“When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1” – Lawrie McMenemy, Manager of Southampton FC
“And Farmer has now scored 19 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season” – Gary Lyon an Australian Commentator, finding multiplication difficult!
“Winning doesn’t really matter as long as you win” -Vinny Jones!
“Is the Pope Catholic. No I’m serious, is he? I really need to know”– David Beckham.
“Diego Maradona – a flawed genius who has now become a genius who is flawed” – Bob Wilson
“Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose.”– Kevin Keegan
“Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins.” – Brian Moore
“I spent 90 percent of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted!” – The legendary George Best, RIP
“This is an unusual Scotland side because they have good players”– Javier Clemente
“The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23!†– Kevin Keegan!
“We lost because we didn’t win”– Ronaldo
“Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side”– David Beckham after being asked if he is ‘volatile’, obviously thinking that this meant ‘versatile’
Reporter:-Â “It looked like you were outplayed in certain area’s of the field in today’s game.” Gordon Strachan:-Â “Yes, we were outplayed in certain parts of the field today, the big green area of it…”
FUNNY EMAILS TO FORWARD
Continue reading about Funny Football Soccer Quotes – World Cup Fever 2010
Jun
8
John on June 8th, 2010
Little Johnny was sad and sitting on the back bench. His teacher came in the class, and she found Little Johnny sitting at the back, where he never sat earlier.
Teacher asked, “What is wrong with you Johnny.”
Little johnny said, “Mam, you tell me, whether it is right to punish someone for not doing something?”
The teacher thought for a while, and said, “No, of course not.”
Little Johnny said, “Then, Mam, I have not done my homework.”
Teacher: Why have you come so late in the class?
Little Johnny: Sir I saw a signboard down the road.
Teacher: That is fine that you saw a signboard down the road, but what does a signboard have to do with your being late?
Little Johnny The signboard said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
Little Johnny was sad and sitting on the back bench. His teacher came in the class, and she found Little Johnny sitting at the back, where he never sat earlier.
Teacher asked, “What is wrong with you Johnny.”
Little johnny said, “Mam, you tell me, whether it is right to punish someone for not doing something?”
The teacher thought for a while, and said, “No, of course not.”
Little Johnny said, “Then, Mam, I have not done my homework.”
Teacher: Why have you come so late in the class?
Little Johnny: Sir I saw a signboard down the road.
Teacher: That is fine that you saw a signboard down the road, but what does a signboard have to do with your being late?
Little Johnny The signboard said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!”
You never had to smile at me,
Or tell me I made you glad.
You never had to say I was special,
Or hug me when I was sad.
You never had to hold my hand,
Or check under my bed.
You never had to laugh with me.
Or when I was sick feel my head.
You never had to drive me to school,
or make sure I was doing my best.
You never had to make me feel beautiful,
Above all the rest.
You never had to walk me down the Isle,
On that very special day.
You never had to protect me,
In every kind of way.
You never had to be proud of me,
Even when I had done something wrong.
But I guess you did all of these things,
Because you loved me all along.
You wanted to be my father
Although you never had to be.
And you loved me more than life itself,
Even though you never had to love me.
I thank you every day,
For choosing to be in my life.
You made me the woman I am,
A good mom and a good wife.
I love you more than anyone,
Could ever comprehend.
I will love all the way,
To the very end.
And then when I see you,
All I want to say,
Is that I never had to love you,
But I love you more every single day.
by Chelsea Ebrecht.
Continue reading about You Never Had to Love Me – Poem for Father’s Day
What Is Your Long Term Goal?
“I’d like to have your jobâ€
Continue reading about Number One all time Interview Mistake
Hahahaha how much !!?
“I’m not wanted in this state.”
“How many young women work here?”
“I didn’t steal it; I just borrowed it.”
“You touch somebody and they call it sexual harassment!”
“I’ve never heard such a stupid question.”
You look just like my old boss. I hated my old boss!
Have you got a light?
You want me to do WHAT!!?
Do you mind if I take my clothes off ?
Do you mind if I remain standing ?
Do you cover Viagra?
Continue reading about Funny things not to say in an Interview
From Ask Annie’s article about resume blunders:
- “an applicant ghosted a headshot as the background to her resumeâ€
- Other Interests: “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)â€.
- “One applicant used colored paper and drew glitter designs around the borderâ€
- Hobbies: “getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking potâ€
- Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jailâ€
- A woman had attached a picture of herself in a mini mouse costume
- Hobbies: “Drugs and girlsâ€.
- Under “job related skills†– for a web designer – “can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feetâ€.
- My sister-in-law misspelled the word “proofreading†in her skill set.
- The objective on one recent resume I received stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.
- Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highwayâ€
- Experience: “Stalking, shipping & receivingâ€
- “I am great with the pubic.â€
- A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com
- The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.
- One candidate’s electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.
- “…sent out my resume on the back side of a draft of a cover letter to another firm…â€
- “My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.â€
- One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn’t like dealing with blood or needles.
- Achievements: “Nominated for prom queenâ€
- I once received a resume with a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the first page. The picture was of a lion’s head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie.
- a resume… was printed on the back of the person’s current employer’s letterhead.
- One resume that came across my desk stated how the individual had won a contest for building toothpick bridges in middle school.
- A resume… had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it
- Hobbies: “Having a good timeâ€
Continue reading about What not to do in an Interview – Resume Blunders
What not not to do and What to Say in a Job Interview
Don’t look at your watch every 10 minutes.
Don’t play with things like a pen or a knickknack sitting on the interviewer’s desk.
Don’t get too comfortable.
Don’t promise to fix the company’s two years of losses and cure all the problems in the world.
Don’t assume that you have the job until it’s offered to you.
What to Say and do in a Job Interview
1. The art of listening
One of the first skills of a conversation is the art of listening.
2. When to speak
Keep in mind when to speak and when not to. Â This is doubly important when you are facing more than one interviewer.
3. The information you provide
Quality over quantity Concentration and focus are quite important.
4. Provide Facts
5. Relevancy
focus on relevancy.
6. A team player
Make it clear to the  interviewers that you are a team player.
8. Future plans
9. Honest answers
Proof Read your resumeeee:
“Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detailâ€
Woman who sent her résumé and cover letter without deleting someone else’s editing, including such comments as “I don’t think you want to say this about yourself hereâ€
What not not to do in an Interview
Don’t chew gum.
Don’t drink before the interview (alcohol).
Don’t look at your watch every 10 minutes.
Don’t be late.
Don’t play with things like a pen or a knickknack sitting on the interviewer’s desk.
Don’t get too comfortable.
Don’t promise to fix the company’s two years of losses and cure all the problems in the world.
Don’t assume that you have the job until it’s offered to you.
What to Say and do in a Job Interview
1. The art of listening
One of the first skills of a conversation is the art of listening.
2. When to speak
Keep in mind when to speak and when not to. Â This is doubly important when you are facing more than one interviewer.
3. The information you provide
Quality over quantity Concentration and focus are quite important.
4. Provide Facts
5. Relevancy
focus on relevancy.
6. A team player
Make it clear to the  interviewers that you are a team player.
8. Future plans
9. Honest answers
10 . Know your strengths
Proof Read your resumeeee:
Continue reading about What to do and not do in an Interview
MAYA ANGELOU’S’
BEST POEM EVER!!!!!
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to…
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a youth she’s content to leave behind….
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
one friend who always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family….
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a feeling of control over her destiny…
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship….
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW……
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over….
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more….
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming Inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
What she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…
Now, finally a computer error message I can understand.
Continue reading about A Computer error message I don’t mind getting!
Car insurance companies in the UK will be pleased if England crashes out of the 2010 World Cup in the early stages.
Based on information collated from the 2004 European championships it appears that England’s drivers crash their cars more often on England match days. In 2004 crashes leapt by some 14% generally during the whole tournament. Accident figures when England played against Portugal and lost on penalties rose by over 51%.
Continue reading about England – Car Crashes and the World Cup – Humour