- I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing I ever do with it. It is never of any use to oneself – Oscar Wilde
- He who can does. He who cannot, teaches – George Bernard Shaw
- Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning – George Bernard Shaw
- Work is the curse of the drinking classes – Oscar Wilde
- [Dancing is] a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire – George Bernard Shaw
- A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it – George Moore
- There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about – Oscar Wilde
- In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs – John Pentland Mahaffy
There’s a dear little plant
that grows in our isle,
‘Twas St. Patrick himself
sure that set it;
And the sun on his labour
with pleasure did smile,
And with dew from his eye
often wet it.
It thrives through the bog,
through the brake,
through the mireland;
And he called it the dear
little shamrock of Ireland—
The sweet little shamrock,
the dear little shamrock,
The sweet little, green little,
shamrock of Ireland!
Andrew Cherry, Irish Playwright (1762-1812)
More Irish Toasts
- May the dust of your carriage wheels blind the eyes of your foes.
- May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.
- May your fire never go out.
- May your well never run dry.
- Sláinte: Irish Gaelic and pronounced ‘slawn-cha’ means health, much the same as ‘cheers’.
- May we be alive at this time next year.
- May the roof above you never fall in and those gathered beneath it never fall out.
- A bird with one wing can’t fly – said to encourage someone to take a second drink.
- May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty.
Irish Blessings – For the Country:
May the Irish hills caress you.
May her lakes and rivers bless you.
May the luck of the Irish enfold you.
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you.
Irish Blessings – For the Home:
Walls for the wind,
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks beside the fire –
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire!
Irish ‘Road’ Blessing:
May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine down upon your face.
And the rain fall soft upon your fields
Until we meet again
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand
Irish Drinking Toast
May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
Half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.
Alternative Irish Toast:
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends:
May they never meet!
In the end, there are only two things to worry about:
either you are well or you are sick.
When you’re well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you’re sick, then there are two things to worry about:
either you get well or you will die.
When you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But when you die, then there are two things to worry about:
either you’ll go to heaven or you’ll go to hell.
When you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But when you go to hell, you’ll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends,
you won’t have time to worry!
SO WHY WORRY!?
A Croatian man has admitted that he has not gone outside when it’s thundering for three years since lightning struck his penis.
Zoran Jurkovic of Vukovar was hit by lightning on his penis while riding his bicycle near the village of Perkovici during a thunderstorm in 2007, the  Croatian Times reports.
Jurkovic, who friends have nicknamed “Thunderous,†was hit by thousands of volts that melted his bike. The rubber tires saved his life, doctors said.
To get back at his friends for their teasing, Jurkovic tells them his lightning-struck penis now has extraordinary abilities. In actuality, he says he just happy it’s functioning properly.
Jurkovic lives with his mother and is not married. (What a shock)
No stealing this guy’s thunder.