Sony is an official sponsor of FIFA’s 2010 World Cup and they came up with a cute premise for thier new ad ‘Superstar’. It features children playing football in a sold out World Cup stadium. This is the UK version that is currently airing all over Europe.
IF YOU’VE EVER BEEN CALLED FOR JURY DUTY…..THEN YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS IS PRICELESS!Enjoy a good laugh!
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place..
______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, “isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________ ______
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
______________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________ __________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
______________________________ _______
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________ ________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Ministries International ~ not 100 per cent but, we think it is 99.9 per cent
If Noah Built his Ark Today!
A group of Christian researchers claimed on Tuesday they have found the remains of Noah’s Ark, located four kilometres up the side of Turkey’s Mt. Ararat.
The famed mount is the biblical docking point of the vessel, which carried Noah, his family and representatives of all the world’s animals safely while God flooded the Earth. In the Book of Genesis, the ark is said to have come to rest in the “mountains of Ararat.â€
Explorers, adventurers and mystics have sought the ark for centuries, poring over the mountain range which straddles the Turkish border with Armenia.
Now a group called Noah’s Ark Ministries International says they’ve found the ship’s wreckage.
“It’s not 100 per cent that it is Noah’s Ark, but we think it is 99.9 per cent that this is it,†researcher Yeung Wing-Cheung told Agence-France Presse.
The researchers and a film crew have apparently uncovered wooden beams and compartments they say housed the animals. Carbon dating has proven the structure to be 4,800 years old, Yeung said, which gibes with the literal biblical timeline of the flood. He also says the group has ruled out a human settlement at the dig site.
The group is said to have asked Turkish officials to apply to UNESCO so that the excavation can be granted world heritage status while it is explored.
Many explorers have sought the ark. Several have claimed to discover it. None of these claims has been proved out.
British astrophysicist Stephen Hawking says aliens are out there, but it could be too dangerous for humans to interact with extraterrestrial life.
The 68-year-old scientist says a visit by extraterrestrials to Earth would be like Christopher Columbus arriving in the Americas, “which didn’t turn out very well for the Native Americans.”
He speculates most extraterrestrial life will be similar to microbes, or small animals – but adds advanced lifeforms may be “nomads, looking to conquer and colonize.”
Stephen William Hawking, CH, CBE, FRS, FRSA (born 8 January 1942)[1] is a British theoretical physicist, whose scientific career spans over forty years. His books and public appearances have made him an academic celebrity and he is an Honorary Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts,[2] a lifetime member of the Pontifical Academy of Sciences,[3] and in 2009 was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award in the United States.[4]
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