John on July 1st, 2016

Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word murgatroyd?

Snagglepus,Heavens to Murgatroyd  Lost Words from our childhood: Words gone as fast as the buggy whip! Sad really! The other day a not so elderly (65) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy and he looked at her quizzically and said what the heck is a Jalopy? OMG (new) phrase!  He never heard of the word jalopy!! She knew she was old but not that old… Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle…

 

About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included “Don’t touch that dial,” “Carbon copy,” “You sound like a broken record” and “Hung out to dry.

 

Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We’d put on our best bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right.  Heavens to Betsy!  Gee whillikers!  Jumping Jehoshaphat!   Holy moley!  We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn’t accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China !

 

Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when’s the last time anything was swell?  Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers. Oh, my aching back.  Kilroy was here, but he isn’t anymore.

 

We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!, or, This is a fine kettle of fish!, We discover that the words we grew up with,- the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards. Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we’ve left behind. We blink, and they’re gone.

 

Where have all those phrases gone?  Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It’s your nickel. Don’t forget to pull the chain.  Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks!  Going like sixty.  I’ll see you in the funny papers.  Don’t take any wooden nickels’ Heavens to Murgatroyd!  It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills. This can be disturbing stuff!

 

We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeful times.  For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age. We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory.  It’s one of the greatest advantages of aging.  See ya later, alligator!

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John on June 8th, 2016

The beach goof for you

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John on June 7th, 2016

D-Day Poster

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John on June 7th, 2016

smoke a joint funny

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John on May 16th, 2016
Dr. Seuss Trump Book by Jimmy Kimmel …
This may have more impact than all the
MSM negative propaganda!
Dr. Seuss Trump Book
 
Priceless!
 
This is hilarious no matter where you stand in our presidential political maze of crazy.
 
Trump’s children’s book (two minutes)
 

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John on May 15th, 2016

The Future Is Here NOW!

The Future 

 

In 1998, Kodak had 170,000 employees and sold 85% of all photo paper worldwide.  Within just a few years, their business model disappeared and they went bankrupt.

What happened to Kodak will happen in a lot of industries in the next 10 year – and most people don’t see it coming. Did you think in 1998 that 3 years later you would never take pictures on paper film again?

 

Yet digital cameras were invented in 1975. The first ones only had 10,000 pixels but followed Moore’s law. So as with all exponential technologies, it was a disappointment for a long time, before it became way superior and got mainstream in only a few short years. It will now happen with Artificial Intelligence, health, autonomous and electric cars, education, 3D printing, agriculture, and jobs. Welcome to the 4th Industrial Revolution. Welcome to the Exponential Age.

 

Software will disrupt most traditional industries in the next 5-10 years.

Uber is just a software tool, they don’t own any cars, and are now the biggest taxi company in the world. Airbnb is now the biggest hotel company in the world, although they don’t own any properties.

 

Artificial Intelligence: Computers become exponentially better in understanding the world. This year, a computer beat the best Go player in the world, 10 years earlier than expected. In the US, young lawyers already don’t get jobs. Because of IBM Watson, you can get legal advice (so far for more or less basic stuff) within seconds, with 90% accuracy compared with 70% accuracy when done by humans. So if you study law, stop immediately. There will be 90% fewer lawyers in the future, only specialists will remain. Watson already helps nurses diagnosing cancer, 4 times more accurate than human nurses. Facebook now has a pattern recognition software that can recognize faces better than humans. In 2030, computers will become more intelligent than humans.

 

Autonomous cars: In 2018 the first self-driving cars will appear for the public. Around 2020, the complete industry will start to be disrupted. You don’t want to own a car anymore. You will call a car with your phone, it will show up at your location and drive you to your destination. You will not need to park it, you only pay for the driven distance and can be productive while driving. Our kids will never get a driver’s license and will never own a car. It will change the cities because we will need 90-95% fewer cars for that. We can transform former parking space into parks. 1.2 million people die each year in car accidents worldwide. We now have one accident every 100,000 km, with autonomous driving that will drop to one accident in 10 million km. That will save a million lives each year.

 

Most car companies might become bankrupt. Traditional car companies try the evolutionary approach and just build a better car while tech companies (Tesla, Apple, Google) will do the revolutionary approach and build a computer on wheels. I spoke to a lot of engineers from Volkswagen and Audi; they are completely terrified of Tesla.

 

Insurance companies will have massive trouble because, without accidents, the insurance will become 100x cheaper. Their car insurance business model will disappear. 

Real estate will change. Because if you can work while you commute, people will move further away to live in a more beautiful neighborhood.

Electric cars will become mainstream until 2020. Cities will be less noisy because all cars will run on electric. Electricity will become incredibly cheap and clean: Solar production has been on an exponential curve for 30 years, but you can only now see the impact. Last year, more solar energy was installed worldwide than fossil. The price for solar will drop so much that all coal companies will be out of business by 2025.

With cheap electricity comes cheap and abundant water. Desalination now only needs 2kWh per cubic meter. We don’t have scarce water in most places, we only have scarce drinking water. Imagine what will be possible if anyone can have as much clean water as he wants, for nearly no cost.

 

Health: The Tricorder X price will be announced this year. There will be companies who will build a medical device (called the “Tricorder” from Star Trek) that works with your phone, which takes your retina scan, your blood sample and you breathe into it. It then analyses 54 biomarkers that will identify nearly any disease. It will be cheap, so in a few years, everyone on this planet will have access to world-class medicine, nearly for free.

 

3D printing: The price of the cheapest 3D printer came down from $18,000 to $400 within 10 years. In the same time, it became 100 times faster. All major shoe companies started 3D printing shoes. Spare airplane parts are already 3D printed in remote airports. The space station now has a printer that eliminates the need for the large amount of spare parts they used to have in the past.

At the end of this year, new smart phones will have 3D scanning possibilities. You can then 3D scan your feet and print your perfect shoe at home. In China, they already 3D printed a complete 6-storey office building. By 2027, 10% of everything that’s being produced will be 3D printed.

 

Business opportunities: If you think of a niche you want to go in, ask yourself: “in the future, do you think we will have that?” and if the answer is yes, how can you make that happen sooner? If it doesn’t work with your phone, forget the idea. And any idea designed for success in the 20th century is doomed to failure in the 21st century.

 

Work: 70-80% of jobs will disappear in the next 20 years. There will be a lot of new jobs, but it is not clear if there will be enough new jobs in such a small time.

 

Agriculture: There will be a $100 agricultural robot in the future. Farmers in 3rd world countries can then become managers of their field instead of working all days in their fields. Aeroponics will need much less water. The first Petri dish produced veal is now available and will be cheaper than cow produced veal in 2018. Right now, 30% of all agricultural surfaces is used for cows. Imagine if we don’t need that space anymore. There are several startups who will bring insect protein to the market shortly. It contains more protein than meat. It will be labeled as “alternative protein source” (because most people still reject the idea of eating insects).

 

There is an app called “moodies” which can already tell in which mood you are. By 2020, there will be apps that can tell by your facial expressions if you are lying. Imagine a political debate where it’s being displayed when they are telling the truth and when not.

 

Bitcoin will become mainstream this year and might even become the default reserve currency.

 

Longevity: Right now, the average lifespan increases by 3 months per year. Four years ago, the life span used to be 79 years, now it’s 80 years. The increase itself is increasing and by 2036, there will be more that one year increase per year. So we all might live for a long long time, probably way more than 100.

 

Education: The cheapest smartphones are already at $10 in Africa and Asia. Until 2020, 70% of all humans will own a smartphone. That means everyone has the same access to world class education. Every child can use Khan academy for everything a child learns at school in First World countries. We have already released our software in Indonesia and will release it in Arabic, Swahili and Chinese this Summer because I see an enormous potential. We will give the English app for free so that children in Africa can become fluent in English within half a year.

 

Boom!

John on May 10th, 2016
RAMBLINGS OF A RETIRED MIND 
old age humor

You know you are old when…

I found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young sales lady walks over and asks, “What brings you in today?”   
 
I looked at her, and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.”  She didn’t quite know how to respond. 
 
Am I getting to be that age? 
You know you are old when…
 
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can’t afford one. So I’m wearing my garage door opener instead. 
 
I was thinking about old age and decided old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too damn tired to bounce it. 
 
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it “Pumping Rust.”

 You know you are old when…
When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to reply, “No, it’s just for company!” 
 
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency.   I think you should write, “An ambulance.” 
 
Birds of a feather flock together and then potty on your car. 
 
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have   gotten to be really close friends. 
 
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy its replacement. 
 
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL? 
 
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’sreally in trouble.. 
 
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘ The’   and ‘ IRS ‘ together it spells   ‘Theirs…’?
 
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. 
 
Some people try to turn back their “odometers.” Not me. I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved. 
 
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

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John on May 10th, 2016

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops?

A: Kick him in the ass

CLEAN AND FRESHEN THE DISHWASHER

We want the dishwasher to clean our dishes…SO….Clean and freshen the dishwasher itself too…. it can do a better job!! Here’s how:

1) Remove the bottom rack and look for ‘lost’ items, hard items and ‘chunks’ in the bottom and around the mechanisms.
Check the screen.
2) Put a cup of vinegar on the top shelf
Run a cycle – hot water of course
3) Sprinkle about a cup of baking soda over the bottom of the dishwasher
Run through a short cycle

That’s it! Cleaned and freshened up, your dishwasher will look better, smell better and do a better job.

**Note: If you really want to go at it with gusto, you can take the mechanism apart and clean it in the sink with vinegar before you run the first cycle.

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John on May 8th, 2016

Mother Doesn’t Want a Dog   by Judith Viorst

Happy Mother's  Day Dog_jpeg

Mother doesn't want a dog.
Mother says they smell,
And never sit when you say sit,
Or even when you yell.
And when you come home late at night
And there is ice and snow,
You have to go back out because
The dumb dog has to go.

Mother doesn't want a dog.
Mother says they shed,
And always let the strangers in
And bark at friends instead,
And do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor,
And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.

Mother doesn't want a dog.
She's making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog, I think
She will not want this snake.

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The Real Reason You Walk Into A Room And Forget What You Went In For

Old Age Wisdon and memory

If you don’t want to forget why you went in in the first place! [Photo: jaymantri.com via Pexels]

It’s one of life’s little mysteries. The very second you walk into a room, you completely forget why the heck you went in there in the first place. Two seconds ago we knew exactly what we were doing. Now? Nada, zip, diddly squat…you get the idea.

For years we’ve been wondering if it’s yet another downright annoying side effect of getting older. Wrinkles, under-eye bags and getting (even more) forgetful. But apparently science says it’s not our fault.

More at:

https://ca.style.yahoo.com/post/143574785075/the-real-reason-you-walk-into-a-room-and-forget

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