Jul
21
Trip to Costco
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for
my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a
woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had; an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to
do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the
Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works
well and I was going to try it again (I have to mention here that practically
everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.). Horrified, she asked if I
ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I
stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setters ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing
so hard.
Costco won’t let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people.. They have all the time in the world
to think of crazy things to say.
