What happens when you cross a singer and a rocking chair? — you rock to the beat.
How do you mend a broken jack o’ lantern? — with a pumpkin patch.
what do you call a lease of false teeth? — a dental rental
Where did the kittens go on the class trip — to the meow-seum.
What goes tick-tock, woof-woof? — a watchdog
What did the art dealer say when a man asked what a picture was supposed to be? — a reflection of you.
what did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date? — shore
What falls down but never gets hurt? — snow
What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee’s hair? — a honey comb
How do you get a peanut to laugh? — you crack it up
Who greets you at a haunted house? — a host ghost
Why did the farmer bury all his money? — to make his soil rich
Where can you find an ocean without water? — on a map
What do you call a horse that likes arts & crafts? — a hobby horse
Why do shoemakers go to heaven? Because they have good soles
What do you call an avid gardener? — herb
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from? — a poul-tree
What do you get when you cross a grape with a lion? — a grape nobody picks on
What did the tree say to the mountain? — stop peaking at me!
What are sailors’ favorite fruits? — naval oranges
Where does a penguin keep his money? — in a snow bank
What did the boy chip say to the girl chip (crisp for the Brits)? — Let’s dance and I’ll dip you.
Why do bees have sticky hair? — they use honeycombs
Why did the reporter go into the ice cream shop? — he wanted to get the scoop
Why was it hard for the geometry teacher to walk? — she broke her angle
What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips? — a chipmonk
What kind of trees sew? — pine trees, they always have needles around
What did the plate say to the other plate? — lunch is on me.
What did the man say when the picture fell on his head? — I’ve been framed!
Did you hear about the mummies who went to the theater? — They gave the actors stage fright
How do you turn soup into gold? — add 24 carrots (karats)
What do you do if a rhino charges you? — Give him your credit card.
Why did they bury the battery? — Because it was dead.
What do sneezes wear on their feet? — ahh-shoes
What do wolves say when they are introduced? — howl do you do?
What does a car run on? — wheels
What did the sink say to the water faucet? — you’re a real drip
where do pigs park their cars? — in a porking lot
Why did the banana leave the cinema? — the film didn’t appeal to him.
Why did the little cookie (biscuit) cry? — because his mother was a wafer so long.
What do you call a hot dog in a bun? — an in betweenie weenie.
Why did the rabbit eat lunch under the sink? — He found a leek there.
How do you make a witch itch? — take away her W
What do you call two guys fighting over a prostitute? — tug of whore
*ok, so that was mine. Just threw it in to see if you were paying attention*
What do you call a crab who plays baseball? — a pinch-hitter
What is the clumsiest bee? — a bumbling bee
What kind of bean can’t grow? — a jelly bean
Whats green and fluffy and comes from mars? — a martian mellow
How does a man on the moon get his hair cut? — eclipse it
What do you do when you have no rubber bands? — find a plastic orchestra
— — — — and some old favorites — — — — — –
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? — time to get a new fence.
What is green, red, and runs 100 mph? — a frog in a blender
What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? — a dead school bus
Why did the man throw his margarine? — he wanted to see the butter fly
What did the finger say to the thumb? — I’m in glove with you (heather’s favorite)
What’s brown and sticky? — a stick
What’s red and not there — no tomatoes
What’s white and flies through the sky? — the coming of the lord
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a penguin? — a very cross penguin
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