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Continue reading about Best World Cup 2010 Signs and Posters
Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line?
Little Johnny: I tried, but there was someone already there!
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Little Johnny: I get up early!
Teacher: You aren’t paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Little Johnny: No, teacher I’m having trouble listening!
Teacher: Why can’t you ever answer any of my questions?
Little Johnny: Well if I could there wouldn’t be much point in me being here!
Continue reading about Why Teachers Drink – Because of Little Johnny’s answers
you have no time for a life from August to June.
you want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!”
when out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.
you refer to adults as “boys and girls.”
you encourage your spouse by telling them they are a “good helper.”
you’ve ever had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.
meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question, “Why is this kid like this?”
you believe “extremely annoying” should have its own box on the report card.
you know hundred good reasons for being late.
you don’t want children of your own because there isn’t a name you can hear that wouldn’t elevate your blood pressure.
Continue reading about Why Teachers Drink – Because Grading is so difficult!!!
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” Little Johnny replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
Continue reading about Little Johnny Joke about Church Services
What do you call a Frenchman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
The REFEREE! 🙂
* Today: France meet South Africa in Bloemfontein. Wednesday: England meet Slovenia in Port Elizabeth. Thursday: England meet France in the departure lounge.
* The French have a lot of tall players who all play in a similar style. It was like there were 11 big Cisses out there.
* Raymond Domenech knew there was revolt in the ranks when the team barbecue turned out to be a burning live sheep.
* If the French get their packing done quickly, they might just run into Nicolas Anelka in duty-free.
* France and England have never been so united. Now we both hate the French national team.
* There were tears on the streets of Paris as France’s players prepared to fly home. One teenage prostitute said: “I can’t stop crying with joy, it’s been ages since we saw Franck Ribery.”
* France have renamed one of Paris’ most famous landmarks. It’s now called the I-Can’t-Believe-They-Were-Ever-Champs Elysees.
* France are going home early from the World Cup again. If only there was a French term for ‘deja vu’.
* The French are remaking a popular American sitcom. It’s now called ‘Nobody Loves Raymond’.
What’s the difference between a Toothpick and the French national team? A toothpick has two point’s
The toothfairy Santa Claus A good french football player and a homless dude player were walking down the street when they come across $50 note who gets it first? The homless dude because none of the other’s exist.
What do you call a good football player in France? A Tourist
Continue reading about Jokes about France’s Terrible 2010 World Cup Performance and Actions
DINNER WITH THE SOCCER MOMS
A group of 40 year old soccer moms discussed where they should meet
for dinner. Finally it was agreed upon that they should meet at the
Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and
nice buns.
10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was
very good and the wine selection was good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed
where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should
meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in
peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the
ocean.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was
wheelchair Accessible and they even had an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been
there before.
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal.
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick.
A man went off to a football match one Saturday afternoon, and while he was away his wife was ‘visited by a ‘friend’ who just happened to be jogging past her house and was dressed in shorts and singlet.
The wife was happily entertaining him on the sofa when suddenly they heard her husband coming through the front door.
Quick as a flash, the visitor hid behind the large television set in the corner.
The husband came in and said…
‘It’s started to pour with rain so I thought I’d come home and watch the second half on telly.’
He switched on the television and settled down to watch the game. After about twenty minutes the wife’s visitor started to get severe cramp so, casting caution to the winds, he calmly got up from behind the set and walked out of the room.
The husband turned to his wife and said…
‘That’s funny – I didn’t see the ref send him off.’
The French manager at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa won’t stand for any nonsense. Last Saturday he caught a couple of fans climbing over the stadium wall.
He was furious. He grabbed them by the collars and said,
“Now you just get back in there and watch the game till it finishes.”
Continue reading about Soccer / Football Jokes World Cup Jokes
One of the most popular sports in America, NASCAR WHY?
Hopefully, the US win at the World Cup will generated more support in the United Staes.
I agree, 500 laps is pretty boring!!!
Continue reading about World Cup Soccer Football Cartoon US Fan and NASCAR
The Ability to Make and Understand Puns Is the Highest Level of Language
Development
Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
“Dam!”
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your
kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my Electron.” The
Other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But
why?” they asked, as they moved off he said: “Because, I can’t
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
Spain , they name him “Juan”; the other went to a family in Egypt and is
named “Ahmal.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Continue reading about Ten Best Puns in the International Pun Contest
FINA has just handed the Italian football team an official invitation to complete in the World Aquatic Championships in Shanghai in 2011. They are assured success in the diving.
Continue reading about 2010 World Cup Soccer Jokes Italian Players Diving