The G8 and G20 summits being held here next month will cost Canada a record $1.1 billion – the most expensive 72 hours in the country’s history.
With these summits become a magnet for anti-globalization protesters, Canada is spending as much as $933 million to provide security for the two summits which together will last three days.
Another $160 million will be spent on logistics and stay arrangements for the world leaders. Food alone for summit leaders will cost more than $1 million.
While the G8 summits will be held June 25-26 at the resort of Huntsville which is more than 200 kilometres from Toronto, the G20 summit will be held in the city June 26-27.
A number of groups, including Amnesty International, Greenpeace, World Vision, and the Canadian Labour Congress and others, are already gearing up to throw the G20 summit out of gear.
In the biggest security operations ever mounted in Canada, security and intelligence agencies are already questioning protest leaders.
Since it lies next door to the venue of the summit in the heart of Toronto, the University of Toronto – the biggest in the country – is shutting down, rescheduling exams and getting hostels vacated during the summit.
While critics have called the summits the most expensive 72 hours in Canadian history, the government says it is not going to compromise on security for world leaders.
Justifying the huge cost, Canadian Public Safety Minister Vic Toews said Wednesday that Canada has an obligation to safeguard world leaders during their stay in the country.
With pitched battles between security forces and protesters on the cards, Toronto hospital officials also said Wednesday that they are making arrangements to deal with emergencies and high volume of injured patients.
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me. “Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.” Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked. “To get my teeth!”
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her night gown and say “Supersex.” She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, “Supersex.”
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll take the soup.”
When I was:
Four years old: My daddy can do anything.
Five years old: My daddy knows a whole lot.
Six years old: My dad is smarter than your dad.
Eight years old: My dad doesn’t know exactly everything.
Ten years old: In the olden days, when my dad grew up,
things were sure different.
Twelve years old: Oh, well, naturally, Dad doesn’t know
anything about that. He is too old to remember his
Fourteen years old: Don’t pay any attention to my dad. He is
Twenty-one years old: Him? My Lord, he’s hopelessly out of
Twenty-five years old: Dad knows about it, but then he
should, because he has been around so long.
Thirty years old: Maybe we should ask Dad what he thinks.
After all, he’s had a lot of experience.
Thirty-five years old: I’m not doing a single thing until I
talk to Dad.
Forty years old: I wonder how Dad would have handled it. He
was so wise.
Fifty years old: I’d give anything if Dad were here now so I
could talk this over with him. Too bad I didn’t appreciate
how smart he was. I could have learned a lot from him.
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas.
They hired him because he was so funny…..
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying
here in the first place ?
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style
severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m . Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO
50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you
have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner
of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job – no!
On my breaks – yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing
since sliced bread.
Actually, I’d like to be doing that now
NEAREST RELATIVE.7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
The Doctor told me, I should start an exercise program. Not Wanting
to harm this old body, I’ve devised the following:
Beat around the bush
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls
Wade through the morning paper
Drag my heels
Push my luck
Make mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head
Bend over backwards
Jump on the Band Wagon
Run around in circles
Advise the President on how to run the country
Toot my own horn
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire
Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth
Start the ball rolling
Go over the edge
Pick up the pieces.
Kneel in prayer
Bow my head in thanksgiving
Uplift my hands in praise
Hug someone and encourage them.
Whew! What a workout!
The Male Stages Of Life
48 double scotch
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancï¿½e is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
35 “She didn’t set back my therapy.”
48 “I didn’t have to meet her kids.”
66 “Got home alive.”
17 getting to third
25 airplane sex
35 menage a trois
48 taking the company public
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
25 stoned-out college roommate
35 German Shepherd
48 children from his first marriage
WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
The Female Stages Of Life
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to colour my hair
48 Need to have Francois colour my hair
66 Need to have Francois colour my wig
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 “Burger King”
25 “Free meal”
35 “A diamond”
48 “A bigger diamond”
66 “Home Alone”
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man
17 Muffy the cat
25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 German Shepherd and Muffy the Cat
48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muff the Cat
WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast
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