An American, a Japanese and a Canadian were sitting naked in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm, and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. “That was my pager he said. “I ha
ve a microchip under the skin of my arm.â€
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained “That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand.â€
The Canadian felt decidedly low-tech, but not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Canadian finally said “Well, will you look at that! I’m getting a fax.â€
For more videos and information about the 2010 World Cup Soccer in South Africa, please click on the following:
http://2010worldcupsoccersouthafrica.blogspot.com/
I put this sign up the other day when we were having a garage sale.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
and that’s when the fight started…
A Polish great-grandmother is facing three years in jail for riding her bicycle drunk.
Keystyna Patycka of Kopacz was stopped by police for weaving from one side of the road to the other on her way to local shops, theRomanian Times reports.
The 75-year-old was immediately banned from riding her bike by officers after ignoring a series of private cautions. She now faces drinking and driving charges which could land her in jail for three years if found guilty.
Patycka said all she had to drink was “one bottle of beer …â€
Several times a day.
CONCLUSION
Boobs are nature’s masterpiece, perfect in shape and design. As beautiful as they are powerful. All it takes is something that looks like a boobs to unleash their power.
When the good Lord was creating mothers, SHE/He was into HER/His sixth day of “overtime” when the angel appeared and said: “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.” And the Lord said: “Have you read the specs on this order?…”
“She has to be completely washable but not plastic; Have 180 moving parts… all replaceable; Run on black coffee and leftovers; Have a lap that disappears when she stands up; A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook her head slowly and said: “Six pairs of hands – no way.” “It’s not the hands that are causing me problems, said the Lord, it’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.” That’s the standard model? Asked the angel.
The Lord nodded, “One pair that sees through closed doors so that when she asks, ‘What are you kids doing in there?’ she already knows. Another in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know. Then, of course, the ones here in front that can look at a child when he messes up and says, ‘I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.”
“Lord,” said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, “come to bed.”
“I can’t said the Lord, I’m so close to creating something so close to Myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick, can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger, and can get a 9-year old to stand under a shower.”
The angel circled the model of a mother very closely. “It’s too soft,” she said. “But tough,” said the Lord excitedly. “You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure.”
“Can it think?” asked the angel. “Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,” she said. “I told you you were trying to put too much into this model.”
“That’s not a leak,” said the Lord. “It’s a tear.”
“What’s it for?” asked the angel. The Lord replied, “It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.”
“You’re a genius,” said the Angel. The Lord looked somber, “I didn’t put it there…”
by Erma Bombeck
For more Stories, Poems and Jokes for Mother’s Day, please click on the following link:
http://mothersdayfunontheweb.blogspot.com/
April 22, 2010
| Forty years after the first Earth Day, the world is in greater peril than ever. While climate change is the greatest challenge of our time, it also presents the greatest opportunity – an unprecedented opportunity to build a healthy, prosperous, clean energy economy now and for the future. Earth Day 2010 can be a turning point to advance climate policy, energy efficiency, renewable energy and green jobs. Earth Day Network is galvanizing millions who make personal commitments to sustainability. Earth Day 2010 is a pivotal opportunity for individuals, corporations and governments to join together and create a global green economy. Join the more than one billion people in 190 countries that are taking action for Earth Day.
For Earth Day info and activities, please click on the following site: http://celebrateearthday.blogspot.com/ |
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, ‘You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.’
The cat thought for a minute and then said, ‘All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.’
God said, ‘Say no more.’ Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat
The mice said, ‘Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.’
God answered, ‘It is done.’ All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, ‘Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?’
The cat replied, ‘Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life.. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!’
He had to perfect his new putting routine!
I believe Tiger can separate his personal life from his golf game.
The question is: Can we?
TV ratings should be really interesting to watch as the week progresses!
How do you think “Thunderous” feels?
Not your normal lightning rod
A Croatian man has admitted that he has not gone outside when it’s thundering for three years since lightning struck his penis.
Zoran Jurkovic of Vukovar was hit by lightning on his penis while riding his bicycle near the village of Perkovici during a thunderstorm in 2007, the  Croatian Times reports.
Jurkovic, who friends have nicknamed “Thunderous,†was hit by thousands of volts that melted his bike. The rubber tires saved his life, doctors said.
To get back at his friends for their teasing, Jurkovic tells them his lightning-struck penis now has extraordinary abilities. In actuality, he says he just happy it’s functioning properly.
Jurkovic lives with his mother and is not married. (What a shock)
No stealing this guy’s thunder.
For more, “When Life Hands You Lemons…“
check out the following site:
http://whenlifehandsulemons.blogspot.com/
