Zamboni Man
by BJ Premore
[parody of Piano Man by Billy Joel]
Annotated lyrics to Zamboni Man (follow links for annotations), side-by-side with Piano Man lyrics.
| Zamboni Man | Piano Man |
| It’s five o’clock on a Saturday | It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday |
| In two hours the game will begin | The regular crowd shuffles in |
| There’s a moron in line just ahead of me | There’s an old man sitting next to me |
| Letting hundreds of people cut in | Making love to his tonic and gin |
| Then along comes a man with a squeaky voice | He says, “Son can you play me a memory |
| “Fifty/fifty,” he yells out to me | I’m not really sure how it goes |
| So I cover my ears | But it’s sad and it’s sweet |
| To block out his cheers | And I knew it complete |
| And think about what’s soon to be | When I wore a younger man’s clothes” |
| Clean off the ice, you Zamboni Man | Sing us a song, you’re the piano man |
| Clean it off now, do it right | Sing us a song tonight |
| ‘Cause we’re all in the mood for a hockey game | Well we’re all in the mood for a melody |
| We don’t wanna be here all night | And you’ve got us feeling alright |
| Now finally the line started movin’ up | Now John at the bar is a friend of mine |
| I showed the old man my ID | He gets me my drinks for free |
| I was quick on my feet so I got a good seat | And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke |
| Right near where the Pep Band would be | But there’s someplace that he’d rather be |
| I said, “Gosh, there’s a lot of seats empty here” | He says, “Bill, I believe this is killing me” |
| And I looked where that long line had been | As a smile ran away from his face |
| Why don’t I just come back at six o’clock? | “Well, I’m sure that I could be a movie star |
| There won’t be a Goddamned line then | If I could get out of this place” |
| Clean of the ice, you Zamboni Man | Sing us a song, you’re the piano man |
| I’m in the stands watching you | Sing us a song tonight |
| ‘Cause I’m waiting right here for the hockey game | Well we’re all in the mood for a melody |
| And I’ve got nothin’ better to do | And you’ve got us feeling alright |
| Now it’s time for the opening faceoff | Now Paul is a real estate novelist |
| I knock some guy down just to see | Who never had time for a wife |
| And I turn to they’re goalie–he looks kinda holey | And he’s talking with Davy who’s still in the Navy |
| And he seems like a doofus to me | And probably will be for life |
| And the game it begins with a drumroll | And the waittress is practicing politics |
| You can tell this one won’t be a bore | As the businessman slowly gets stoned |
| But we don’t think they know what they’re doing | Yes they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness |
| So we tell them to skate, shoot and score | But it’s better than drinking alone |
| Get off the ice, you Zamboni Man | Sing us a song, you’re the piano man |
| Get the hell out of my sight | Sing us a song tonight |
| ‘Cause we’re all in the mood for a hockey game | Well we’re all in the mood for a melody |
| And maybe, just maybe, a fight | And you’ve got us feeling alriight |
| There’s a pretty good crowd all around me now | It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday |
| To my left is the Burger King Band | And the manager gives me a smile |
| They’re all acting like freaks, those pencil-necked geeks | ‘Cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see |
| Singing chants that I don’t understand | To forget about life for awhile |
| And the air, it echoes profanity | And the piano sounds like a carnival |
| And the ref makes another bad call | And the microphone smells like a bar |
| And this game is a bore, we’re losing by four | And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar |
| Why couldn’t there just be a brawl? | And say “Man, what are you doing here?” |
| Clean up the ice, you Zamboni Man | Sing us a song, you’re the piano man |
| There’s nothing to watch anymore | Sing us a song tonight |
| I’ve wasted away the best part of a day | Well we’re all in the mood for a melody |
| And our hockey team can’t even score | And you’ve got us feeling alright |
What a tremendous role model!
What a fantastic athlete!
What a beautiful name!
If I had a daughter I would name her Maëlle.
“Turin was such a motivator for me,†said Ricker, a West Vancouver, B.C., native who grew up racing on Cypress Mountain.
“It just made me work that much harder and just go for it today.â€
Two days after moguls racer Alex Bilodeau became the first Canadian to claim Olympic gold on home soil, Ricker became the first Canadian woman to achieve the feat.
“It’s crazy,†Ricker said. “Indescribable. I’m going to pinch myself.â€
Continue reading about Maëlle Ricker Another Great story of the 2010 Winter Olympics
No shortage of goals as Canada shutout Norway 8-0 in their men’s ice hockey opener on Tuesday to take a crucial step towards Winter Olympic gold.
Continue reading about Canada Scores big in first game of the 2010 Winter Olympics Hockey Tournament
» Alpine skiing (women’s) – 11 a.m.
» Cross country (men’s) – 10:15 a.m., 12:55 p.m.
» Cross country (women’s) – 10:15 a.m., 12:30 p.m.
» Curling (women’s) – 9 a.m., 7 p.m.
» Curling (men’s) – 2 p.m.
» Hockey (men’s) – noon, 4:30 p.m., 9 p.m.
» Hockey (women’s) – 2:30 p.m., 7 p.m.
» Luge (men’s) – 5 p.m., 6:31 p.m.
» Short track (women’s) – 5 p.m., 6:14 p.m., 7:07 p.m.
» Short track (men’s) – 5:27 p.m., 6:35 p.m.
» Snowboarding (men’s) – 1:05 p.m., 5:15 p.m., 7:15 p.m.
» Speed skating (men’s) – 4 p.m.
Continue reading about 2010 Winter Olympics Schedule for Feb. 17
Police near Windsor, Ontario charged a lady with impaired driving, to wit, operating a Zamboni. It seems she was servicing the ice at a hockey rink when witnesses noticed that perhaps a bit more than the ice needed servicing.
This is huge. Operating a motor vehicle while impaired is a serious Criminal Code offense. I don’t know this lady’s criminal record but if it is her second offence, she could be packing her toothbrush and going to jail for 14 days. If that is the case, just what would she tell her inmates behind bars, who are charged with assault and robbery? The cops busted me for driving my Zamboni?
And seeing that we are nearing the Christmas season, will this incident cause police to redirect their resources for nabbing impaired drivers and have them expand their RIDE program to hockey arenas? I think it’s a great idea. I suggest that a police officer attend at all hockey arenas and that he post himself in an unmarked Zamboni just off the penalty box. If he sees a Zamboni passing by, he can roll onto the ice and pull over the operator. He can then request that he or she provide a sample of their breath into a roadside breathalyser. If the driver fails, not only charge but further embarrass them. Have the rink announcer broadcast over the public address system, “Betty Williams, 5 minutes for smashing.â€Â Or rather for “being smashed.â€Â How’s that for deterrence! Zamboni drivers will think twice about whether or not to have that cold one or simply clean it.
Good grief – What’’s a zamboni?
Charles Schulz, the creator of the PEANUTS comic strip, made his first Zamboni reference in 1980, and its appearance in the strip was a complete surprise to the Zamboni Company. Schulz actually told Richard Zamboni that he was asked many times: “What’s A Zamboni?â€. There were almost 45 references to Zamboni in the P EANUTS comics, including Woodstock and Snoopy taking turns driving the machine.
- Your idea of serving breakfast is giving each of your kids a fork and dropping an Eggo in the middle of the table.
- You reprimand your children with “minors,” “majors” and “misconducts.”
- When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns green, you stop.
- When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns red, you get really excited and chant, “He shoots! He scores!”
- I nstead of duct tape, you use hockey tape to fix everything.
- You call a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame a “pilgrimage.”
- You went into a bank because it advertised “Free Checking”….and walked out disappointed.
- You can pronounce anything in French, yet you have no idea what it means.
- Every time you hear a siren you wonder who scored.
- You’re not allowed to play chess simply because the first time you played, you misunderstood the meaning of the word “Check.”
- Everything in your wardrobe is your team’s colors.
- Your closet is divided into 2 sections: HOME and AWAY
- You make biscuits in dimensions of 3″ by 1.”
- You burn the biscuits black.
- You play a game with one of the biscuits.
- You deck the guy who says, “Check, please.”
- You own a Zamboni.
- You keep your Zamboni in the garage while your main car stays in the driveway.
- Your calendar only runs from October to June.
- You wonder how you will get through July, August, and September.
- When someone says, “two minutes” you respond, “What for!?!”
How did the blonde get hurt while ice fishing?
She was run over by the zamboni.
For More info and history of the Zamboni, check out the site below:
http://www.zamboni.com/story/story.html
Continue reading about ZAMBONI THE NEW HERO OF THE 2010 WINTER OLYMPIVS
Canada’s Maelle Ricker has won the women’s snowboard cross event, giving Canadians a  fifth medal and SECOND GOLD at the Winter Olympics.
After some early trouble, Ricker did a great job in the quarter-finals and finished first in her semifinal run on Cypress Mountain.
Continue reading about Maelle Ricker Olympic Gold Medal Dreams do come true!