One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, “Daddy, you’re the boss, aren’t you?” Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued “That’s because Mummy put you in charge, right?”
What did the father ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?
Spook when you’re spooken to!
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one!
What do you call two people who embarrass you in front of your friends?
Mum and Dad!
How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier!
My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it’s always Mum who tells him which pair to put on!
Do fathers always snore?
No – only when they are asleep!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework please Dad – I’m stuck!
Fathers then & now
Fathers of 1900 didn’t have it nearly as good as fathers of 2010; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
In 1900, a father’s horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it’s the size of his minivan.
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.
In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn’t touch Dad’s clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.
In 1900, fathers pined for old country Romania, Italy, or Russia.
Today, fathers pine for old country Hank Williams.
In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.
In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, “Wake up, it’s time for school.”
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: “Wake up, it’s time for hockey practice.”
In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy’s at baseball, Cindy’s at gymnastics, I’m at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge.”
In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons’ ears and shout, “WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE..”
In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.
Today, a father spends $800 at Toys ‘R’ Us, and the kid screams: “I wanted Sega!”
In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.
Today, it’s Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.
In 1900, a Father’s Day gift would be a hand tool.
Today, he’ll get a digital organizer.
In 1900, fathers said, “A man’s home is his castle.”
Today, they say, “Welcome to the money pit.”
In 1900, “a good day at the market” meant Father brought home feed for the horses.
Today, “a good day at the market” means Dad got in early on an IPO.
In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.
Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald’s.
In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then.
Today, a father’s involved only if he coaches Little League and organizes Boy Scouts and car pools.
In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
Today, kids glance up and grunt, “Dad, you’re invading my space.”
In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suiters with shotguns if the girl came home late.
Today, fathers break the ice by saying, “So…how long have you had that earring?”
In 1900, fathers pined for the old school, which meant a one-room, red-brick building.
Today, fathers pine for the old school, which means Dr J and Mickey Mantle.
In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.
In 2010, fathers are never truly appreciated.
Continue reading about FATHERS THEN AND NOW – For Father’s Day
Fluctuations
I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says,”Fluc you white people too”
It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says,”Fluc you white people too”
A Blonde goes to Heaven
>
> A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St
> Peter
> met her at the Pearly Gates. ‘I’m sorry,’ St Peter said; ‘But Heaven is
> suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put
> up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly
> Arrivals.’
>
> ‘That’s cool’ said the Blonde, ‘What does the Entrance Exam consist of?’
>
> ‘Just three questions’ said St Peter.
>
> ‘Which are?’ asked the Blonde.
>
> ‘The first,’ said St Peter, ‘is, which two days of the week start with
> the
> letter ‘T’ ‘? The second is ‘How many seconds are there in a year?’
> The third is ‘What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?’
>
> ‘Now,’ said St Peter, ‘Go away and think about those questions and when
> I
> call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.’
>
> So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable
> thought (I expect you to do the same).
>
> The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she
> had considered the questions, to which she replied, ‘I have.’
>
> ‘Well then,’ said St Peter, ‘Which two days of the week start with the
> letter T?’
>
> The Blonde said, ‘Today and Tomorrow.’
>
> St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the
> answer can be applied to the question.
>
> ‘Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three
> questions?’ St Peter went on, ‘how many seconds in a year?’
>
> The Blonde replied, ‘Twelve!’
>
> ‘Only twelve?’ exclaimed St Peter, ‘How did you arrive at that figure?’
>
> ‘Easy,’ said the Blonde, ‘there’s the second of January, the second of
> February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of
> twelve seconds.’
>
> St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, ‘I need some time to consider
> your
> answer before I can give you a decision.’ And he walked away shaking his
> head.
>
> A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. ‘I’ll allow the
> answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question
> absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the
> answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?’
>
> The blonde replied: ‘Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to
> answer.’
>
> ‘Really!’ exclaimed St Peter, ‘And what is the answer?’
>
> ‘It’s Andy.’
>
> ‘Andy??’
>
> ‘Yes, Andy,’ said the Blonde.
>
> This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that,
> deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any
> longer, and turning to the blonde, asked ‘How in God’s name did you
> arrive
> at THAT answer?’
>
> ‘Easy’ said the Blonde, ‘Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his
> billy
> boiled.’
>
> And the Blonde entered Heaven…
>
> … you’re singing it now, aren’t you…??
>
Antes da partida contra o Atlético-MG pela Copa do Brasil, em um momento descontraÃdo, os craques do Peixe ensaiam a coreagrafia adaptada de Single Ladies, da cantora Beyonce, para a gravação do comercial do patrocinador oficial SEARA.
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