- The scientific name for kissing, snogging, osculating and bussing is philematology.
- Just kissing can burn off 26 calories in one minute.
- The average person spends two weeks of their life kissing.
- Eskimos, Polynesians and Malaysians and indeed, Ancient Egyptians, rub noses instead of kissing.
- Ancient Romans kissed each other on the eyes or the mouth as a greeting.
- Victorian etiquette, in the UK, required a man to kiss the back of a ladies hand.
- A standard greeting in Europe is a kiss on both cheeks or it could be two. . .or three or maybe four.
- African tribes pay homage to their Chief by kissing the ground on which he has walked.
- In Ireland, you will have good luck if you kiss the Blarney Stone.
- Allegedly the Chinese didn’t kiss until the practice was introduced by Westerners, and they’re still not very keen on it.
Nigel, an alcoholic, staggered into a bar on Valentine’s Day and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated there, walked up to her and gave her kiss in honour of Valentine’s Day. She jumped up and slapped him really hard. Nigel immediately apologised and explained, ‘Look, I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.’
‘Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!’ she screamed at the top of her voice. ‘Funny,’ Nigel muttered, shaking his head, ‘you even sound exactly like her.’
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship for Valentine’s day, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good kisser, and a girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Kiss me the right way and watch me respond. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I’m yours. Call (405) 865-56.. and ask for Daisy.
Over 12,000 ‘Romeos’ phoned and found themselves talking to the Memphis Humane Society about an 7-week old Labrador retriever dog.
How to stop people from bugging you about getting married
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ‘you’re next.’Â They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Aidan, a young man, was looking for a greeting card just before February 14th. He searching unhurriedly for just the right card and he found one that impressed him greatly. It read, ‘To my one true love, the most beautiful woman in all the world.’
‘This is truly heartfelt,’ Aidan commented to the shopkeeper. ‘It is the message that any woman would love to receive. … I’ll take five.’
- Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius. Mozart
- Love is indescribable and unconditional. I could tell you a thousand things that it is not, but not one that it is. Duke Ellington
- To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others. Francois Mauriac
- Love is not blind, it simply enables one to see things others fail to see. Anonymous
- ‘I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.’Â Rita Rudner
- Never close your lips to those whom you have opened your heart. Charles Dickens
- Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Robert Frost
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won’t let me shop there anymore..
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends……it will be their Laugh for the day
Funny email forward
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if
someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that
The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son..”
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held in the archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
The young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
“We missed the R! We missed the R! Â We missed theR! Â His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.The young monk asks the old abbot, “What’s wrong, father?”
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, “The word was…
CELEBRATE!!!
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