Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can’t look that old.
Well, if you have, enjoy this one.
My name is Alice, and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS Diploma on the wall,
which bore his full name. Suddenly I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my High School class some 30-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan park High School. “Yes, yes I did. I’m a Mustang,†he gleamed with pride. “When did you graduate?†I asked. He answered, “In 1975, why to you ask?†“You were in my class!†I exclaimed. He looked at me closely,
THEN THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-ASSED, GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT, SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, “WHAT DID YOU TEACH????â€
Latest Tiger Woods Nike commercial released on April 7, 2010. Black and white, Tiger stands alone, staring into the camera. Earl Woods (his father)is speaking. Tiger appears to be listening.
The 23 second long commercial will be an incredible coup for NIKE. Whether you like it or not, the timing from a marketing standpoint is unbelievable.
Here’s something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well†for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?â€
He asked, “Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?â€
“Oh no,†I replied. “I’m not doing drugs, either!â€
Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?â€
I said, “No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!â€
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?â€
“No, I don’t,†I said.
He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?â€
“No,†I said
He looked at me and said,….
‘Then, why do you even give a crap?
A insurance sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I´ll give each of you just one.â€
“Me first! Me first!†says the admi
n clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.†Poof! She´s gone.
In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!†says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.†Poof! He´s gone.
“OK, you´re up,†the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.â€
Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
“Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!†he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?†he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said “Well…last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.
