The Ability to Make and Understand Puns Is the Highest Level of Language
Development
Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
“Dam!”
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your
kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my Electron.” The
Other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But
why?” they asked, as they moved off he said: “Because, I can’t
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
Spain , they name him “Juan”; the other went to a family in Egypt and is
named “Ahmal.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Continue reading about Ten Best Puns in the International Pun Contest
The World Cup is heating up. Who are the best players so far?
Best: Â Attacking Midfield – Lionel Messi (Argentina) – no goals but so explosive, exciting to watch and creates opportunities for teammates.
Centre Back – Ryan Nelsen (New Zealand)
Centre Back – Antolin Alcaraz (Paraguay)
Defensive Midfield – Rafael Marquez (Mexico)
Central Midfield – Michael Bradley (USA)
Left Forward – Diego Forlan (Uruguay)
Centre Forward – Gonzalo Higuain (Argentina)
Goalkeeper – Mark Paston (New Zealand)
Right Back – Maicon (Brazil)
Left Back – Fabio Coentrao (Portugal)
Right Forward – Valter Birsa (Slovenia)
Continue reading about Best Soccer Football Players so far World Cup 2010
To qualify as winners:
England must beat Slovenia and hope that the USA doesn’t win by a bigger margin against Algeria. If they finish with the same points and same goal difference as the USA they must have scored more goals than the Americans. If they are still tied it will go to a lottery as the head-to-head result was a draw.
To qualify as runners -up:
A draw with Slovenia will only be good enough for England to qualify in second place if the USA also has a draw in their last game against Algeria and England scores three more goals than the Americans i.e. if the USA draw 0-0 England would have to draw 3-3. (If England draw 2-2 it would go to the lottery.)
England wil be out if:
They lose to Slovenia, or they draw and Algeria beat the USA or vice versa.
Bottom line:
England needs to win!
Can be a great day back home in England or a very depressing day depending on the outcome. Should be one of the best matches of the World Cup to date!
Continue reading about What England needs to do in order to Advance – World Cup 2010
- Slovenia lead a group containing England, the USA and Algeria. A draw against England is all they need to go through. Even defeat would be enough if Algeria and the USA draw.
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Team MP W D L GF GA PtsSlovenia 2 1 1 0 3 2 4USA 2 0 2 0 3 3 2England 2 0 2 0 1 1 2Algeria 2 0 1 1 0 1 1DetailsNewsAnalysisMatches
Team MP W D L GF GA Pts 
Slovenia2 1 1 0 3 2 4 
USA2 0 2 0 3 3 2 
England2 0 2 0 1 1 2 
Algeria2 0 1 1 0 1 1 16:0016:0023/06 PREVIEW 16:0016:0023/06 PREVIEW 20:3020:3023/06 PREVIEW 20:3020:30
FINA has just handed the Italian football team an official invitation to complete in the World Aquatic Championships in Shanghai in 2011. They are assured success in the diving.
Continue reading about 2010 World Cup Soccer Jokes Italian Players Diving
After a great deal of debate (and thought) there is only one possible reason why the US and England did not make it to the final 8 in the 2010 World Cup.
Blame it on the Fans. These are typical American and British Fans!
and these are typical fans of the remaining eight teams in the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.
Obvious, right? Now we can all settle down and put the debate to rest!
The best World Cup joke is the England team.
How much are these incompetents getting paid?
More in a week than a nurse earns in 3 years.
More in a week than a doctor earns in two years.
More in a day than 3 pensions for a year.
You don’t need jokes.. you just need to watch England play and it makes you laugh.
Continue reading about More Jokes about England Football team at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa
Go, England, Go!!!
I’m a English football fan because Rooney and Green “PLAY” on the squad. They’re funny just like those other comedians, Mickey Rooney and Tom Green.
Capello called Heskey after a disastrous game and said – Heskey, you were rubbish, you can’t even score with no Goalkeeper between the posts from 6 yards out.
“Don’t pay any attention to him, Emile”, said captain Gerrard, trying to be encouraging. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He only repeats what everybody else says.”
Why are English Fane happy that Australia has a team in the 2020 World Cup? Because they’ll have a team to support in the second round.
Shaun Wright Phillips walks into a night club in Johannesburg and sees a stunning leggy blonde beauty on the dance floor.
He approaches her and says, “Get your coat, your coming back to my hotel with me tonight.”
She looks at him and replies, “Goodness, You’re a little forward!”
• Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, “Can you manage dear?” To which the old lady replied, “No way. You got yourself into this mess, don’t ask me to sort it out!”
• What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee.
• What’s the difference between Wayne Rooney and Shrek? Shrek can save the day.
• Three hours of football and Robert Green is still England’s top scorer.
• I can’t believe we only managed a draw against a rubbish team we should easily have beaten. . . . I’m ashamed to call myself Algerian
• What’s the difference between a faulty jet engine and Wayne Rooney? The jet engine eventually stops whining.
• Apparently that fan had no trouble slipping into the England dressing room – Robert Green was guarding the door
• What’s the difference between the England team and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Before I came on here, I looked in the mirror and say’d “be confident”. Fabio Capello told Wayne Rooney to have a long look at himself in the mirror. Like that’s going to improve his confidence.
I can’t believe we only managed a draw against a poor team we should easily have beaten. I’m ashamed to call myself Algerian.
The England team went out to visit an orphanage in Cape Town on Saturday morning. “It’s good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible,” said Jamal Umboto, aged 6.
In honour of England’s display against Algeria, we’re unveiling a new national flag. It’s the same design as before but without the red cross.
Fabio Capello gave Rob Green extra training today & after an extra 4hrs and 3000 shots he never let a goal in. Fabio was very pleased and later said in a press report “Rob green can now train with the rest of the team & not just with Emile Heskey!!
Continue reading about Best England Jokes about World Cup 2010 Poor Performance
The total value of its 2010 sponsorships tops $1.2 billion, with brands like Adidas and Visa forking over $350 million each and Sony ponying up $305 million for the honor. Meanwhile, Coca Cola says this is the brand’s largest campaign ever. Can the commercials outdo the 2006Adidas ad?. It captured the World Cup spirit, star power, humor, and futbol skills. It was everything a World Cup ad should be.
One contender for the best ad.
Continue reading about Best Advertisement for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa – Star Wars?
Maradona believes the officiating in South Africa is poor, and referees should be doing more to protect fair players.
He was upset that South Korea went unpunished for a series of fouls during their defeat by Argentina.
Maradona said: “We all want fair play. I understand that the referee may make a mistake, but when Javier Mascherano, for instance, gets a yellow card and the Korean player kicks out and gets nothing, no card, then sometimes as a coach you have doubts,â€
“This is football and not kung-fu fighting.â€
Continue reading about Maradona and 2010 World Cup Refs – No “Hand of God” this time
Swiss midfielder Valon Behrami was sent off in the 31st minute for violent conduct, a very questionable call that  helped Chile to take sole lead of their group.
“Vidal fell down with a lot of drama, it was quite a performance,” Switzerland coach Ottmar Hitzfeld said after the ill-tempered match full of tough tackles, free kicks and colourful Chilean dives.
“It clearly wasn’t a red card it wasn’t even a yellow card. It was unfair of Vidal to roll around on the floor and simply ask for a red card.”
Behrami said he was disappointed by the referee’s decision who he said mistook a brilliant acting performance for a foul.
“Soccer is a physical game but what happened there today was nothing of the sort. I was simply defending, and lost against great acting,” he said.
Continue reading about World Cup 2010 – Switzerland and Chile – Another Case for Instand Replay