From a 1970s Peace Corps manual, “How to survive an anaconda attack.”
1. Do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
2. Lie flat on the ground, put your arms tight against your sides and your legs tight against each other.
3. Tuck your chin in.
4. The snake will being to nudge and climb over your body.
5. Do not panic.
6. The snake will begin to swallow your feet first.
7. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
8. When the snake has reached your knees, reach down, take your knife, slide it into the side of the snake’s mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg. Quickly rip upward, severing the snake’s head.
9. Be sure you have your knife.
10. Be sure your knife is sharp.
T H E Â C O N S T I T U T I O N
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq …. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.
Sao Paulo – La policÃa brasileña informó que hombres armados han robado cientos de miles de pegatinas para los álbumes de fotos de la Copa Mundial. El Sao Paulo SecretarÃa de Seguridad Pública dice que cinco hombres fuertemente armados levantó la compañÃa que distribuye las etiquetas y se llevaron 675.000 de ellos. Nadie resultó herido y los agresores siguen en libertad. La policÃa dijo el viernes que las calcomanÃas fueron robados por valor 101.000 reales (57.386 dólares). álbumes de cromos de libros son muy populares en Brasil, donde se venden en los quioscos. La policÃa dice que los bienes robados puede ser objeto de comercio en Internet. – Sapa-AP
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,
The second man was an Accountant,
The third man was a Chemist, and
The fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, ‘T-square, do your stuff.’
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and
promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better He called his cat and
said,
‘Spreadsheet, do your stuff.’
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.
He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and
said, ‘Measure, do your stuff.’
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10
ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces into the glass
without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, ‘What can
your cat do?’
The Government Employee called his cat and said, ‘CoffeeBreak, do your
stuff.’
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet…….
Ate the cookies……….
Drank the milk…….
Shit on the paper…….
Screwed the other three cats…….
Claimed he injured his back while doing so……..
Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions……..
Put in for Workers Compensation…………….
and
Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave…………
AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE Â WANT’S TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!
The second man was an Accountant,
The third man was a Chemist, and
The fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, ‘T-square, do your stuff.’
promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
said,
‘Spreadsheet, do your stuff.’
He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and
said, ‘Measure, do your stuff.’
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10
ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces into the glass
without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, ‘What can
your cat do?’
stuff.’
Ate the cookies……….
funny email forward
