in over one hundred newspapers. Online, you can find her daily dose of crabbiness here.

Her husband, Marvin, has also become very popular and a great target for Maxine.

Maxine -revenge

Maxine’s Maxims76
rate or flag this page
By Shalini Kagal
An International Women’s Day tribute to Maxine – may her caustic humour keep us in splits for years!
Who wouldhave thought that a grey-haired, cantankerous old woman would have everyone insplits with her acerbic wit? And even stranger – who would have thought thatshe could have been created by a man? This sourpuss of a woman who iscrabbiness personified looks straight at you from the cartoon she’s in andgives you the laughs you need for the day. It doesn’t stop there however. Shealso makes you think – and makes you want to say, ‘So what?’ to what the worldthinks.
She was‘born’ in 1986 and her creator John Wagner, an artist working with Hallmarkcreated her for a smaller greeting card line in Hallmark called ShoeboxGreetings. She was a character inspired by his mother, his grandmother and hismaiden aunts. The staff at Hallmark was concerned – would the world accept her?Would the older audience out there take it amiss? They really had no cause toworry – everyone just welcomed her and she became an icon for the older woman.In fact, she made it fashionable to be crabby! No topic is too sacrosanct forMaxine to sneer at – no one is above the line of her direct hitting barbs ofsarcasm. And the nastier she is, the more you love her!
Fromgreeting cards to comic books to all kinds of licensed merchandise – you’llfind Maxine’s scowl peering at you and you can’t help but smile. For JohnWagner, if he could put a smile on the face of an older woman who was lonelyand felt out of sorts with the rest of the world, he was happy. What no oneexpected was that Maxine would grow to become a cult and that her cartoon stripwould be one of the most eagerly awaited ones in over one hundred newspapers. Online,you can find her daily dose of crabbiness here. Who better than Maxine tohonour this International Women’s Day?

Marvin - Maxine's Husband  England jokes

The wisdom of Maxine:

As I’ve Matured…

I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I’ve learned that I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I’ve learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

Life isn’t like a box of chocolates, it’s more like a jar of jalapenos — you never know what’s going to burn your ass.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing them again.

I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Everyone is someone else’s weirdo.

Never argue with an idiot.. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Be careful . . .a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

The more Shit you put up with, the more Shit you are going to get.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it!

Training means learning the rules. Experience means learning the exceptions

metaphors

* She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

* McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

* The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

* The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

* Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

* The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

* Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on “All-you-can-Drink” night.

* He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

* Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

* She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

* The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lightpost.

* It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

* He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a refusetruck reversing.

* She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Texas beef.

* It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming… ‘Wow! What a ride!’

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says… “Oh shit…she’s awake!!”

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Life is sexually transmitted.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Maxine on….

“Driver Safety” – “I can’t use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.”

“Lawn Care” – “The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless.”

“the Perfect Man” – “All I’m looking for is a guy who’ll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed.”

“the Technology Revolution” – “My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice.”

“Aging” – “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita.”

FUNNY EMAILS TO FORWARD AND JOKES

John on July 4th, 2010

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine…
And those who don’t and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand.



As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.



In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 liter of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) – bacteria
Found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop…



However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health .

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of shit.


Maxine advice

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:

I’m doing it as  a public service

Agony for Brazil-Ecstasy for HollandDutch Fans 2010

John on July 3rd, 2010
If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you’ll begin to think you’re a genius.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in Texas .
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
–Al Gore, Vice President
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix “
— Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Feeling smarter yet?
Send it on to
Your brilliant friends.
I just did !!

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this

up and read it again; you’ll begin to think

you’re a genius.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius 1(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected

as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,

because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,

but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”

–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius 2

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over

the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that,

but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

–Mariah Carey

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius 3

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part

of your life,”

— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson

for federal anti-smoking campaign

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius 4

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”

–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius -5

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime

rates in the country,”

–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .


genius -fail 6

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a

jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”

–A congressional candidate in Texas .

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius-fail-7

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”

–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius -fail-8

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities

in our air and water that are doing it..”

–Al Gore, Vice President

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius-fail-9

“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix “

— Dan Quayle

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

geius-fail-9

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air

do we need?”

–Lee Iacocca

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius-fail-11

“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a

guy like Norman Einstein.”

–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius- fail 12

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain

types of people.”

— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius-fail-14-b
image013

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because

we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.

You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”

–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”

–Keppel Enderbery

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

genius-fail-15

“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night

as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout

the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead,

there’ll be a record.”

–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Feeling smarter yet?

Send it on to
Your brilliant friends.

I just did !!

genius-fail-16

One more: dumb Tiger Woods.

Woods AccidentTIGER WOODS-GENIUS-FAIL


Disaster for Maradona and Argentina.

Germany now 2010 World Cup Favourites.

Messi who???

John on July 3rd, 2010

“To think that Suarez, when he committed the handball, knew what was going to happen afterward would be something superhuman,” the coach said. “The hand of Suarez is the hand of God and the Virgin Mary—that’s how Uruguayans see it.”

FIFA will study reports from the Uruguay-Ghana World Cup quarterfinal before deciding how long to suspend Suarez for his handball that denied the Africans victory.

Maradona -coach

“I’ll tell them to do everything,” said the former World Cup winner.

“They have to leave their lives on the pitch.

“Behind them is a whole country who haven’t enjoyed a victory for a long time.

“They are so excited at the moment. Argentina depend on this team to be able to get up in the morning with a smile on their faces.”

Can Gonzalo Higuain, Carlos Tevez,  Diego Milito and the brightest star of all, Lionel Messi, (who has shrugged off a virus to play) defeat the very strong German team?

Should be a GREAT Match!