-trade your wife for camels!
I asked my wife how much she weighed.
She asked why?
I said I was trying to fill out a survey!
http://camels.evilsun.org/index.php
AND THAT’S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED…
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Sarah: HIJKLMNO
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said it is H to O
Teacher: Now Sam tell me frankly do you say your prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.
Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
Willy: Me
Teacher: Tommy why do you always get so dirty?
Tommy: Well, I am a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: George
Silvia: Daddy can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Silvia: Your name on this report card.
Teacher: How do you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Jose: Don’t bite any
Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “Iâ€.
Ellen: I is
Teacher: No Ellen, always say, “I amâ€
Ellen: Alright, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Teacher: Can anybody give an example of a “COINCIDENCE�
Johnny: “Sir, my mother and father got married same day same time.â€
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree but admitted doing it. Do you know why his father did not punish him?
Johnny: Because George still has the axe in his hand.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Johnny: Because of the sign
Teacher: What sign?
Johnny: School Ahead! Go Slow
FUNNY EMAILS TO FORWARD
****
“Could never figure out why they didn’t hire me?”
You might find others better looking the more you drink, but it seems the reverse is not also true.
U.S. academic researchers have found evidence of what they call the “imbibing idiot bias.”
The problem is that this bias doesn’t just come into play at 3 a.m. in your favourite bar, but also in the job interview. The study by researchers from the University of Michigan and the University of Pennsylvania found that job applicants who drink alcohol -even if they’re sober during the interview -are perceived to be less intelligent.
“Merely holding an alcoholic beverage may reduce the perceived intelligence of the person,” Scott Rick and Maurice Schweitzer wrote.
So if you meet a prospective employer, whether over lunch or at a social occasion, ditch the drink, even if the employer is holding one -and especially if the employer is not.
In the study’s mock interviews, in which the job-seeker ordered wine after the manager ordered a soft drink (the two choices offered), the job seeker was “especially punished” with low ratings for perceived intelligence, the study said.
FUNNY EMAIL TO FORWARD
I’m trying to become a fan, but I just can’t get a clear “handle” on Facebook!
Any advice would be welcome.
FUNNY EMAIL TO FORWARD
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said the man.
‘I’m going to Las Vegas’, said the wife, ‘I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
‘The man said, ‘Wait a minute!’, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
‘Where the heck are you going?’, said the wife.
The man said, ‘I want to see how you’re gonna live on $800 a year!’
and that’s when the fight started…
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb toward the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.
After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result, all the monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another one of the original monkeys and replace it with a new one. The new comer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Likewise, replace a third original with a new one, then a fourth then a fifth.
Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they are not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know:
“THAT’S THE WAY IT’S ALWAYS BEEN DONE AROUND HERE”
And that, my friends, is how company policy begins…
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in Race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third.
The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines,
“Preacher’s Ass shows”
The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won!
The papers said,
“Preacher’s Ass out in Front”
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.
The newspaper printed this headline,
“Bishop Scratches Preacher’s Ass”
This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal. The Preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The headlines the next day read,
“Nun has the Best Ass in Town”
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00.
The paper states,
“Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks”
They buried the Bishop the next day.
How many camels is my wife worth?
-trade your wife for camels!
I asked my wife how much she weighed.
She asked why?
I said I was trying to fill out a survey!
http://camels.evilsun.org/index.php
AND THAT’S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED…
How many camels is my wife worth?
Three Little Pigs
A hilarious twist on the children’s nursery rhyme!
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy.
“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
“I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.
“I want a cheesecake,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.
“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy,”
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?”
The third piggy says –
“Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
Three Little Pigs
A hilarious twist on the children’s nursery rhyme!
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy.
“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
“I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.
“I want a cheesecake,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.
“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy,”
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?”
The third piggy says –
“Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
God cannot reach everywhere…So he created Mothers on the Earth!!!
A simple, yet very expressive snap!
MOTHER IS GOD’S Best GIFT .
.
.
If God is great, (Amma, Aai, Amme, Maa, Mom, Mummy…………….is also great!)
THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD BETTER THAN MOTHER’S LOVE…….
Baby Monkey hit by bike at Jaipur { India }
but monkey mother…… . we already know the Mother history.
Maa Tujhe Salaam
God cannot reach everywhere…So he created Mothers on the Earth!!! . .  THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD BETTER THAN MOTHER’S LOVE…….
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