England Out of Africa
Q:How is the American soccer team like a referee’s wife?
A:They both got screwed! (USA vs. Slovenia game)
Q:Why did the soccer game get hot?
A:Because the referees turned off the fans!
Soccer is like politics. There’s a left wing, a right wing, a center, and they are all beating the hell out of each other!
Steven Gerard said that “The whole team is behind Robert Green.(the English goalkeeper who scored a goal in his own net)” His problem was that too many balls were getting behind him as well!
Robert Green is a man who makes his goals. Unfortunately for him, some are for the other team!
The English needed an experienced goalkeeper. Instead, they got one who was Green.
Robert Green was told to keep his eyes on the ball. Too bad he couldn’t keep his hands on it as well!
Q: How does Pele screw in a light bulb?
A:He sticks the bulb in the socket and the whole world turns around him.
David Beckham goes into a fast food place and says, “Give me three whoppers.”
The cashier replies, “You’re worth every penny you’re paid, you can score like nobody else, and you’re the greatest player ever.”
Why are some players called “strikers?” Well, if you’ve ever been kicked in the shins by one, you’d know why!
Although the game is called soccer, there are so many fights in the stands that maybe it should be called Sockem!
Don’t blame Maradona for his problems. He thought the drug policy for soccer was “Just Say Yes!”
A legally blind guy wanted to join a soccer team. After much discussion about the matter, they told him, “OK, you can be the ref!”
One player was a really good dribbler, but only when he drank!
At the World Cup, they use a four letter F word a lot and it’s not FIFA!
Source:
http://davidnsowards.blogspot.com/2010_06_01_archive.html
Comments made in the year 1955!
That’s only 55 years ago!
‘I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $10.00.
‘Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.
‘If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit. 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.
‘Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter.
‘If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.
‘When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.
‘I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.
‘I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it in Texas .
‘Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President.
‘I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now..
‘It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.
‘It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.
‘I’m afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.
‘Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.
‘The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.
‘There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.
‘No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $15.00 a day in the hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.’
‘If they think I’ll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it.’
Know any friends who would get a kick out of these, pass this on! Be sure and send it to your kids & grand kids too!
Elin Nordegren will be a very wealthy lady!
Maybe not as a wealthy as the world first thought.
Many thought the very sexy Swedish model and wife of Tiger Woods would get up to a $750m divorce settlement from her cheating husband Tiger Woods, it is now believed Elin will end up with around $100 million.
Dumb Tiger Woods!
If you are a cat lover or know someone that is, you will be interested in a company that specializes in Cat Trees. The Cat Tree, also known as a Cat Tower, Cat Condo, and cat gym are designed to help cats stay healthy and indulge in their natural instinct for scratching. The Cat Towers come in a variety of styles and sizes and would make a great gift for your cat. The company also provides free shipping in the United States.
Note: The preceding was a paid review.
What can I say, “A man’s home is his castle!”
“Maybe not!”
Spain has a quarter-final date with Paraguay by beating Portugal 1-0 in Cape Town. A 63rd-minute David Villa goal proving the difference between the two sides.
David Villa, Â maybe the best player in the world???
In 2010 he moved to Barcelona for €40 million. Worth it now!
David Villa’s odds to be World Cup 2010 Top Goalscorer are listed at 3.0 while Gonzalo Higuain is priced at 3.5. Brazil’s Luis Fabiano is priced at 5.5 and then the odds take a big jump to 12.0 for Uruguay’s Luis Suarez. Germany’s Thomas Muller can be backed at 17.0 while Asamoah Gyan and Carlos Tevez can be backed at 21.0.
Germany’s Miroslav Klose and Uruguay’s Diego Forlan share a 23.0 price. Lionel Messi and Lukas Podolski are both at 34.0 and Robin Van Persie is sitting at 41.0. You’re looking at 81.0 for Fernando Torres or Robinho while Arjen Robbem, Dirk Kuyt, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, Wesley Sneijder and Mesut Ozil are all priced at 101.0. Cacau trades at 151.0.
Higuain and Villa have scored four goals apiece while Robert Vittek of Slovakia also notched four goals. If both Higuain and Villa go scoreless in the next potential three games then a bet on Vittek would make sense I guess (he is listed at 21.0).
I asked my wife, “Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? When a woman wears a leather dress,
a man’s heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and
he begins to think irrationally.”
My wife asked, “Why?”
I said,”It’s because she smells like a new golf bag.”
and that’s when the fight started…
Carrots, Eggs & Coffee
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee… You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’
‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked,‘What does it mean, mother?’
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak, just like ENGLAND at the World Cup. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened and bitter, just like France and Italy at the World Cup. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water just like the remaining teams at the 2010 WORLD CUP.
‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
Think of this: which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you; to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.
May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!!
Carrots, Eggs & Coffee
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee… You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’
‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked,‘What does it mean, mother?’
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
Think of this: which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you; to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.
May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!!