John on March 13th, 2010

Just drunks, not skunks, in the middle of the road

Pecica Mayor Petru Antal ordered the signs that depict the image of a kneeling partier next to a bottle of alcohol that says “Attention – Drunks” to be erected along the roads in and out of the town that has a vibrant nightlife, Ananova reports.

The mayor pointed out that drivers are at risk of running over local residents, who enjoy the town’s bars to the point where they are unable to take proper care of themselves on the way home.

“We have to target the drivers because by the time the pedestrians get into this state they are beyond caring,” Antal said.

He added that he believed the signs were a positive contribution and was not worried about the image sent out about the town’s citizens.

Salute!

John on March 13th, 2010

A Polish great-grandmother is facing three years in jail for riding her bicycle drunk.

Keystyna Patycka of Kopacz was stopped by police for weaving from one side of the road to the other on her way to local shops, theRomanian Times reports.

The 75-year-old was immediately banned from riding her bike by officers after ignoring a series of private cautions. She now faces drinking and driving charges which could land her in jail for three years if found guilty.

Patycka said all she had to drink was “one bottle of beer …”

Several times a day.

John on March 13th, 2010

banana_hammock1-300x300 undies-150x150

An Australian swimwear company has developed the world’s first men’s briefs made from banana plants.

AussieBum spokesman, Lloyd Jones, said the underwear’s fabric is spun from the bark of the banana plant into soft, smooth material that is environmentally sustainable, Cairns.com reports. The fiber, sourced from Asia and knitted together in Brisbane, also is lightweight and offers strong moisture absorption.

Aussiebum previously had success in producing a range of men’s jocks that released residue into the skin to make the wearer feel revitalized, and undies designed to make mens’ packages appear larger through a specially designed pouch used to “separate and stop squashing.”

Jones assured buyers that the new banana briefs are not mushy or squishy and do not smell like bananas. He said some people have been concerned that if they wear them, monkeys might follow them around.

A few dingoes maybe, but no monkeys.

John on March 12th, 2010

Medical term for belly button is umbilicus.

Those who smoke a pack of cigarettes a day drink half a cup of tar a year.

Humans are the only animals capable of drawing a straight line.

On average, an individual grows over 450 miles of hair in a lifetime.

When a person smiles, 17 muscles are engaged.

Human DNA contains 80,000 genes.

Men shorter than 4.2 feet and women shorter than 3.9 feet are considered dwarfs.

White blood cells live in the human body for 2 to 4 days, while red blood cells live up to 3 to 4 months.

Every human bends her finger 25 million times in a lifetime.

Human heart is equal in size to a human fist. Average weight of an adult’s heart is approximately 0.5lbs.

Human body contains four minerals: apatite, aragonite, calcite, and christobalite.

Human brain generates more electric impulses in a day than all telephones of the world combined.

The loss of vision caused by exposure to bright light is called snow blindness.

Total weight of bacteria living in the human body is 4.4lbs.

Human brain produces 100,000 chemical reactions per second.

Babies are born without kneecaps, which form only at the age of 2 to 6.

The area of human lungs’ surface is equal to that of a tennis court.

At birth, a baby’s brain contains 14 billion cells, and this number does not increase till death. On the contrary, after the age of 25 it decreases by 100,000 cells per day. Reading a page of text in a minute kills approximately 70 cells. After the age of 40, the brain degradation is accelerated, and after 50, neurons shrink and brain volume reduces.

The human small intestines are 8.5 feet long during life. After death, when the muscles of the bowel walls relax, it may reach over 19 feet.

An average human has approximately 2 million of perspiratory glands. An average adult person loses 540 calories with a liter of sweat. Men perspire 40% more than women.

The right lung holds more air than the left one.

An adult person makes approximately 23,000 breaths a day.

In a lifetime, the female body produces 7 million egg cells.

The human eye is capable of differentiating 10,000,000 hues.

There are approximately 40,000 bacteria in the human mouth.

It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

The human spine contains 33 to 34 spinal bones.

Women blink twice as often as men.

Interesting From Nielson Ratings

generations-lg

SUMMARY: Understanding shopping and media habits at different ages can help marketers optimize critical assortment, pricing, promotion and advertising decisions by crafting targeted strategies and niche offers that reflect deal propensity, trip frequency, channel predilection, average spend and media usage.

  • Greatest Generation: born prior to 1946 (64 + years of age in 2009)

  • Boomers: 1946 – 1964 (45 to 63)

  • Gen X: 1965 – 1976 (33 to 44)

  • Millennials: 1977 – 1994 (15 to 32)

Generation_Chart_3

Click on the following for many more Jokes for

The Golden Years

http://goldenyearshumor.blogspot.com/

John on March 12th, 2010

st-patricks-graphics-08

You Gotta Love the Irish‏

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”


John on March 11th, 2010

WARNING!

GRAPHIC BOATING  PHOTO.



THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN
WITH JUST SECONDS
LEFT TO  LIVE
(FRIGHTENING !)
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[death.JPG]

and that’s when the fight started…

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Click on the Following for many More

“And That’s When the Fight Started Jokes”

http://whenthefightstarted.blogspot.com/


John on March 11th, 2010

MAKE YOUR KITTY A HELMET LIKE THIS GUY DID WITH A LIME!

limecat-1

Check out this site for more When Life Hands You Lemons:

http://whenlifehandsulemons.blogspot.com/

************

John on March 11th, 2010

For the third time in three years, the world has a new richest man. 

Riding surging prices of his various telecom holdings, including giant mobile outfit America Movil, Mexican tycoon Carlo Slim Helu has beaten out Americans Bill Gates and Warren Buffett to become the wealthiest person on earth and nab the top spot on the 2010 Forbes list of the World’s Billionaires. 

Slim’s fortune has swelled to an estimated US$53.5 billion, up $18.5 billion in 12 months. Shares of America Movil, of which Slim owns a $23 billion stake, were up 35% in a year.

John on March 10th, 2010

Little Johnny’s kindergarten teacher was trying to teach the children to “people talk”.

She asked Joey, What did you do on the weekend?”

Joey replied, ” I went to see Nana”.

“No.” the teacher said,”You went to see your Grandma. That’s people talk. Bobby, What did you do on the weekend?”

Bobby replied, ” I went for a ride on the choochoo.” No, you went for a ride on the train.”

“Little Johnny, what did you do on the weekend?”

He replied, “I stayed home and read a book.”

“That’s nice, what was the name of the book?”

Little Johnny thought for a while and then said,

“Winnie the Shit!”

Winnie the Pooh


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Click on the following for many more

Little Johnny Jokes


http://littlejohnnyjokesinc.blogspot.com/