Memory’s Going
An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.
After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going?”
He replied, “To the kitchen.”
She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”
“Sure.”
Then his wife asked him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?”
“No, I can remember that.”
“Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you’ll forget that,” his wife said.
“I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”
She replied, “Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down.”
With irritation in his voice, he said, “I don’t need to write that down, I can remember that.” He went into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stared at the plate for a moment and said, “You forgot my toast.”
Spain will reportedly receive the most money out of all 32 World Cup teams if it wins the World Cup, and several Spanish political parties are unhappy at the figure with the country facing an economic crisis.
The Spanish media said each player could earn 600,000 euros (C$755,545) for winning the title, and collect 120,000 euros (C$151,125) just for reaching the July 11 final.
Political party Izquierda Unida asked how such an amount could be paid “in the context of a general crisis where pensions are being frozen and salaries are dropping.â€
Goalkeeper Iker Casillas says the players have family and friends “suffering from the crisis†but that “you shouldn’t mix one thing with the other.â€
Iker Casillas’ Annual salary*: € 6,000,000
Day                hour           min               second
25000 euros     3125 euros    52 euros 08 cents       86 cents
You would think he might help out his suffering family!!!
G20 leaders diving into Fake Lake , Toronto, 2010.
I feel bad for the tax payers and that lady in the pool!
G20 continues to be an incredible Joke on Canadian Tax payers.
I love the millions spent in and around Huntsville for the G8 on potable toilets. Some miles away from any delegats. What a waste!
“When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1” – Lawrie McMenemy, Manager of Southampton FC
“And Farmer has now scored 19 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season” – Gary Lyon an Australian Commentator, finding multiplication difficult!
“Winning doesn’t really matter as long as you win” -Vinny Jones!
“Is the Pope Catholic. No I’m serious, is he? I really need to know”– David Beckham.
“Diego Maradona – a flawed genius who has now become a genius who is flawed” – Bob Wilson
“Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose.”– Kevin Keegan
“Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins.” – Brian Moore
“I spent 90 percent of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted!” – The legendary George Best, RIP
“This is an unusual Scotland side because they have good players”– Javier Clemente
“The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23!†– Kevin Keegan!
“We lost because we didn’t win”– Ronaldo
“Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side”– David Beckham after being asked if he is ‘volatile’, obviously thinking that this meant ‘versatile’
Reporter:-Â “It looked like you were outplayed in certain area’s of the field in today’s game.” Gordon Strachan:-Â “Yes, we were outplayed in certain parts of the field today, the big green area of it…”
FUNNY EMAILS TO FORWARD
Little Johnny was sad and sitting on the back bench. His teacher came in the class, and she found Little Johnny sitting at the back, where he never sat earlier.
Teacher asked, “What is wrong with you Johnny.”
Little johnny said, “Mam, you tell me, whether it is right to punish someone for not doing something?”
The teacher thought for a while, and said, “No, of course not.”
Little Johnny said, “Then, Mam, I have not done my homework.”
Teacher: Why have you come so late in the class?
Little Johnny: Sir I saw a signboard down the road.
Teacher: That is fine that you saw a signboard down the road, but what does a signboard have to do with your being late?
Little Johnny The signboard said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
Little Johnny was sad and sitting on the back bench. His teacher came in the class, and she found Little Johnny sitting at the back, where he never sat earlier.
Teacher asked, “What is wrong with you Johnny.”
Little johnny said, “Mam, you tell me, whether it is right to punish someone for not doing something?”
The teacher thought for a while, and said, “No, of course not.”
Little Johnny said, “Then, Mam, I have not done my homework.”
Teacher: Why have you come so late in the class?
Little Johnny: Sir I saw a signboard down the road.
Teacher: That is fine that you saw a signboard down the road, but what does a signboard have to do with your being late?
Little Johnny The signboard said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!”
You never had to smile at me,
Or tell me I made you glad.
You never had to say I was special,
Or hug me when I was sad.
You never had to hold my hand,
Or check under my bed.
You never had to laugh with me.
Or when I was sick feel my head.
You never had to drive me to school,
or make sure I was doing my best.
You never had to make me feel beautiful,
Above all the rest.
You never had to walk me down the Isle,
On that very special day.
You never had to protect me,
In every kind of way.
You never had to be proud of me,
Even when I had done something wrong.
But I guess you did all of these things,
Because you loved me all along.
You wanted to be my father
Although you never had to be.
And you loved me more than life itself,
Even though you never had to love me.
I thank you every day,
For choosing to be in my life.
You made me the woman I am,
A good mom and a good wife.
I love you more than anyone,
Could ever comprehend.
I will love all the way,
To the very end.
And then when I see you,
All I want to say,
Is that I never had to love you,
But I love you more every single day.
by Chelsea Ebrecht.
What Is Your Long Term Goal?
“I’d like to have your jobâ€
Hahahaha how much !!?
“I’m not wanted in this state.”
“How many young women work here?”
“I didn’t steal it; I just borrowed it.”
“You touch somebody and they call it sexual harassment!”
“I’ve never heard such a stupid question.”
You look just like my old boss. I hated my old boss!
Have you got a light?
You want me to do WHAT!!?
Do you mind if I take my clothes off ?
Do you mind if I remain standing ?
Do you cover Viagra?
From Ask Annie’s article about resume blunders:
- “an applicant ghosted a headshot as the background to her resumeâ€
- Other Interests: “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)â€.
- “One applicant used colored paper and drew glitter designs around the borderâ€
- Hobbies: “getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking potâ€
- Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jailâ€
- A woman had attached a picture of herself in a mini mouse costume
- Hobbies: “Drugs and girlsâ€.
- Under “job related skills†– for a web designer – “can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feetâ€.
- My sister-in-law misspelled the word “proofreading†in her skill set.
- The objective on one recent resume I received stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.
- Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highwayâ€
- Experience: “Stalking, shipping & receivingâ€
- “I am great with the pubic.â€
- A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com
- The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.
- One candidate’s electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.
- “…sent out my resume on the back side of a draft of a cover letter to another firm…â€
- “My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.â€
- One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn’t like dealing with blood or needles.
- Achievements: “Nominated for prom queenâ€
- I once received a resume with a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the first page. The picture was of a lion’s head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie.
- a resume… was printed on the back of the person’s current employer’s letterhead.
- One resume that came across my desk stated how the individual had won a contest for building toothpick bridges in middle school.
- A resume… had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it
- Hobbies: “Having a good timeâ€